Lies your parents told you

I often think back to my childhood and some of the things my parents told me that were untrue. For example, they told me one can willfully control the way foods taste. As an adult, I know that to not be true. What are some lies your parents told you as you were growing up?

 

Let's see lies my parents told me:

Jesus was my personal lord and savior and I would go to hell if I didn't believe.
Marijuana was evil.
That pre-marital sex was evil and god would tell them if I did it.
Homosexuals were the devil and were going to hell.
Santa Clause, the easter bunny etc.

 

haha aww santa clause and the easter bunny and the tooth fairy.. what a shame it is to lose imagination for those lies eh? ... but same here

they also told me that if i ate cookies past 7 o' clock i would explode.. obviously that was one i NEVER believed but i find it pretty funny haha

 

Yeah, pretty much the same for me... I was told all other religions were wrong except baptist... (I've been Atheist since age 12, btw)

I was also belittled mercilessly (they said I was lazy) for bedwetting until about age 7 when it was discovered that I had a medical condition that was easily corrected with surgery.

Parents can make you insane.

 

My parents told me if I swallowed watermelon seeds then I would grow a watermelon in my tummy. :O

 

not to eat cherries in your cereal or you will die
if you sit on the toilet too long the sewer crabs crawl up & will bite your butt
that nori was really Japanese chocolate
that my dog sunshine was going to stay with a dog-sitter, but was really given away

some of them are funny in retrospect, but then some of them were painful...

 

I remember around age 12 I was troubled that our existence on planet earth was infetismally small compared to the totality of existence (i didn't put it that way then tho lol). It was the time of the Hale-Bopp comet and the suicide cult in San Diego. My dad showed me his newsweek cover with the cult leader and said "this guy thought the way you do and he just had a bunch of people kill themselves." I didn't realize how much of a dick he was to say that until recently. I felt bad for pondering existence but I got over it. My parents are mormons. Most of their lies are wrapped up in their assertion that mormonism is true and right and has all the answers.

There's too many lies they told to single out a few. The sucky thing was, I learned to reject everything they said, even stuff that normal smart parents would say, like get your college done ASAP. They are weird little people.

 

my mom gave me the watermelon line.

I fuckin LOVE watermelon.

 

This is the best thing I've ever heard.

 

Something about some Santa guy.

My parents never lied to us. My 'rents are and were the best.

 

"You can't have a sip of my 'water' because its.....er....uh... I'm sick! Yeah, that's it! *cough cough* *chug chug chug chug pass out* "


.....

 

''it's for your own good''
''you'll understand when ia m older''
''i will never hurt you or lie to you''
''i love you unconditionaly''

 

From NY:

There was an old broken/burnt down house half standing but looks like some weird creature could live there. My father use to tell me if we arnt good he will drop us off at "Father Bakers" house. Years later growing up discovering who Father Baker He is actually a Priest whos helped alot of people, the total opposite of bad. But if we where really bad he would drive by that house and say he was going to drop us off if we kept being bad. ahah.

 

That I was bad. I had barely learned to speak. The bastards didn't know me that well.

 

"just tell me the truth, i won't be mad".

 

oh, wow... so many lies!
where could i even hope to start?
ok, this was when i was 7 and, i dropped a bottle of orange juice. my mother said to me: "you goddamn worthless sack of shit! just for that, i'll cut your wee wee off and feed it to the dog!"
my 'wee wee' is still attached to the rest of me to this very day.

 

i don't mean to be picky here, but isn't that technically an "empty threat"?

that belongs in the "empty threats by your parents" thread.

 

"tell me the truth, I wont Get bad" ,

That our iguana was actually a dinosaur.

Because my Dad was and still is a firemen, he told me that when you join you get given a special type of washing liquid that you use once, after you use it you become fire retardant. - I loved that one

"If you don't go to sleep, Santa wont come"

Cant remember the rest

"

 

Seriously, I can't think of any lies, beside the SantaClaus thing. But I don't hold that against them. It was innocent fun. Plus they taught me the real meaning of Christmas.

And to be honest, a lot of things they told me that I didn't agree with, later on down the road of life, I found out to be true.

 

I'm not telling you what to do, but... (the unspoken next line: I'm going to punish you if you don't do what I say)