Islam and dating?

So here's my situation, I'm Catholic and the love of my life is Muslim, her parents are overly fanatical to the point of making her nearly renounce her religion, and it doesn't matter to her what religion I am, but her parents do. We're both 16 and plan to get married after we turn 18 regardless of what her parents say, but for the time being her parents (who recently discovered that I exist after a year of oblivion..) said that it would never work unless I was Muslim. Can someone please explain how relationships work in Islam? And I am willing to convert so would that allow me to be with her? I mean we're going to be together in the end but I'd really like to make this work for the time being...

 

With all due respect paintballer, its not correct that you ascribe her parents like 'fanatics' if all they do is withold a belief that their daughter should be married to a muslim since this is the standpoint of the Quran and it also explains quite clearly that these kind of relationships (1. outside marriage 2. Muslim girl marrying a non muslim) are prohibited since they are means that will lead to immorality.

Dating in islam: http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?cid=1119503545452&pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar%2FFatwaE%2FFatwaE

Marrying a non muslim: http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503543072

You seem quite anxious to marry this girl which shows us the dilemma. Yes, by converting you would be able to marry her and there are no such thing as "race" in islam, were all brothers as the prophet(peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) said:

"All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black nor a black has any superiority over a white - except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood."

But in that case, you shouldnt convert merely of the fact that you want to marry this girl. I mean, if you believe in the absolut oneness of God and you believe in all the prophets as rightous men sent by God, in all the books that were revealed and if you believe in the virtousness of living ones life by submitting to God as the Quran says; "Nay,-whoever submits His whole self to Allah and is a doer of good,- He will get his reward with his Lord; on such shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve"

If you believe in these things, then there is nothing to stop you from entering islam and hopefully mary the girl you love. But if you would refuse this, then know that it would grief your wife that she lost the connection of her family by strongly disobeying them and her Lord and that it would distress both them for losing her daughter and you yourself for all the mess it would mean.

Now if you would embrace islam and her parents would still feel affronted to the idea of marriage than I would not suggest that you would take any hasty nor unneedy decisions by doing as you wish but by trying to win their approval instead since this would indeed benefit your marriage. If this would happen, I would suggest you contact a knowledgble imam in the nearby community who can resort things out for you , by the permission of God.

For more information about what you might get induldge with, Ide refer you to www.islamtomorrow.com , and in particular this audio by Yusuf Estes (ex preacher) usually explains it well.

 

First, I would like to thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it. But that's not at all why I called them fanatics, even their daughter calls them fanatics. Thay are very abusive to the point where her father beat her because she wrote a poem about Love and he thought a woman could have no such feelings. They take everything out of context, especially when it comes to women, her father thinks that women are basically no where near equal to man and her mother doesn't do much to help... The one I love, (I'll just call her R), in a nutshell hates her family and would do anything to get away from them... Also, she's has been telling me numerous things in Islam over the past few months and I have been interested in it for some time, I like it's purity and seems to be the truest sounding religion I've heard so far. I guess the thing with her parents is just the thing to finally make me think about converting. From R's point of view she could care less whether I convert or not, she loves me for who I am and we will end up getting married either way...

 

I understand, Im sorry as you might have a point. Unfortunatly the muslim nation has this new kind of problem called "culture", theres too many stories about families upholding ties that have no relation with islam. Everything from forced marriages to degrading women, its a shame that they hold such disgusting values though their prophet commanded them otherwise. How can a muslim father treat his daughter bad when the prophet(peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) said:


"Whoever hath a daughter and doth not bury her alive, doesn't scold her or prefer his male children to her, may God bring him to paradise".

and claim that they are low when their prophet said; "Women are the twin halves of men" ? and he also said; 'The world and all things in the world are precious but the most precious thing in the world is a virtuous woman"

And its impossible for a muslim to deny that women can feel affection aswell, especially since their book says; And among His signs is this, that He has created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them; and He has put love and mercy between you. Verily in that are signs for those who reflect. (30:21)

I hope things works out for you two but remember that the best way of doing things are the rightous way, Allah(may he be exalted) says;

"It is not Al-Birr (piety, righteousness, etc.) that you enter the houses from the back, but Al-Birr is from Taqwa(an arabic word which is difficult to translate, usually called "piety" "fearing God" and "guarding of evil"). So enter houses through their proper doors, and have Taqwa of Allah that you may be successful" 2.189

Take my previous advice about consulting an imam, have trust in God and I hope it goes all well. Just pm me or email me if ya need anything, if I dont know... well then I dont know : )

 

basically your girlfriend is involved in a very nasty death cult, and there are lots of cases of other cult members killing and torturing people like your girlfriend and you .

my advice would be go to sites like faithfreedom.org http://www.faithfreedom.org/forum/index.php

or http://www.apostatesofislam.com/forum/index.php

and talk to people who are in the same or worse situation as yourself , they have subforums that support people who are leaving islam and also have family members who are still muslims

be careful of being drawn into this death cult yourself and do everything you can to stop its spread .

if you become a muslim your children are likely to face the same problems you and your girlfriend face .

dont trust on face value anything a imam or mullah says for the most part they are liars , in fact there is a whole part of islam based around lieing to kafirs its called kitman or Taqiyya http://www.ci-ce-ct.com/Feature%20articles/02-12-2002.asp.

get informed look at pro and anti islam sites, take the time to read through discussions on sites like faithfreedom, which is a site set up by ex-muslims, I dont have the time to post that much these days but you can pm me .

if you become a muslim yourself you will be putting yourself at more risk of being killed if you wish to leave. is this religion really something you would wish to respect or get involved with

best wishes jon

 

Cabdirazzaq, thank you for this information, I really appreciate it. I have spent hours on end studying Islamic culture, beliefs, practices, history, law, ideology, theology, and philosiphy and I find it fascinating and I strongly feel that I want to convert and will hopefully go about doing so very soon. After all the studying I have found that the media does a great job at completely destroying the morality of the religion to an unimaginable degree.

And jonny2mad, I thank you and appreciate your help although I think that is a little overly radical and I don't think it's quite that bad... I do plan on converting but staying pure and true to traditional Islam.

 

Well here's a little update on my situation...


R's mom is having a change of heart so to speak and is starting to accept me and is acknowledging our love and that we will be together. Her father, is getting worse and has gotten in a fight with the entire family which caused them to turn against him and he has even gone so far as to beat his wife.. which he has never done before...

 

Ive lived in a islamic country so Ive seen traditional islam first hand, it sucks and the islam in the koran with slavery and cruifixtion isnt anythings Id want to sign up to .

people do get killed for leaving or for dating muslim girls all the time .

post on faithfreedom there are loads of people who did what you intend doing converting for love and they may be able to give you some advice.

becoming a muslim is to be taken more seriously than joining other religions and without talking to people who have been in and left your only getting one side of the picture .

my dad nearly converted back in the 1970s in saudi ,so I nearly got dragged into it myself but you are better talking to people who have been muslims .

anyway best of luck

 

oh wow! so you lived in an islamic country where "traditional islam" was bein followed ? and yet, made it alive back to your country ?! buggers don't seem to have followed the true teachins of islam then eh ..!

 

paintballer, i imagine you're goin thru quite a challengin phase in your life ..as do most. it aint easy in most cultures (not necessarily religion) for consentin to a daughter bringin home a guy she wants to live the rest of her life with ..however, things are changin in most places and hopefully our generation and the next will be more open than our folks have been

talkin about the beatin his wife thing ..again, got nothin to do with religion - its a sad face of humanity that exists again in most cultures ..includin the most developed countries

good luck to you and R with the rest of the circus

 

when I lived in a islamic country saudi arabia I wasnt as vocal against the religion as I am now .

wife beatings got nothing to do with religion

Koran, Sura tal Nisa ayat 34: Men are in charge of women, because Allah has made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah has guarded. As for those from whom you fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and SCOURGE THEM. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High Exalted, Great."

 

Ok I'll do some posting on that site, jonny2mad, but from the looks of it it seems to be created by ant-muslims...


And thanks stoney69, it's nice to have your support.

 

ali sina is a ex muslim iranian and yep hes very anti islam, its quite a abrasive site apostates of islam is a bit more laid back but not as busy .

a lot of the posters are atheists, and often they are a bit abrasive and cynical, you find that with atheists generally we are a pretty miserable bunch of bastards .

I used to be a morman, and I regret not listening to ex-mormans before joining, what i think is this, if islam or mormanism is true it should stand up to whatever people who dont believe in it say .

so your right to go through both sides before making a serious choice .

best of luck, I hope people are not to mean to you on ffi, as I say its abrassive, but you get a wide variety of views mainly anti islam, but some pretty strange views as anybody can join.

by all means visit islamic sites too, cab can most likely tell you about some good ones he likes . most islamic sites Ive been on are pretty tough on moderateing or censorship so I dont think you get both sides of the question , but they are worth visiting .

anyway best of luck with you and your girl Im off to bed