She died. That's the short story. Right now, I have too much pain and alcohol in my system to tell the whole story, but here it is in part. I have to get it out, or I might just give up: I met a girl, and it was classic love at first sight. We were young, of course. I was 15, she was 16. We both fell for each other, and spent the first night we met together, and lost our virginity. Sounds like a fairy tale, right? Wrong. We dated for a little over 17 months, and were planning to marry. It was a classic love, with all the mushy stuff, and all the 'lovemaking.' But then, one day, she called me. She said she needed to pick up a pregnancy test. I, of course, knew that if it came up positive, it was mine. She headed towards Wal-Mart, after we said goodbye. She was on the road, about three-quarters of the way there, and she was hit by some bastard who ran a red light. She's gone, now. I've dealt with the pain for a little over a year and a half, but I don't know how much longer my heart can take it. I'm dropping out of college, the first major change since she died, and I can't get her off my mind. I've tried everything from meditation to drugs and alcohol. Tonight is the third time I've cried in that year and a half, and each time was because of the pain I carried. I don't know what to do anymore. I told her, when we were dating, "I hope I die before you do, so you don't have to live with the pain of my death," and now, I wonder if I cursed my life because of that... I meant it, though. Every word. Anyone out there have a similar experience? Or even a few kind words? I need them right now, I'm dieing a little more inside every day... Anyway, I needed to get that out. I needed to write, again. Thank you for reading, even if you don't respond. Thank's for sharing, in part, the pain I feel... I'm sorry...
I'm sorry for your loss bro. God life is a steaming pile of sht when it all boils down. I can only say that you have to keep on keeping on. She would've wanted it that way, cliche or not. For what it's worth I have been truelly in love 3 times at least.
Sorry for your loss, but instead of being sad about it (and I know that's hard to do), try to remember the good times you had together and be thankful that for the brief moment you were together. She has completed her circle and has become renewed. Be happy for her, I say. We like to think that good things will last forever, but they never do. Life goes on. Rest assured that her spirit is watching over you and that she still loves you as much as she did when she was material. She's still there, just in another form. Ask yourself this: Would she want you to act this way? Or would she want you to go out and enjoy your life and be happy? Misery is a neverending circle. Sorry for your loss and I hope you pull through stronger than you were before and much Love goes out to you and family.
i'm crying right now .... oh my god, i feel you pain, sorry for your loss i don't know what advice should i give you just try to be strong, keep on mind that life goes on, and i just want to let you know that i'll be thinking of you toonight, and if you need anything i'm here for you anythime
I love you, man. I know I don't know you. But... I've lost sixteen people and my heart in the past two or three years...so, I know how it goes. I dropped out of school and went through the same... not only because of that stress, but alot of other stuff had to do with it. It was just a negative enviroment... I'd breakdown and have to hold tears and excrutiating pain in, in class, so I always sat at the back of the room so not to cause a disruption or bother anybody. I could not focus. I could not... do anything. I had clinical depression before most of it occured and I'm afraid it may become manic or something. If I listened to anything on the country station, I brokedown... if I saw commercials or something in a movie... or... just.. Anything can trigger me... For awhile I started wondering if I died or something and started thinking someone/satan was out to get me, thought my teachers were possessed, and had my share of epiphanies, I overcame addiction to sleeping pills and I won't even take a tylenol anymore. I took up alcohol, kicked it, but now I just have a few beers every now and then, before bed (as I am right now)... had periods of hermitude... and to top it off, it doesn't help having nobody to talk to in periods of having suicidal thoughts, but I'm too religious/spritual of a person to ever do something like that, so I don't know why I have the thoughts. I was in a car accident on November 30th and it put me in the hospital for a couple days, split my head open, had a cerebral contusion, and nerve damage to my left leg. Sometimes, I'm a total wreck, man. But... you know, sometimes you just have to not let things bother you.
Thank you to all who read and responded, and to all those who just read. I needed to get that out. I've always been able to deal with it, to a lesser or greater extent, but lately I've been stuck on the same thoughts. Anyway, I just got a kitten! His name is Valentine (he has a heart-shaped white spot on his face, and he's mostly black). He'll probably help, I'll at least have someone there, something to talk too when I'm down, and my friends are asleep...
(five of those were in a single-car accident, one was my neighbor/best friend, in a car accident, as well, and about three-quarters of the rest were suicides).
Such a sad story... I can feel you pain in the lines you've wrote... ya know... life is different everytime...one moment it fucking hurts ya, the next momemt it's bright and sunny I'm sure smth wonderful will soon happen to ya and take away your pain... at least part of it just dont be desperate please live and spread love
I am sure that she would not want to see you dropping out of school, fucked up all the time and messing up your life. The emptyness will follow you for awhile but it eases up. Don't throw away another life just for the hell of it. Instead of throwing yourself into drugs and alcohol find contructive things to occupy your time. Stay busy. I know it can seem like it won't happen but life will go on. Be in a good place when you come out of this. Good luck and my condolences.
i'm sorry to hear about you loss. i agree with haid, you need to find constructive things to do to keep your mind active. dropping out of school, doing drugs & drinking are not going to help with your grief just delay it. its ok to mourn your loss, is there a berevement councilar you could see, talking to people outside of your family & friends help many people deal with the grief of loosing a love one.
I almost cried reading that. Your all the more strong and wonderful for keeping her memory alive. Think of her as guiding you, not holding you back. Thats the sweetest/sadest story I've read in a long time. I wish you all the luck and happiness!!
p.s. I hope me and my sweetie die at the same time or close too\. This movie... the letter? made me cry when this couples wish was fullfilled. I wish I could send you more support. I love you even though I don't know you. Your awesome.
I'm sorry for yoour loss too. Kittens help. They know when you are sad, and can comfort you. I know that it sounds kind of hokey, but your sweetheart will always be there to watch over you, and she will always be there.
I know she's guiding me. Whenever I do almost anything, I still think something along the lines of, "Would this make her mad? Sad?" And yeah, Val's doing geat. She (I found out yesterday it's a girl) pretty much lives in my jacket, crawling to a comfortable spot and sitting there no matter where I go... Unless we're at home, when she just tears up all my stuff... lol. She loves my bed, and plays on it for hours at a time. Oh well... Anyway, thanks to all of you who've given your support, I appreciate it. It's a sad story, but it's life. Things happen. I've pretty much dealt with it, it just pops up sometimes... When I first wrote this post, I was pretty wasted... I have a high tolerance for alcohol, but sometimes I lose track of how much I have in me. That night... I out drank a frat guy who weighed at least seventy pounds more than me... He threw up, passed out, and I went on with the party, and kept drinking. And I let down the barriers that keep me from thinking about this ALL the time. Which is bad... But I'm much better. I'm getting a place to stay, hanging out with friends, and getting a job soon. No real problems... And I'm going to Baton Rouge next month to see MAYNARD! (God) That should be fun...
Yeah... I've learned enough myself that even things like this aren't worth drinking yourself into a state of apathy. But, then again, I'm sure you get those moments where you just can't even help it. She wouldn't want you to be like that. Sometimes you just have to look towards brighter days, man.
