it's no fun being "crazy"

seriously. i have to go do something TODAY.. and i've been putting it off.. now i have 6 dollars to my name. almost no food. no rent money. the anxiety is winning and i don't wanna go. i don't even have all the paperwork they want. plus they claim i have a car worth 2,400 dollars.. and i don't! my exhusband sold it without my consent almost 10 years ago. :nopity:

y'all are supposed to be my cheap therapy.. help me!

 

9:22: Personal note: When I was a little kid my mother told me not to stare into the sun, so once when I was six, I did. At first the brightness was overwhelming, but I had seen that before. I kept looking, forcing myself not to blink, and then the brightness began to dissolve. My pupils shrunk to pinholes and everything came into focus and for a moment I understood.

 

I'm not going to quote a movie.

I'm just going to tell you to suck it up and go for god's sake. Don't be such a baby.

 

No, no...Dont stare into the sun, you'll go blind. Especially if you havent washed your face.
And dont look into the mirror at night. The Devil will come for you.


Aww,Boogabah... I trully hope everything turns out great for you. You deserve it.

 

thanks.. i just.. well.. they don't listen.. and i need people that listen. :nopity: it annoys me that i even have these feelings inside my brain. i would like nothing more than to go into my closet, close the door, and sleep. but i can't do that.

gonna take my kid to school in 25 minutes, come home, get as much paperwork as i can, leave here at 12:30 to go there.

"crazy" + poor = not fun. i just wanna paint.

 

Give them the finger under the desk the whole time. Maybe it'll help.

 

i just might.

my lame-ass will probably end up crying. i did the last two times. it's just stressful... i need the help.. but like.. not on their terms. :& sorry.. but i can't work a "normal" job. i wanna paint.. i know, i know.. they're crappy paintings right now.. but the more i paint and draw and do artsy stuff.. it's gets better and better. maybe i should just dump the boyfriend (again) and marry a sugardaddy.. but a sugardaddy would want me to be a "normal" plastic woman.

bitch bitch bitch ramble ramble ramble!

 

Well yeah it'd be massive stress. I don't get your problem with 'normal' work. Like the real reason?

 

for fucks sake. Suck it up. You have a child.

 

because after awhile i get.. uumm.. well shit it's hard to explain. i'll just end up quiting because of stress or anxiety. like i won't be able to force myself to go. and shoes.. i don't think i could wear them.. they're just weird. :&

nevermind.

:leaving:

 

Go to a shrink. I'm sure there are free ones around.

 

Are you on any anti-anxiety meds?

 

I sleep in front of a mirror. I always wake up in the middle of the night, the mirror is usually the first thing in my line of vision... do you think the Devil is coming to get me?

 

That's a little stark...

 

i think calling people crazy is dismissive...maybe their environments a little sick...

 

Boog, you need some help. It is not normal to not be physically able able to wear shoes when you need them. Barefooting should be a choice, not a necessity.
My son went through a stage where he couldn't wear a shirt without throwing up, it bothered his upper back so much...it sounds like you have some sensitivity issues.

:hug:

 

no i'm not on meds... i wouldn't take them anyways.

yes, i know i should be seeing a real therapist or whatever. i realize i've got "issues", more than i even tell you all. :&

hhmm.. i've said to much already.




:leaving:

 

Yeah. A little bit of their environment. A little bit it's us.

But it's ok to be sick and try to recover.

 

Why wouldn't you consider taking medication if your anxiety is hindering you from going places to get the assistance you need to take care of your kids?

I am not judging, I am just asking.
I had a mother who was very anxious and refused to go on meds for a long time. I picked up a lot of her anxieties and phobias. She is a much better prson on medication and her artistic skills have gotten better and her paintings brighter.

 

Well...I'm just gonna throw this out there...


I think ideologies can get someone in a little corner. Like, me vs. the world kind of thing.

And that attitude is very anxiety-producing.