Just when I wanted to commit suicide....

Okay friends, this is going to be an emotionally heavy thread.
Finish the following sentence;

'Just when I wanted to commit suicide....'

What happened to prevent you from actually killing yourself?

 

cant say that I have ever wanted to commit suicide. Although, I have wanted to kill someone before. hmmmmmmm? guess i could have made it seem like their suicide.

 

I know, it is easy to make it look like a suicide. But that is a completely different topic.

 

taking the train to NY

 

So originally you wanted to jump in front of that train?

 

no.


i always told myself "if it gets so bad you feel the need to just die, you have to runaway first"

and thats just what i did

 

Run away from what? You can not run away from life without killing yourself.

 

yes i know.


i needed a change, and a wake-up call to those around me.

i feel like i've been asking for help forever now. failing over and over again, when they try and help me.

i needed time to think without them clouding my mind.. telling me what i should do.
i've forgotten who i am :&

i don't think you'd really understand.

 

I am a self-appointed philosopher, my job is to hide in someone else to understand myself. So yes, I understand and no, I do not.

 

This one touches home.

 

'Just when I wanted to commit suicide....'

I looked down my shorts and beat myself off furiously until i felt better.

 

...the rope broke.

...I miscalculated the amount of poison needed.

...I vomited up the pills.

 

...my mom got home from work

 

'Just when I wanted to commit suicide....'

I found out I was pregnant with my first child and death was no longer an option


my mom had just kicked me out, my boyfriend had just dumped me, and then I found out about Deja.....suddenly neither of them mattered. I was somebody's mother and needed to start acting like it.

 

'Just when I wanted to commit suicide....'
i kept telling myself things would get better


years ago when i too was suicidal (around age 12/13), i used to repeat "things will get better, things will get better, things will get better..." over and over in my head.

that was at a time when my parents were thinking of divorcing (they didnt in the end, and are still together today), i was heavily bullied at school, and was constantly antagonized by friends unaware that i was in such a bad place, mentally and physically.

but by forcing optimism into my sub-conscience, i gradually managed to pull myself from depression. and ive never been suicidal since, thank god!

 

i just usually wanna kill someone else.

 

Just when I wanted to commit suicide...

...Matrix III came out,
and well, I'd already seen the first two...

 

'Just when I wanted to commit suicide....'

i tried....many, many times
the last time i stopped because i knew that i was being selfish and that i would never be able to forgive myself because of the hurt that i caused everyone that i loved

 

This isn't me, but just when my ex-husband was putting on his shoes to kill himself, I walked in the door.

 

I tried so many times that sometimes in my sleep I dream I don't exist anymore. Sorry no comedic punch.