I've had it with Suboxone/Subutex!

Most of you are aware of my opiate and Sub use I have been enduring for the past 4 years. To quickly sum it up for those of you who aren't - I went from Loritabs to Percs to Roxy 30's (which got extremely heavy) to a year of Methadone treatment to a year of Subs (Subutex, Suboxone [pills & just recently strips]).

I have made up my mind. I can't live like this anymore. I'm sick of opiates and opiate blockers controlling my life. So many times I've tried to quit, using all kinds of different methods, natural remedies, etc.

Welcome to my Day 2 without Subs (which is no where near the hardest it will get). My plan this time... A week of Xanax use for sleep and anxiety... And small amounts of Ketamine throughout the week to curve my cravings and to ensure I don't go too crazy with the Xanax.

Wish me luck and for those of you that have SUCCESFULLY quit long term opiate use, I'm open to any suggestions you can give me. Please no natural remedies, I have tried things like Kava Kava for so long that it doesn't even effect me anymore.

 

I wish i could do the same things as you man. I have been on subs for about 6months and i would like to get off them. IF you do it..let me know how you do. If i do go off my subs i think im going to do it in the summer...with college finals and what not coming up. I cannot afford to be in withdraw.

GOOD luck.. you will need it.

 

Will do, friend. I feel you on everything having to be at the perfect time. You definitely don't want to be in withdrawal during something as important in your life as finals, etc.

For me, this probably isn't the best time, but I just can't take it anymore. I have a lot of shows coming up at the end of April and after that my friend and I are showcasing our live two piece EDM band all over Miami. I just need to be 100% myself again. I want all of this, but only with a clear mind, body, and soul.

Good luck on your finals, kind friend.

 

Clinics like Methadone/Sub clinics? I have done Methdone clinics... ones that supply both Methadone and Suboxone. In my experience, these clinics want you to become complacent so that you keep spending money on the drugs they provide... I have literally tried everything.

Welcome to Day 3. Yesterday I was pretty much in xanax coma, went to the beach and did a bit of K and then got into the water (one of my favorite activities) with some friends. Even though I felt a bit edgey, the xanax and ketamine really calmed me down and allowed me to enjoy the activites I participated in. I had ran into a few old friends lately in the neighborhood offering me Dilauded and Roxys, but I stood tall and said No.

I really think this is it guys. I just woke up and it's about 6:46 in the morning, I feel a bit edgey but I'm about to take just a quarter of a bar and maybe watch a few movies until my fiance and my friend wake up. I havent felt like doing any work with music, but obviously I'm kind of in a xanax state and I obviously didn't expect to be full of energy and life at this point.

I had a very weird experience on K in the ocean yesterday. Because it was windy and of course I was at a public beach I had stuck the straw in the bag and possibly snorted a bit more than I had bargained for. I got in the water and the waves were really choppy. I became very confused... I went a bit too far out because of the strong current and I was paddling hard to keep my head up and to get back to where I could touch the sand with my feet again. While I was bobbing up and down in the water for air and finally made it to where I could stand again, I had this weird vision/experience. I felt as if I had just been reborn or maybe even like I had come out of some kind of futuristic surgery where you recover in some sort of wave pool (Sorry if it doesn't make any sense, the experience is really hard to put in words). The sun was blazing, I had to squint even through my long wet hair that was covering my face. At first glance it looked like everything was new, like I was coming out of a haze that I couldn't find my way out of for the past 4 years. It felt incredible.

 

A few hours later, I think I'm losing it... On top of everything I'm out of cigs. I just freaked out on my best friend and my fiance... Throwing plates at the wall, etc. I've eaten some xanax, but it's not really calming me down anymore.

Someone, anyone, please tell me I can do this.

 

I have seen it done. You just have to know you want to quit. IT happens everyday.

What is your EDM band??

Thats awesome your about to tour Miami. You playing at ultra by chance?

 

Just came to. My fiance apparently went out and bought me cigs and more xanax... as well as my favorite soda. I had another friend bring me a bit of beautiful crippy. I'm pretty sedated. I don't really remember what happened earlier but there are literally pieces of plates stuck inside my living room wall. I'm so glad I have such supportive people with me right now. I don't think I could have got this far alone.

My EDM band is 'High Five Situation' we are literally just getting it off the ground. Our website and promotional material is in the works. We will be doing our first live show in June. Both me and my partner are already established dj's so I'm hoping everything comes together rather quickly. As far as Ultra is concerned, yes we are shooting for next year. I've worked for Ultra for years so it's very possible, but have a lot to accomplish not only with my dj career, my band, and obviously freeing myself from the hold these opiates and opiate antagonists have had on my my mind body and soul for the past 4 years.

 

Sweet keep me updated on the info.... and ya opiate recovery is a LONG process. If I knew getting off of them would have been half this bad i would have stayed far far away from these fuckers

 

imo you're to young to be stung out on heroin..

 

You have to REALLY want to quit. I'm clean 16 months now and it was the hardest thing I have ever overcome. Good people around you will make it a little easier but only you can truly help yourself. Reading your post reminds me to never go back (although I'd like to) Good Luck and just DO IT!

 

Addiction doesn't discriminate...not even age

 

i beat a heroin/oxy/benzo addiction about 4 months ago. i still do the occasional perc or xanny, but mostly i smoke bud now. there's a point to hard drugs where you keep at it even though you're just digging a bigger hole for yourself.

edit: psychedelics are fantastic too. next time you want to go buy some roxys, do yourself a favor and buy an eighth of shrooms instead.

 

Tough stuff. I got a little taste of addiction this last year bartending trying to self medicate myself for my back pain. I realized it was getting a bit out of control so I stepped down. I'm still suffering. I was poppin roxy after roxy for awhile... Every 3 days I still get extremly moody until I break down and get a loritab. I'm on the way to recovery though. Homestrech.

Biggest part is to not make excuses for yourself and take it day by day.

Best of luck.

 

best of luck to you djomalley. sadly, i myself am beggining to find myself in a sad situation with opiates. been eating pills for years, but since ive started with dope, i can see it getting out of control. I am finally managing to realize i can cope with my other mental issues without using opiates. Its hard, and i am by no means REALLY sick, but i feel your pain to a certain degree. A good/bad thing about my situation is that i almost always have very little money. It is good that i dont a lot of the time because i am not tempted to blow it on heroin or pills, but it is bad because a) its hard to live without money where i am and in my situation, and also, for two weeks or a month, i want to possibly use subs to help to the cravings for dope, but i dont have the money to go to the clinics near, which ONLY accept cash *cough* corrupt *cough*

anyway, djomalley, i hear your pain, best of luck to you brotha, stay the course.

 

I'm not strung out on Heroin, Ori.

 

Thank you for all your kind comments... I'm on Day4 and I'm still super edgey... The xanax is helping and I'm sleeping a lot.

I woke up this morning feeling great, but after a few hours I started feeling indescribably edgey. I have great friends around me helping me out. I plan on keeping everyone posted through this thread. I love hipforums and all you beautiful people because I feel like I can be honest about everything without sugar coating shit.

 

Just woke up again... Technically since it's 4:13 in the morning I'm on Day 5. Sleeping a LOT thanks to good ol xanax. Waking up just now was hard... My skin is crawling. Vomiting has ensued. I'm hot. I'm cold. I'm trying to be strong, but this is harder than I ever thought it could be.

 

8am in the morning, feeling a bit better... still eating pieces of xanaxes here and there but nothing major... The nausea has subsided... Just got out of my hot tub and I feel a bit of clarity that wasn't there before.

I can't thank some of you enough that have responded to this thread and been so supportive. Although I do have supportive friends here with me and the greatest fiance ever, it's made it even easier communicating with you guys - getting feedback and positive energy. Seriously you guys are the best. As I've said before, there are not many places where I can literally be so completely honest and upfront about situations such as these without being judged.

 

Ya its hard being addicted to these substances... im glad your recovery is going along rather quickly... Ill probably need some type of sleeping aid once i jump off these subs. I am down to 1 mg in the morning and 2 mg in the afternoon

 

4/17 7:30AM Day 7 - I didn't update yesterday because things took a horrible turn for the worse. I went from up to down rather suddenly and quickly. My skin began to crawl, cold sweats came on heavy, my hair on my arm standing literally straight up, I became extremely emotional. I wanted something so bad. My close friends had already took the liberty to call all sources to make sure I would be turned down. I begged for something small, a loricet... anything. My fiance called my best friend who had to literally come grab me from a sources house. It wouldn't have mattered, he wasn't going to sell me anything anyway.

I'm emotional now talking about it. My friend demanded that I drive his car, he said it would be theraputic. We went to go get frozen cherry icees and a bag of weed. He told me that if I put any opiate in my body, even a loricet, that it would kill him. We got on the interstate and put in the new Radiohead album. Windows down. Musical Therapy. City Lights. Miami Heat. He reminded that people depend on me and love me and all the things I have to look forward to, that we don't have to numb ourselves to get through this world.

Thom Yorke starts to release his soul on Lotus Flower through our stereo. The volume is jacked to the top and the air rushing in from the opening sunroof slowly ease my anxiety. The lyrics resonate in my brain... my heart... my soul... my energy... my being... whatever.

"There's an empty space inside my heart
Where the weeds take root
And now I'll set you free
I'll set you free

Slowly we unfurl
As lotus flowers
'Cos all I want is the moon upon a stick
Just to see what if
Just to see what is
I can't kick your habit
Just to fill your fast ballooning head
Listen to your heart"

We get to my friends house. He greets me at the car and holds me in a brotherly embrace for what felt like minutes. He is no stranger to what I'm going through right now. We go in. Smoke. Chat. Watch the roast of Bob Saget. And bounce.

When I get home, I'm still very emotional. I decide to put on my Mumford & Sons album and listen to a few of the more psychedelic tracks from the first album. I finish my last bag of K. Lay back and look at myself... where I'm at... how I got there... how I could let it get to this point. My emotions are extremely intense. I call my fiance in the bedroom, hold him close, I bear my soul... I won't do this to you anymore. I won't do this to me anymore.

I continue to search for strength. Here's to a better day.