I want to move to New Zealand but...

I have questions I need answered first.

I need to know what you guys call stipped potatoes fried in oil. Chips or french fries?

Do you eat them with vineager or ketchup or some other funky condiment?

Do you guys have condiments?

How about Vegemite?

I hate that stuff, I hope you don't have any of that there.

Is your game of "football" played with a round black and white ball or a brown oblong ball?

We have Columbus Day here in the States cuz he's the s.o.b. who claims to have discoved it. Who's your guy? Do you have a day for him?

These are life and death questions. I need answers asap, the boat is leaving soon....


thank you for your cooperation.

 

Its been 5 minutes and nobody has responded yet. I'm starting to think y'all might be a bunch of slackers.

 

*standing with arms crossed, foot tapping wildly and staring angrily at computer screen*

Im giving you 5 more minutes then heading over to Canada forum.

 

you're taking the piss right?

 

I don't know.

What exactly does that mean?

 

Mmmmm condiments.

 

ok...

We have Freedom Fries. We actually we're ahead of the States in naming our favourite deep fried potato dish after freedom. you see it's a practise that dates back to the first days of the colonies. Back then people came to New Zealand of their own free will, while Australia was being peopled by convicts. The Tourism Board thought it would be great for our nation's image if we highlighted this difference and so they renamed the chip the Freedom Fry.

No. Freedom is a pure state that needs to remain unsullied by this thing called 'funk'.

No, no condiments. We are a condiment free nation. Actually, under an Act of Parliament in 1936, anyone caught with condiments gets an instant $400 fine and can be charged with possesion and possible jail time. Anyone caught bringing condiments into the country gets the chair.

luckily for you, we don't. Vegemite is a A-Class condiment. Getting busted with so much as an ounce for 'personal use' will result in life in jail and dealing the stuff will lead to death by firing squad.

football? i do not know this football you speak of. We only have one game in NZ, rugby. Everyone is required to learn rugby at school, it's part of the curriculum along with maths, science and sheep raising.

WE have this dude Maui. He didn't discover new zealand so much as fish it out of the water. But no, no day for him. We are all too busy practising going to the public executions of vegemite dealers to bother with such nonsense.

I hope that cleared some stuff up for you.

 

Yup. Thats about the truth of it. And Sophie would know. She got an A+ for Condiment Catching at school...

 

will you marry me?

 

Well, I'm glad I live in a country where I can eat my condiments. Sure, the government lies to its citizens as to the reasons for military action. Sure, our armed forces likes to butt into other countries' business. We might try to keep our citizens within the borders and keep foreigners out. And yes, we might like to continue to ban anything that might be pro-gay. But at least I get to use my ketchup on my fries! That's freedom, baby!

 

Well, I thank you for answering my questions moonbeam, but you lost me at Freedom fries. too silly of a name for a ketchupless potato.



Good thing about the vegemite though. you guys are better off without it.



I heard many boatloads of convicts were dropped off on the wrong island. they say convictism is in your genes. this troubles me. I think the lack of condiments plays a big part in retarding convict-like tendencies though.

 

sure thing...we'll have to elope though, to make sure my boyfriend doesn't cotton on....but that shouldn't be too hard, he's currently serving six months for getting caught in public with a peanut butter and honey sandwich.

 

didn't that guy get arrested for stealing ketchup packets? Maybe Condiment Nazi isnt so far off!

no catsup for you!

 

haha, true.








and it's tomato sauce

 

i say tomato, you say tomato sauce


ahhh thats bad!

 

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME.



but still marginally funny...

 

*bows* i'll be here all night....

 

hahaha, that cracked me up

 

Ok, so was that a typical conversation in New Zealand?


Because that was scary.

 

mmm, yeah, it's probably a good idea to understand the concept of taking the piss/ piss-takes if you are planning to shoot on over..