I'm gonna try to make this short

My sister......

She was adopted out when she was 2 and I was 4. I remember her and have missed her my whole life. She was given what a child should have. She was nutured and supported her whole life. We (she and I) both got our mom's raw material, brains and face. She blossomed and I fought. She was raised by loving, finiancially secure parents. I was raised by a crackhead and then by a woman shallow enuff to give her child away because of who her father was.

Fast foward. When she graduated high school, I went and saw her for the first time in 17 years. I looked thru her pictures with celebrities and articles about her in the paper (article after article). Her community service, her grades, her performances. She's fucking perfect. When we are leaving to go to graduation, she goes in a bathroom and I go in another. We come out in the same dress. It was then that I understood how close I was to being her and she to being me. It depressed me and I was ashamed that I had not been strong enuff to do better in my life. As I'm leaving, I tell her that I love her, always have, just like we had shared a room all the years that we've been apart. She stares blankly at me. She doesn't love me, she doesn't remember me, and she definitely doesn't want me in her life. I get in my car and leave.

Fast forward. For the last year, she has been emailing me. She called once and apologized. She said her parents enfluenced her not to have anything to do with me and that had been fine with her. She said that she has changed. She wants to be my sister. I have just healed and I don't want to give her the chance to hurt me again. So I avoid her. I read her emails and never respond even when she tells me that she lost my number and wants it again. Everyone(except her) knows that I decided to move to Atlanta after I finish school. One day I get an email saying that she is loving living in Atlanta. I was shocked as hell. So after a year, I finally respond and tell her that I'm moving there too. She says that she can't wait .....

My point is this....how can I love her when I hate her? I'm jealous and she hurt me bad 7 years ago. But I can't help but feel that fate is pushing us together. When I found out where she lives, I felt the same as I did staring at her in the same dress. I'm so scared of her. She is probably the only person that can REALLY break my heart. When it comes to her, I'm still a four year old that wants her sister back. I'm still me, school of hard knocks graduate, and she is still her, everybody's princess. I don't see how I don't end up hurt.

Sorry about the length of this but this is a subject that I don't EVER talk to anyone about. I needed to get it out.

 

Its like the old saying its better to love then to have never loved at all...

and apparently... fate is pushing you together don't fight it... shes blood go experince a relationship shes ready to try one now go for it.

 

wow missfontella, your story has really touched me. I think things happen for a reason, and now destiny wants you to be together again, in the same city...wouldn't that be a sign?

Life is too short to hold grudges...give her a chance, she's your sister, she needs you, as much as you need her.

Sometimes we're afraid of getting hurt but getting hurt is not the worse is it? losing someone we could've had something very special with sounds more hurtful to me. Listen to your heart, you are the one only who can forgive (hopefully you'll forget too)

 

i say go for it. more family is better than less. give her another chance. she was a kid back then, really, and has probably wised up a whole lot.

 

Well I can't really say this without sounding like an ass.. but it appears to me that you are jealous of her. Which isn't unexpected. But you need to realize that the two of you were exposed to different realities. You had to focus more on personal survivial, being raised by a crackhead (I'm sorry). Where she was able to look outside her own life more, since she had a stable environment to go back to. It was just the way it happened, and you shouldn't hold anything against her. That being said, I think going to Atlanta and establishing the relationship that never took place years ago will be a good thing. You will be in a new environment, away from painful memories and any self destructive routines. Plus she can show you around the town. Just remember she is true family, probably the closest person to you genetically. She might be the only family you have one day. Don't hate her, don't resent her. Peace.

 

MissFontella,

I can tell from what you write, the way you write, that you are a wonderful and sensitive soul. You are healthy in that you see your jealously, you are strong, you are in touch with very significant parts of your self; the world needs more of your kind in order to help on the long road of making our world better. And, more directly, your self honesty although painful is how you will be free, is how you will fully transcend the agony that you feel. You are beautiful, continue to do what is correct and you will transcend; you will heal. You reflect through your writng that you are, in your awareness and actions, insightful about yourself, insightful about your sister, insightful about your relationship with your sister and, clearly, you are protective of your sister. Further, my sense is that I should say, you will only be able to communicate best by having acquired the internal strength and associated confidence, and this can be nonobvious, that comes from the very acknowledgement of truth that you apparently do very well; that you have her 'in heart' always no matter what transpires; it is obvious that you love your sister but know that this is also a reflection; that you are able to engage and that you can handle seeing the truth of yourself as seen through realization of your expectations in this evolving relationship. It comes down to you, to your spirit. Listen to your sister and listen to yourself, be open to learning from your sister. Use your intuition and align yourself with any error by acknowledgement of the truth, and error will happen as this is normal and natural. Be, and discover, your self; embarrassment, sense of inadequacy, and other painful experiences can look very, very, different once the mind has calmed and learned, and depending on how these experiences are responded to; and, as plain and unacknowledged by others as it may seem, you already have the greatest blessing of all and it's something that you appear to be very good at.


Be Patient, Live Well, Be Peaceful,

David


.

 

Thanks everybody. I feel better now.

This all started because I'm going to Atl next month for a convention. I was trying to decide if I should tell her I'm coming. The conflict was the half of me that wants to spend some time with her and the fear of what will happen if I do. I'm just a scaredy cat when it comes to her (or my brothers for that matter)

Your posts have helped me but I'm not sure yet. I've got time to get over myself

 

I have an adopted brother and he don't give a shit about any of his blood family. He's a Szczeblewski and we love him. It's sorta hard explaining a somoan/hawaiian boy in a family full of Irish Polish.

 

You said it best MissFontella


Get over yourself. Give it a shot. If it works it works, if it doesn't and you end up hurt, then heal.

 

think of it this way, she is almost you, but she also will have different ideas and perspectives on things



so basicly, all you have to do is share your life stories ( as few people can do because they don't think in a manner similar enough for it to make sense) and you can then have something aking to having lived almost twice your own span of life, the wisdom you could gain would be amazing



not to mention the different perspective, she has a similar genetic and apparently mental pallette to you but different experiences tinting them, third person advice from her could be invaluable


empathy is a powerful thing.....

 

Quest,

You have a great cat. I dig that cat in your sig. Deep, Dignified, Beautiful.

23

 

Or just get drunk.

 

natural23, you have nice posts bro. Very deep

 

I told him, he looked very happy about being complimented...


or maybe I'm just a demented pet owner.... you never know......

 

well, demented for sure but it is a nice lookin cat

 

his sister is identical (though long hair and without a kinked tail) but she hates having her picture taken....

 

life can be hard, and yes, life can be shitty. after 27 and 25 years though, i think yo uare both ready to drop the mind fuck left to you by other people (ie, youre respective up bringers) and get on with yourselves. jealousy and regrets are nice enough in thier own right, but if the two of you dropped it all, you might end up with best friends for the next 50 years, that will never leave eachother. who knows?

 

Miss F, she is your blood sister no matter which way you look at it and in the end she will always be apart of your family. It's scary and I know you think you hate her but at the same time love her, things are just wierd. Over time you guys will be best of friends but for now be open to share things with her.

 

you know, seperations don't just occur in adoptions. i have two older brothers that i've lived with for years, and i don't even know their birthdays, nor they mine. we're not close at all. one brother has some guilt trip over beating the hell out of me and treating me bad, the other is just the most self-involved person you've ever met. how do you rectify that situation? the same way. effort, patience and a lotta tolerance.

 

Well said, true.