I tried to help a band and this happens..

So last night I was playing an Open Jam at a bar were I know the owners. It's really fun because we know everyone, it's a laid back atmosphere. People actually come to see my band because we're always up there rippin' shit. Every week there's more people coming, it's getting pretty big now.

Anyway this band from my old school came to play, they're younger than us and just starting out. They brought their parents and family members and shit, it was kind of funny because this is a metal bar yet they brought their parents and little siblings.

So I go outside for a smoke and one of the kids moms start talking to me. She goes "So where's this place on Saturday" And I said "what place on Saturday?" And then she goes "They said it was The Pour House". I said "umm, they aren't playing there with us"... Then the kids mom says "well the boys are excited to play with you there".

I thought to myself "don't blow up Ian, don't blow up". I didn't wanna come off as a dick. So I calmly said "I don't think that's a good idea, they can't just follow us around the city". Then the kids mom turns into a total bitch and says "Who are you to tell my kid what they can do?" And I said "I'm the guy who's going to be getting them shows, tonight is a test".

And she says "A test? A test for what. I said "Listen, I have to go up there and play in front of a bunch of people, I don't need to argue about this right now".

She kept going on and on and on so I eventually said "Look, this isn't some joke to me, I don't get mommy to come bring my gear in her mini-van, how am I supposed to be taking you seriously right now?"

She got REALLY pissed after I said that, she actually said "You're just jealous that my kid is playing here with you" or something like that. Then I said "Exactly, you're kid, you think this some cute little gig where kids come and play".

The kids came out and said "we thought you wanted us to open for you around the city" I said "what the hell are you talking about, it's an Open Jam, there's no fucking headliner or opening acts, and what the fuck do you think you're doing inviting yourself to our gigs around the city?" Then I told them how they could never open for us because they aren't good enough (they really aren't, I didn't even have to lie) and they music wouldn't be a good match.

The kids dad says "Don't give my kid attitude buddy" the singer in my band looks at the kids dad and says "Talk to him like that again, I dare you". The kids dad didn't say a word.

It was a silence and then I just said "I'm sorry guys, you just can't follow us like that" and the drummer in their band says "well what if we play there anyway?" and I said "well, then I won't promote you, I work with tons of other bands that actually make me money, I don't need you guys... You'll be playing open jams the rest of your life if you don't work with me".

The drummer says "we'll be able to find our own shows in no time".. I said "name one venue in Hamilton". He couldn't....

Then his mom started saying something to me so I rolled my eyes and walked back inside while she was in mid-sentence.

I go up to the owner and said "get these guys up there now, the place is gonna be a fuckin' riot in 10 minutes".. So he tells them they can go on.

They were like "when is soundcheck" No one responded to them..... I can't believe they thought there was a soundcheck for Open Jam.. They thought it was an actual gig...

So they get up there and played... I stood at the front of the crowd and stared directly at the drummer for the whole show.
After they were done they hardly got an applause and then awkwardly walked off the stage.

I went and set all the drum mics up and the drummer was like "Why didn't you let me use those" and I said "Do you have any idea how much these are worth?" I can't believe he thought he could use my gear... Fucking kids...

So they were all set up and we did a little soundcheck for the drums.. Haha, we actually did do a mini soundcheck I guess. The kids watched and the drummer looked like he was gonna cry when he saw me play.

Usually when I'm a lot better than a drummer I tone it down so I don't make them feel bad, but this time I did the opposite. I just sat there blastbeating my heart away doing some crazy fills (it's too bad the songs don't use that many blastbeats).

So we played an ripped it. Nice little pit for a while too.

When I came off stage the other bands parents were all giving me angry looks so I held my sticks in an upsidedown cross and went "LACED WITH BLOOD" in a high pitched black metal scream. They probably thought I was fucked.

I can't believe these kids brought their parents... When my dad comes to see us play it's because he wants to hear the music, he's a fucking metalhead. He doesn't drive me to the show and help me set my gear up lol.

Before all this happened I was trying to help them. I told them to come jam and see how it goes. If they were decent I could tell them to keep practicing and I'd eventually get them some shows... I really would have done that for them to, but now that their mommies and daddies got involved I can't even take them seriously as a band... Never before has a band that I've worked with ever brought their parents....

I was really hoping one of the parents would tell the bar owner that I was "being rude"... He would have pissed himself.

I tried to help these kids and then they invite themselves to open for me at one of my shows... I should have let them show up just so they would be embarrassed when they found out I already have an opening band.

 

Hahahah that was entertaining. I remember playing shows back in high school, our parents didn't help us do shit. They came once or twice at the beginning I guess, but never at the same time, and they usually only arrived right before our set and then they would immediately leave. They didn't really like the whole scene, they just liked that we played music and were out doing something. Some bands and their parents were really lame about all that haha.

 

Mad respect for you...


And your singer

"The kids dad says "Don't give my kid attitude buddy" the singer in my band looks at the kids dad and says "Talk to him like that again, I dare you". The kids dad didn't say a word."

 

Since it is an open jam an increase in patronage can not necessarily be assigned to you being all that.
Put it this way, open jam continues whether your band is there or not.

So they are unfamiliar with your idea of open jam etiquette.

Seems innocent enough.

Are we to assume you invited this band to come to open jam at this location?
By your description of them we might glean that you had presented yourself more of a "headliner" than the "beginners". I have to say it is usually the listener who decides who is good enough or not. Not the bands.

She has a point. Your hostile and unsympathetic responses to the situation are out of proportion, suggesting a twisted emotional charge. Jealousy is a reasonable guess as to the cause.

Why do you find this threatening?

 

There's one thing that I will give everyone a fair chance at... And that is music. I don't care what genre you play. If you can make money I will promote you and get you shows. Seriously, you could play Rock and I'd have a couple venues for you, you could play Metal and I'd have TONS of places, hell I could find you a country bar, a reggae bar, you name it and I can find it in Hamilton. It's all about the money, no one cares about the actual band.

The business is between me and the bands, the parents have NO say.... It's a job, not some play date... Fuck, this is how I make money, it's not a game.

 

No, he shouldn't have said that. He's an idiot.

Our singer has said a couple of dumb things. Like one time he kicked out our other guitarist over facebook...

Me and my buddy who are the "leaders" had to literally scream our heads off at him the next time we saw him so he'd never do something that stupid again.

 

Let me be more clear. I use this Open Jam as a kind of "audition".. I do promoting for local bands. If the bands are good enough I can book them at other venues around the city. And if they are REALLY good they can open up for my band when I play shows.

These kids totally proved they know nothing about playing live... Maybe in a few years they'll be ready.

And the increase of people is because of my band... The bar is in my cities "View Magazine" and is now known for featuring local Metal Bands.. Mine being the main act... We get paid to play there monthly, it's called being a house band...

Oh wait, you probably think I'm in a young band. I'm the only one who is under 20...

 

I would expect you to feel justified in your position, However in my estimation it is unreasonable to expect obvious novices to be anything but new to it. Again I think your agitation is out of proportion. You may have some experience in the field of playing for clubs but you have room to improve in the field of professional relations.

There is a statistic in your description that you you have not accounted for and that is the bar is in the view magazine and the bar will have it's reputation whether you are there or not. Having said that I do not in any way mean to belittle any good quality your band may possess. Whereas I am sure you have your following, you cannot genuinely compete with liquor sales
for entertainment value. Just to add some proportion.

Actually no, you demonstrate yourself to be young, I am not familiar with the band. Regardless it really doesn't matter, I haven't really had the opportunity to talk to you before and I was interested in how you might handle what I said. I appreciate that you have been polite.

 

now now thedope, now now

 

So because you have a bandmate who's old enough to drive and happens to own adequate transportation and they don't, that somehow takes away from their credibility as a band? Two years ago you would have been in the same place.

You're 18, you are a kid. Your problem is that you take yourself way too fucking seriously. Humility usually comes with age. In your case it can't seem to come soon enough.

I would have slapped you in the mouth if you spoke to me like that.


Edit: Reality check; as thedope said, it's the audience that determines what they like and don't like. And given that this was an open mic, it's to be assumed that they could play there regardless of whether you wanted them to or not. Quit acting like you did them a favour and get off your goddamn high horse.

 

good job dude, you have raised my respect for you a bit, and im being serious btw. i think you handled that pretty well, ppl that arent in bands or play live dont know how supremely old it gets to have little kiddies who like to play musician like its an after school special around when you are trying to male a living out of your music. i probably would have reacted similarly to the parents of wannabe's.

ofc in my area metal bands are generally the most rude and annoying of bands to play with, they take everything too serious, while i take it the right amount of "this is a business, but its also a fun business" and metal bands tend to have the highest level of "entitlement". thats why i like that fact that my bands are generally only in punk bars, i mean while you do get the occasional slam dancing emofag (whoever invented slam dancing needs to get kicked in the nuts) the attendees and the other bands are pretty awesome (besides the kiddies anyway).

 

I'm confused... is it about the music, or the money? You seem to think they equate.... So justin bieber is pretty talented then, ehh? he rolls in the dough.

I don't see what's wrong if someones parents help set up, any more than friends or anything. I could never handle it, but different people have different relationships. There's a difference between dad carrying gear and trying to bully people into supporting you. Sounds like their parents thought they'd pull a celebrity parent thing, and just bully their kids to the top.

You can't hold their ignorance against them, we've all got to learn some time. You can't hold their douchey parents against them (though you can still hate their parents) but you can hold poor music against them.

But it seems like you being so hostile, as you frequently are, makes you look like an angsty, insecure bully. You could have seriously shamed their parents into fucking off, and helped the band, if you chose your words slightly differently. Instead of, for example, being a bigger version of the kids douchey dad, you could have pointed out how silly his dad looked.

 

you're a drama queen

 

i think it was a matter of assumption, the woman assumed that he wittle boy would be playing for them the next week at some other place. probably because her wittle boy is a moron and told her that, having assumed such himself. upon trying to tell the woman that no, this is an open mic, they are not opening for my band next week at (venue) she threw a hissy fit. over protective parents need to be set straight sometimes, but most people dont see it as a problem.

i dont think you handled it 'well', but im not afraid of honesty. you act stupid, you'll be treated stupid. the family of the wittle band obviously know nothing about the music business, and the definition of an open mic. plus, its not a playdate for the kiddies, its not a gig at all, as its open mic, and its not playing for a school dance or something either. some people will not listen to reason.

on a side note, look at the sense of entitlement in the wittle band members (you should have let me use your equipment, i want it, give it to me) and the sense of entitlement exhibited by the family, even on behalf of the wittle band. respect should be EARNED, always. there is a baseline level of respect for people you dont know, but once you open your stupid sheeple mouth the respect gets lost quickly. "some parents deserve respect, most of them don't."~ George Carlin

 

I actually was at that show. I snapped this picture during the first set!

 

I just want to give a hand out to the house band... awesome..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwHpjUTbJEc&feature=grec_index"]YouTube - Def Leppard-Rocket(LIVE)

 

When it comes to me promoting bands it's all about the money, I don't care if you're a horse that can sing, if you sell tickets I want to promote you.

Anyone who gets their Dad to tune their guitar for them before they go on obviously shouldn't be playing shows.

I will hold their own ignorance against them, but not forever. In a couple years (if they are still together) maybe they will be a good live act, and I would have no problem giving them another chance.

I was not rude nor did I bully anybody, these kids LIED to their parents and told them I wanted them to open for my band every time I play a show. I could have thrown that in their faces and made them look like idiots in front of their parents but I didn't.

I was nice to these kids.

 

They are all 16 and 17, they could have their licenses.. Everyone in my band has their license and drives except me and the bass player. Although I'm gonna get mine soon as soon as I save up the money (which I make from promoting bands and making shows).

I charge about five hundred dollars for a 3 band set at a decent venue, not to mention I have to pay for tickets in advance and advertise the hell out of the shows... Yeah, that's not serious at all. Try doing that about 3 times a month. I'm obvioulsy not making the full 500 but it's pretty close. I've yet to lose money on a show, and I don't see it happening anytime soon. My way works because I'm a hardass, if you don't like it don't work with me.

I've seen your pics, you couldn't slap a fly without breaking a nail.

And they don't want them to come back, they didn't know how to plug their own guitars in and no one cheered... A positive reaction is basically mandatory if you want to come back... Unless you like hearing the crickets chirp after your performance.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HbFrM4Lm18"]YouTube - Slam Dancing

looks awesome!

CC, you sound like a pretentious douche. not really so much because of your actions, but the way you tell the story.

 

Seems to be more ego and not enough music.

An open jam is just that. Open. So if they show up at any venue featuring an open jam session chances are they will play. Actually not a bad way to hone your craft.

Maybe being a little younger they misunderstood your invitation to perform. Happens. I hope it was not because you made it appear that you could "open" doors for them as in your ego talking.

I think you could of handled it far more diplomatically.

"Never take a person's dignity: it is worth everything
to them, and nothing to you." Frank Barron


Now would it not be ironic if they become "stars" and black ball you.