I was "invited" to a wedding. Strong feelings against marriage and family.

The bride is a childhood acquaintance, and daughter of a close friend of the family. I received the invitation like I expected I would --- not attending doesn`t even seem to cross anyone`s mind, and my presence is a fait acompli. I wasn`t asked to go, I was informed that I was going.

Not to mention the fact that the bride has been calling me non-stop for two days (I had an inkling the wedding was what the calls were about) without leaving a message. Of course, we haven`t spoken in about 6 months, but now my presence is somehow essential.

My first consideration is not attending --- I am really uncomfortable in family settings of any kind, and I feel imposed upon, very isolated, misunderstood, and lonely during ceremonies. I have only attended my aunt`s wedding, and my grandparent`s wedding anniversary in my whole life. Worst of all, I will have to smile and be happy when I will be in absolutely no mood to.

But I fear not attending might sever my relationship to my family once and for all. I have no allies in this; I feel no one in my family would be understanding were I to decide not to go.

My sister and aunt are going to attend, as expected, and I am already in no speaking terms with either (and loving it ). So, there`s more awkwardness for you, if the wedding itself wasn`t enough. I also would probably have to pick out a suit (the ones I have date back to the weddings I mention above) if I don`t want to stick out like a sore thumb, relearn how to tie a tie. And, really, I have other things on my mind and other plans for my money.

Have you ever refused to attend a wedding? Why? How close were you to the bride and groom? What were the consequences? Were any relationships severed as a result? Have you lived family-free?

Thank you.

 

is your sister and aunt still pissed about that time y'all went out to dinner...i think it was over their shitty choice of dining,no?......i hate the idea of weddings..every one of my family knows my history and i am black sheep to all...........but...there is always 1 bridesmaid [or her mom]that will be hammered and wearing a thong under her dress....they usually pass out after the banging giving you plenty time to escape.. ...have fun

 

I think you should attend. I, from time to time, blow off family gatherings; so I understand that aspect; the crisis between desire and duty.

But if you really believe that your absence will have consequence, you might as well just suck it up.

You have no reason to let it get to you so bad. I've never been able to connect with any group - but in settings like that, you have two very viable options. Live vicariously through others, get lost in your own little world inside your head.

There's a good chance there will be a bar, a good chance you can find other bored men at that bar, and a decent chance that there will be some females you don't know in attendance.

 

Yeah, what saved me in my aunt`s wedding was my great-uncle, who`s a homosexual, and was there out of obligation like me.

I felt we`ve even developed a bond as a result. Drunk women in thongs don`t impress me, but my hope is that I will find someone at the wedding that I can relate to.

It`s hard enough to find someone like that in a shopping mall, at a wedding I feel it would be that much more difficult.

I feel like a black man in a white man costume, sitting through a Klan meeting with a grin on his face.

 

Go and look fabulous

 

See "The Wedding Crashers" before you go.

Stay Brown,
Re J

 

Weddings are generally awful. We just tell people that we don't do weddings anymore.
We kept our own wedding pretty low key (8 people) just 'cause we don't like 'em.
Masturbation seems less masturbatory than weddings. Seriously. What a fucking circle jerk.

 

I'd still go, even if it does mean gritted teeth as it were.

 

there may be a compromise solution

make up some bs excuse for not going to the wedding

go to the reception. maybe go early with some other bs excuse to get out of it. for example, you could arrange for someone to call you during the reception. if you're having fun, turn off your phone. if not, pick it up, and then say good bye to everyone before you go.

you could also just go late.

 

i've gone to every wedding i've been invited to, but then i've never been invited to a wedding i didn't want to attend for some reason (usually for the purpose of seeing people i haven't seen in a long time that i haven't been specifically avoiding, also open bar). i've never had a great time at a wedding, but i've also never had a bad time at one.

i have no idea how to tie a tie. my mom tied one for me way back when i was in high school, and i've just been slipping it on and off over my head since then.

 

Somebody Please Tell Me I Didn't Read This...:rofl:



Cheers Glen.

 

I skyped with my mom yesterday, and asked her what the level of family backlash would be if I didn`t go to this wedding. At first, she insisted that I go, but later on, I think she softened a bit. I told her this was the 21st century! And, that I would've gone had it been the 19th! :biggrin:

So, it looks like I might still have a family if I don`t go after all. That, coupled with the fact that this is a tough week at work, and going out to pick up a suit and tie, in order to make people who don`t even like me happy with my unhappiness is way low on my list of priorities.

I`ll make my final decision by Thursdayish. I think the little bride got the hint too, `cause she stopped calling me.

 

it's their day and not yours

go and celebrate their happiness.

 

If it`s not a big deal for me to go, then it isn`t a big deal for me not to go. You can`t have it both ways.

 

You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

Stay Brown,
Rev J

 

You should go, weddings have always resulted in me being fed, so I'm never against a wedding.

It's much better than the alternative reason for people to get together which will come up before you know it. (Hint hint: Funerals)

 

i like weddings...get drunk with people you have no idea who they are, but you somehow share relations.

Witness crazy shit.

I can see why you wouldn't want to go, though - if you don't want to, you don't have to.

 

you could argue the same thing about the dentist mind

 

You can, if you don`t get married.

 

It's bizarre isn't it, that pressure, do this, do that or you won't be my friend anymore, or you won't be part of this section of the family anymore.

My extended family is fucked, the last one involving them, my cousins was pretty much ruined by all the stupid infighting.

And not to overtake this thread with all the gay militant crap again, but the last wedding of one of my friends I went to in 2010. The bride I'd known for a decade, an ex coworker, sent me an invite, with just my name on it, rang her to ask if I were to bring a plus one, she said no that she's set up a table for just "the gang". Get to the wedding, and low and behold and it's me, 5 of "the gang" who had all brought their s/o's.And this was a chic who at 20 was all rah rah equal rights for gays,vegetarians and whales. There is a Bridezilla lurking in all of them