In school suspension...(long)

...for defending yourself against someone who attacked you? Agree or disagree?

Friday afternoon I received a message from my childrens' elementary school principal saying that he had my son in the office due to a "problem that occured during recess". He informed me that he would be sending home a paper with him explaining what had happened, and if I had any questions or concerns to give him a call.

Well, my oldest son, who is in the 3rd grade, came home from school Friday afternoon extremely worked up. He preceeds to tell me that a boy had attacked him on the playground while he was playing with some of his friends. Apparently, this boy came over to my son with a group of other boys, and then the "ring leader so-to-speak" wrestled my son to the ground and started hitting him. So, my son shoved him off of him in defense, the recess aids on duty saw, and reported both boys to the office.

My son had a chance to sit with the principal and tell him what had happened, that this other boy had come after him and he was simply defending himself, but still, my son ended up with a one day in school suspension.

The other boy involved was also given an in school suspension, although I'm not sure if it was for the same time frame or not.

I realize that the schools have a zero tolerance policy, however, you mean to tell me that in order for my son not to be punished, he needs to just lay there on the ground and let someone beat the crap out of him?

I know it's just one day that he's suspended, however he is so upset over the whole situation that my heart just breaks for him.

He's a great kid, an honor roll student, his teachers have nothing but praise for him, say he's a real team player, works extremely well with the other kids in class, so polite and well-mannered...however he's somewhat shy and has had a lot of issues this year with certain boys picking on him, and my husband and I figured it was just boys being boys as it seemed pretty mild mannered and we realize that our son tends to be overly sensitive, but now I feel like we should have made the principal aware of this fact, that our son has been having issues with outdoor recess...although I realize it still wouldn't change the fact that he has to follow the suspension due to what happened.

*sighs*

I understand, but I don't. My kid gets in trouble for not letting someone beat the crap out of him, when he did nothing to deserve the attack in the first place. This same situation happened with my nephew several years ago. He was attacked during school, fought back in defense, and ended up with a 3 day suspension. It just doesn't seem fair to me, but what can you do?

So my poor boy has to sit in the office all day today and he was almost sick over it this morning. Poor guy. He's a nervous wreck. I told him that it will be okay, and not to worry, but I still feel like I want to cry for him.

 

I see what you mean. It looks like an absurd punishment, but well... so many rules are absurd and no one cares to change them.

 

Yeah unfortunately a lot of schools are like that...I'd seen it happen wen I was younger-one kid approached another kid, one kid threw the punch, both kids were kicked out for a week. It's sad but I guess they do it to show "fairness" and show other kids that no matter what, if you are fighting, you will be in trouble.

 

they dont have to be right,they dont care what you or i think. they have total control over your children and they have a mission to complete.

the issue to me is that you have your kids in public schools at all..

the public schools are not there to educate your children they are there to indoctrinate your children. they are there to find fault in you as a parent and suck you in to the system..
get your kids out and homeschool them while there is still time to save their minds..

 

I went thru this years ago with my daughter. I told the nice kind principal (very small woman) I was going to proceed in beating the hell out of her, she could in no way attempt to block my blows only cry out for help and if she did attempt to block my blows then she too should have to serve time in jail for assualt as well.

My daughter has always been very small, she is 21 and only 4-10 so some boys would pick on her, hit her and when she defended herself the playground dogs (duties) would then put both parties in trouble.

I think its BS Heather, I would seek a lawyer. All 50 states allow you to defend yourself if attacked. Next the school will allow your daughter to be raped because she has to lay there and take it or she will be puished too? Pure bullshit.

 

Yeah thats bullshit, you should have a go at them for allowing to even happen in the first place, thats what i'd do kick up a fuss.

 

I do understand why they do what they do regarding punishment in those circumstances, it's just tough when your kid is on the receiving end up someone else's violence.

Now if I found out that he started the fight, well, that's a completely different matter altogether. I absolutely will not tolerate him doing that. However, I still stand firm, despite the suspension, that if someone attacks him, don't just sit there and let them hurt you.

I just hope that this is a one time thing and doesn't happen again!

 

I do not understand why they do what they do. Personally i think it is ok to punch some for even threatening your personal safety (deliberatley).

 

This could be a good life-experience for him, though. School is tough and I'm sure he wasn't expecting this kid to just come and push him around like that. At least he knows and you know that he can defend himself if need be.

 

And yes, HHB, I've gone round and round about the homeschooling issue since before my oldest even went to kindergarten, afraid of making the wrong decision for my kids, worried if I was making it out of selfish reasons (not wanting to let go) or for legit reasons, but when things like this happen, I don't know. Maybe I should have went with my gut?

Oh yes, they are EXTREMELY controlling at the school, it's absolutely ridiculous sometimes, and very frustrating to deal with on a daily basis. You don't know how many times since school started this year that I've wanted to pull all three of them out.

 

I dont think it helps much at all... a street fight isnt going to be like a school yard fight in grade 3.

 

This is true...but this small school yard fight can make him more aware of the types of people out there. It's better to learn these things young and on your own rather than be blinded to it until one day someone really knocks you on your ass.

 

do it while you can! if your in a populated area i guarantee you there is a homeschool group .

even here they have one,although we are all pretty spread out.

the groups have field trips,get togethers etc. some in more populated areas even have sports teams..

they can also help you get started ,all the ins and outs,curriculum etc..

trust me,you wont regret doing it..

 

Maybe, i've been in my fair share of school fights but i have gotten myself into trouble anyway... never been knocked on my ass but that is the result of a skull like a football helmet rather then being a good fighter.

 

First off, make sure your son understands what he did wasn't wrong.

Also explain to him was what he did.... defending himself, was against the rules. In any aspect, even in self defense, violence is discouraged in schools. Tell him rules aren't always about right or wrong...like laws you have to wear your seatbelt.

Rules are about making sure everybody's safe. Tell him that part of growing up is accepting that the system isn't perfect, but it's better to have a way for the school to try to protect everybody. Giuve him a hug and tell him to accept something that's not fair.

Than tell him your proud of him for defending himself. You should be.

 

After my conversation with our school back then I enrolled my daughter in karate and then took her out of the system, my son too and by 16 she had her diploma, by 19 had her BA, my son was slower at 18 got his diploma. Both went thru online classes in thier later years to get the diploma,they also hold GED's from the state to back things up.

 

I agree with you, lode. He needs to know that he SHOULD defend himself when it comes to life, just know that in school, that is breaking the rules

 

The generation of French that lived through the horrors of WWI taught their children to turn the other cheek. And that's why Germany was able to march across France during WWII in three days with virtually no resistance.

I had the exact same problem with my son at that age. When he came to me for advice I told him NEVER to start a fight, but always finish one. When he was suspended from riding the bus for 6 weeks for dropping some kid who had been beating on him, I appealed, demanded an apology from the school and the boy who was hitting him and gladly drove him to school everyday while the appeal was pending. We lost that battle but won the war. No one ever picked on him that way again.

 

my little sister was constantly in trouble for fighting. we never judged her for it. fuck the school. love your boy. being in trouble for fighting on occaision is better than just laying there and taking it.

 

Your boy sounds like a great kid and I'm sure your school knows it. Its one of these situations that, for a principal, there is no right way. You see it from one perspective and the other parents will see it from the other perspective.

"In school" means they don't think your kid did anything horrible, however, they also have a duty to respond to all violence. I bet if you asked the other boy his side of the story it would be alot different than your sons. The school has to honor both sides of he story.

In the end, your kid will still get into college and he won't become addicted to ddrugs from this injustice.

Cheers

"He's a great kid, an honor roll student, his teachers have nothing but praise for him, say he's a real team player, works extremely well with the other kids in class, so polite and well-mannered...however he's somewhat shy and has had a lot of issues this year with certain boys picking on him, and my husband and I figured it was just boys being boys as it seemed pretty mild mannered and we realize that our son tends to be overly sensitive, but now I feel like we should have made the principal aware of this fact, that our son has been having issues with outdoor recess...although I realize it still wouldn't change the fact that he has to follow the suspension due to what happened.

*sighs*

I understand, but I don't. My kid gets in trouble for not letting someone beat the crap out of him, when he did nothing to deserve the attack in the first place. This same situation happened with my nephew several years ago. He was attacked during school, fought back in defense, and ended up with a 3 day suspension. It just doesn't seem fair to me, but what can you do?

So my poor boy has to sit in the office all day today and he was almost sick over it this morning. Poor guy. He's a nervous wreck. I told him that it will be okay, and not to worry, but I still feel like I want to cry for him. "