Im confused....I have been with my husband for 19 years the sex part hasnt been wild but I loved him and what we had kept us close but we havent had sex in years now but saying that there is nothing in between either. I asked him how he feels about us and he is happy but we never get close at all. He says he isnt depressed but he is always pre occupied with his things. i tried to spice things being naked, playing with myself in front of him, dressing up kinky and playing with him, suggested positions, talking dirty but nothing. suggested going for a meal but not even that. As he seems to have lost all his sex drive mine is just going up I have thought about someone else but i wouldnt think he had time as he is sat doing his own thing in home in all his time. Should I be worried?
years?! I think i'm even more confused... Maybe he's gay? Only thing i can think of, if he's not sleeping around, but you said thats unlikely
I was thinking that as well, but i didn't want to ask if you were obese or not. Lol Either that or he's gay... i'm sticking with my gay answer.
I would say there is definitely something wrong if you haven't had sex in years...he's not being totally honest with you about something(gay,affair, not being attracted)..good luck.
Even if he is having an affair... why would he still not sleep with you? Even if he isn't attracted to you... that still wouldn't explain why he hasn't had sex with you in years, no matter how unatractive you may or may not be, he'd most likely sleep with you regardless... look at all those cracked out hookers for example, people PAY to sleep with them. So, being gay seems like the only logical thing. But after years you'd think he'd come out already... have you ever tried to ask him why he hasn't slept with you in years?
It very well could be a testosterone deficiency. Men lose testosterone production as they get older, some more than others. But there are several things that can make it worse. Even one good hit in the nuts can drastically lower production. He should see a doctor, as it could lead to many health problems.
I can relate to this. I am 35 and my husband is 57 and there are times we go months without having sex. I tried to put on something sexy and I even play with myself but it doesn't make a difference. He said that he does not have the urge. He has never given me any reason to believe that he is unfaithful.
You're sexually frustrated and your man doesn't give a damn. Yes, you should be worried. In fact you shouldn't have been waiting for divine intervention for years. If you want to have sex, you'll need a willing partner. It's either your husband or someone else. You already know who's not interested.
Cheating's not okay though. Discuss it with your husband, tell him whats going on. And if he is still unwilling, then ASK him if you could try sleeping with another person. But in my opinion that would seem really weird for him to say yes... So if he says no, and is STILL unwilling to please you in such ways... then maybe consider moving on and seeing other people, but thats not cheating.
I didn't say anything about cheating, since I don't agree with it at all. I was stating facts. The ones that the husband needs to hear. And that are a reality-check for OP.
Talk to him,don't talk to him. It doesn't matter because a man that acts(or doesn't act) this way is not going to be able to or want to change because of some words someone says to him. He doesn't want sex with you. There's the bottom line. Want sex? Figure out how to get it. Don't want sex. Remain exactly how you are and where you are. This is not a dress rehearsal--it's on NOW. And there's an end coming. You never know when and the fact is, dead lasts quite a while from what I've heard.
Didn't you? "It's either your husband or someone else. You already know who's not interested." Kind of sounds like cheating, but okay. Plus, even if you weren't implying she should cheat, saying that to your husband... "Either you have sex with me or i'll get it somewhere else" is kind of like a threat, somewhat forcing the man to have sex with her, kind of uncalled for. They can just talk, and settle this. Tell him she wants it, and if he is just a complete ass and is unwilling to do this, then they can talk about seperating, if this is really that important to her...
"I don't want to have sex with you and you won't have any sex either" sounds very altruistic, right? As far as I know there are 2 types of reasons for couples not having sex: a) medical ones: hormonal imbalance (libido problems), erectile dysfunction, depression, age etc. b) relationship problems: lack of interest and connection with the other partner,... You can solve almost any problem under these conditions: - both partners must realize and understand that there is a problem - both partners must be interested and prepared to do something about it One partner is simply not enough for a relationship to work. From OP's post: - she has been trying very hard to do something about this for the last few years but was unsuccessful ("he is preoccupied") - the husband is either uninterested in changing anything or doesn't realize that there's a problem So how else do you move from this pat position, that has been going on for years, and either shock your husband into realizing that there's a problem and into doing something about it or make him admit how he feels about the relationship, than with ultimatum? About your last post: -do you know the difference between a threat and an ultimatum? -is wanting to have sex with one's life partner uncalled for? -is realizing that you might never have sex with your husband again and might be forced into finding someone else cheating? There's a big difference between realizing what is going on and choosing the wrong way to deal with it(cheating).
This is true, but this is exactly what I've been saying, you just said it in further details. Talk it out, and don't cheat. And yes, but in my opinion an ultimatum sounds very similar to a threat. Which may not be a bad thing, i'm not saying she shouldn't talk to him and tell him she wants to separate or sleep with somebody else if he's not willing to, i'm just saying she shouldn't be like "If you don't have sex with me right now i'm going to go get it somewhere else" That is all.
Then we agree . Any serious relationship discussion should be tactful, diplomatic and with a clear message. You can't have that unless you think about the matter and decide what you want. I got the impression that OP was still in the middle of the thinking process and didn't need advice on how to actually conduct a conversation, just about the matter at hand - that's why my post was short and to the point. In retrospect, I should add "no cheating" in it - thanks for pointing that out. However, just because a conversation is (should always be) the first step in resolving any relationship problem, it doesn't always end well. In this instance I doubt it will change much and OP should be prepared for that as well.
