Ladies, would you keep dating this guy?

Hey girls! I am looking for some feedback on my relationship from someone who can be a little unbiased... ya know, someone who doesn't care about me nor him more than the other.

I met this really great guy a few months ago and we've been dating exclusively now for 2 months. We have so much in common, have a ton of fun together, he respects me... the whole package. The only problem is that I'm finding out things about his past that I don't like. They aren't things he hid from me, just things you don't necessarily know about a person from the get go. The 2 main ones are: 1) He is a self-diaognosed sex addict. We have sex a lot, but not as much as he desires, and it makes me wonder if I'm not doing enough or what he'll do to get more. 2) He used to meet people for sex that he found online to satisfy his addiction... but never while in a relationship. I'm not judgemental about these two things, but they do make me a little uneasy feeling because I have to wonder how much I can trust him.

Then... last night was the big kicker. He told me that he's recently started his own online dating site to make some extra money. He insists that it's becase he did research and found that it's a cheap and easy way to make a lot of money because of ads and memberships, but I can't help but wonder if he'd use it himself to find someone.

So what do you girls (and maybe guys Idk) think? Am I overreacting if he's given me no reason not to trust him in the past? Would you date someone who is attractive and whose job is to host a site full of sexy women who want sex w/o strings attached?

 

difficult one. i would. but that's primarily because i'm into open relationships. if his addiction took hold of him again, i would leave.

 

yeah... I've never thought about the whole open relationship thing before really. I think my main concern is that this guy talks about how if things keep going well, he could see a future for us and I don't quite understand how to merge a potential marriage with that sort of lifestyle. I mean... how do you make sure your boyfriend/fiance/husband loves you and wants to bond with you when they share that with someone else? I'm not judging but rather curious. I'd hate to loose him just because of something like this but I also have my fair share of trust issues

 

trust issues hav no place in an open relationship. dave and won't go near anyone with trust issues or even a disagreement. dave and i took long years to get to this point. we came to realize that there really is nothing to fear, neither one of us feels replaceable to the other. i'm #1, he's #1. the rest is just sex. sex isn't love.

however, with someone with addiction issues, i just don't really know. i mean, if they're addicted to something, aren't they replacing something else crucial with their addiction? but at the same time, i used to do drugs, so did dave. but look at us now.

 

He will cheat

 

I would continue to date him, mainly because at this point you have no reason not to trust him. However, if his 'dating site' thing bothers you, you need to talk to him about it. He shouldn't want to continue doing something that makes you uncomfortable and could possibly damage your relationship. There are other ways to make money, granted they might involve GETTING A JOB, but there are other ways to make money, and he should respect your feelings on that subject. As for the sex addict thing, people come with baggage. Hate to say it but it's true, and that baggage can be all sorts of different problems or issues. Don't judge him for his past if he's seriously getting help for it, and trying to make a positive change in his life, just encourage him and be there for support. But with the dating site, you need to discuss this with him because if you don't it can lead to more mistrust, and suspicion and this can and will effect your relationship. I wish you luck!!

 

i agree with the above poster. let the past stay in the past. i know i've done some things in the past that my boyfriend doesnt love.. and he's done things that i am not crazy about. but thats all in the past.
just let the lovin take ahold cause it will if you let it

 

i personaly could not do it... the whole sex addiction and having a online site would bother me alot and not knowing what he is doing on it... going on "business trips" lol... Hun its only been 3 months now, get out while u can

 

be honest and talk to him about it. ask him if he wants to get more serious, and if he does then tell him how you feel insecure about these things and that it bothers you a little bit.

 

You don't REALLY know someone after only 2 months (take it from me...I just broke up with a guy that I was only with for 3 months and after month 2, he became SEVERELY mentally abusive). Try talking to him about it...get into his past and the addiction...see if it may be something to worry about without coming right out and saying "i worry about this dating site." I find that digging into their past gives a great idea of what the future will be like...Approach it cautiously, however, you don't want him thinking your interviewing him for a job position!

 

He's definitely not hubby material. You can't take him or the relationship seriously. There is easier ways to make money these days. It's almost kinda a selfish, lazy act upon him I feel. He loves sex, what better way then to get money for it... Right?

Anyone with any kind of addictive behavior is a no go area, they are codependent, insecure, abusive, and needy. Put a huge strain on you, and the relationship. It's not fun, been there done that.

I myself like monogamous relationships. But if you and the guy are on the same intellectual level and can talk about it. Open up about it. Tell him, don't doubt your gut feeling too. If you don't like something. Then let him know. He'll gain respect for you.

You've only been dating for 2 months... This guy kinda seems weird. He's gunna be a totally different person after 6 months, try 2 years.

If he wanted to settle into something serious, he'd be working to fix his sex addiction, not working with it.

 

he will cwush your widdle heart...but if you're okay with that, go for it! :tongue:

 

sounds like my ex in a way , and i say dump him he is no good for u if he is one wanting that mch sex and is not satified w the sex , and two he might have an ego problem

 

he has given you no reason to not trust him (by your words) and yet you don't trust him....

Regardless of everything else, that says your relationship with him is going nowhere.

 

You have only been with this man a short time, so no doubt there is much more to learn about him. Everyone has skeletons in their closet. Most are forgivable, some are deal breakers.

How long did it take him to tell you about his dating site? was he keeping it from you in the beginning? has he made an effort to involve you with it in any way? These things can give a clear indication of his intentions. Make it clear that you are monogamous and expect him to be the same.

I know how you feel. Nobody should ever know about their partners sexual past, but unfortunatley with all the health risks present nowadays it is pretty necessary to have that discussion. Did he see a therapist for his addiction?

Anyways, you are still in the trial-and-error stage in your relationship. Personally, i would be creeped out and dump his ass right away. Just be wary of him and like the others said, DUMP HIM IF HE SHOWS ANY SIGN OF REVERTING TO HIS PAST BEHAVIOR.

good luck babe xoxo

 

I'd be leery of anyone who self-diagnoses themselves as anything, particularly something as abstract as being a sex addict. He may very well be one, but he also may be trying to justify certain behaviors by making himself seem like a victim.

 

Don't judge simply on the past. It may be something that he's overcome. Until he gives you a reason to leave, don't jump the gun. Let him know you're uncomfortable with it, but don't drop trust just because he's had problems in the past. You are in the here and the now and that's what counts.

 

but an addiction is never 'the past' is it?

 

It depends on how well they can control the addiction. An addiction doesn't have to be the end all. Person by person basis and I don't think she should necessarily jump ship until she knows for sure.