Is my son gay? Please Help.

First of all I'd like to state that I am in no way against the gay/lesbian community. I am simply here to help my son and get information.

I am a mother of two boys. One is five and the other is four. My four year old is the topic at hand today. I have noticed an increase in a more femanine drive in my son. His body language shows that of language of a female. Since he was three years old, he's shown more and more signs. Such as, 1. He'd rather play house, than transformers, usually with him being the mommy. 2. He stated and is very firm about the subject, that his favorite color is pink. 3. he's drawn to girl toys than boy toys, and if he gets a boy toy, he destrys it. on the other hand if he gets a girl toy, he takes care of it. 4. he's touched his brother in his private area before and has even licked him there. (very sensative subject so please be nice in your response about that) 5. he'd rather have a purse than a back pack. 6. he changes clothes at least 10 times a day. 7. he's constantly washing his hands. Are these signs that my son is gay? or am I simply sterio typing him?

I am not concerned if it turns out that he is gay, my only feelings are that I want to nurture him properly if he is. I want him to know that despite everyday society, his step father and I both love him and will accept him regardless. But how do we do that? Do we get him the toys he desires or continue to get him the boy toys? Do we get him the pink bike with the basket like he's asked, or do we get him a boy bike? How do we explain to his brother that his little brother is different, so that he will accept him and love him despite the difference between them?


Best regards to all of you. I would really like to get some helpful advice. Thank you

 

I have 4 children , two of which are boys. My oldest boy is straight and my youngest is Bi . I realy wouldnt worry much , I think its a GOOD thing for young boys to play with dolls and play house , as it nurtures maternal feelings in them , and thus , i believe they will be better more loving parents , as for the other things , hes a young child , if it were a girl , no one would worry if she wanted to play at being a cowboy , or something else masculin , and act like a tomboy. I think people put to much emphasis into whats proper for little boys and what isnt. He sounds like a WONDERFUL little guy , and i wouldnt want him to change !!
I myslef am also Bi.....so , maybe im not a good one to reply to your questions , but , i do understand why you worry...just keep loving him , and he will be the sweet , kind hearted person you want him to be !

 

It could be. Of course, I have a friend, who doesnt know im bi, and hes kind of anti-gay, and he was just like this as a little kid, so I dont know.

 

Thank you for your response. It is very helpful. And yes he is a very wonderful boy and no I don't want him to change either. I just want to know how to nurture this side of him. I've actually had a crazy Idea that I'm to blame for him being this way, and I know its crazy but when I was pregnant with him, I completely felt and believed that I was pregnant with a girl, and was totally surprised when he was born a boy. I know crazy huh?

 

I think with each individual, it's different. In all honesty, I think that you may be stereotyping... he's just a little one and is still innocent to acceptable gender roles (for the most part, I suppose, although I don't know him or how you have raised him thus far). Now, I'm not expert but I do have many friends and even a couple family members who identify as queer. I also know people who are straight but have succeeded in defying the gender roles expected of them in our society. A female welder and male fashion designer, to name a few.

My instinctual advice is to just love him. Nurture his likes and interests, not because he may be gay, but because he's a little kid who is into washing his hands, changing clothes, and the colour pink. What's a "girl toy" anyways...?

Let him be free to explore whatever it is that he needs to, and over the years he will discover himself, either way. It seems to me that people push their sexual orientation in one direction or another based on society's expectations of them as either a guy or a girl. Foster him as an individual, and if it turns out that he is gay, he will most likely be comfortable telling you and your husband because you always accepted him for what he was and never got mad at him for liking pink or wanting to play with barbies, etc.

Nurture individuality. I get so much love from your post though, so I'm sure you're a great mom who loves her sons with all her heart and soul. Don't worry, they feel that, and it will allow them to blossom into whatever it is that they are meant to be.

Much peace to you.

 

To Unlearn.to.be.free
Thank you so much for your advice, ideas and consideration to the situation. your advice is greatly appreciated and will do well for my husband and myself in raising our sons. Thank you again so very much.

 

Miss angelbabygirl1040.....I am so glad you came here to get advice , we have SO many wonderful , loving gay people here in this forum that would lbe VERY happy to help you with any questions you have. You seem to be a loving , caring mom , and , should your little boy turn out to be gay when he is older , he will be so fortunate to have a mom like you that cared enough to seek out advice instead of hating and denying what might be.
Please , continue to come here ...we enjoy handing out any help we can !

 

Your son could be gay, but you shouldn't assume he is. He's still very young and may develop and become more masculine. Realisation of one's true sexuality isn't something that a child of four would experience, so give it time and see how things turn out. As for how you should bring him up - just keep telling him that no matter what, you'll always love him and express your values and feelings about gay people (and just respect of others in general) to him. I'm sure that as he grows up, he will get the idea that you are perfectly alright with homosexuals

 

Thank you all for the wonderful advice. You have all been extremely helpful. When my husband gets home i will definitely show him what all of you have advised. I know he will appreciate it as well.

 

He is still very young and I think it is way to early to say whether he is or isn't gay. Let him do his own thing in his own time and he'll make that choice himself, of couse it could be ten years or so, but it is HIS choice.

let him be him

peace,
bob

 

Who knows? He's four years old for Christ's sake.

Femininity is hardly a 'deciding' factor.

 

what he said.

 

I don't think your son it actually at the age of weather he can be gay or not if you understand? He doesn't understand the meaning of "gay" more or less, and he probably wants to be different. I'd say keep a close eye on him, and if infact he gets older such as 7-8 years old, and he is still into girl "things" then maybe he might be. Or he could be camp. Afterall the people you think are gay because of the way they act, is sometimes straight. And the people you think are definatly straight are gay.

Eaither way he is your son, and his brother is his brother. I'm sure you'll find out in your own time.

 

I think there is a strong possibility of it, but I wouldn't encourage him to play with dolls and that stuff.

 

I do not agree, if he prefers dolls to dinosaurs or cars, why should his mother deprive him of the toys HE wants to play with? Ask any girl that isn't gay and I'm sure 5/10 will say when they were younger they preferd to play with their brothers' toys or cars and dinosaurs, rather than barbies etc.

 

I totally agree with the two above posts and to the original poster, try and chill out a bit, let him develope in his own way, you starting stressing at such an early age, could be what is needed to leave him with loads of issues as an adult
S

 

I think at such a young age it would be difficult to tell. I personally have known several others kids whom I have noticed throughout their years of infancy displaying surprising or unexpected behavior (such as the things you have listed) which would lead one to think that they would eventually develop strong homosexual tendencies however these children ended up as happy heterosexuals of their own accord and feel as though they were going through forgotten and meaningless phases. This is usually because kids are very succeptible to experiences and circumstances etc. and can sometimes subconciously develop such tendencies. Traumatic experiences can also trigger such behavioral habits (not that this is the case for you I am sure). I'd advise you to let him behave and live freely, allow him to play with feminine toys. He may by chance just be going through one of these phases that i have described however i strongly advise you to leave talking with him about homosexuality and his feelings towards it for the time being and act as though his behavior is quite normal and harmless. Best of luck anyhow. I hope this information will reassure you that his behavior is not uncommon and understandable.

p.s I shared some of his behavioral characteristics when i was younger (e.g the handwashing, changing clothes too often, playing with feminine toys, and having very effeminate gestures) however now I am a happy 17 year old Bi-sexual. All of these mannerisms and habits have vanished, I'm no longer the least bit effeminate or flamboyant and a stranger would never chance a guess at myself being a Bi-sexual. Try not to worry about it, he's still very very young!

 

I NEVER played with dolls....I was busy climbing trees and building forts , and playing with all my male buddies. But those things didnt make me gay , it was just FUN .
All he needs is lots of love , and to know that everything is ok , no matter what happens , and he will be a WONDERFUL person , very strong and sure of himself.

 

my Younger Brother...LOVED Doing Some Girly Things at a Young Age...

One of His Favourite Things were Tea Sets...
making Cups of Tea for His Toys...

He has Grown up to be a Typical Young Boy...