i wear your scar and now you own me im on my knees at your command. i think youre really neat, you fucking love me. you carve your name into my arm. now we share blood. you sob you shake you cry. you hate yourself and your life. our nights are black and sad. we are so fucking sick. i think youre really neat, you fucking love me. and we're a filthy fucking mess.
Are you realy 19?? Are you sure you aren't me when I was 15 somehow defying time and space to continue to write silly teen angst poetry?? I swear I allready wrote that poem and 100 just like it six years ago.
I like... the repetition works for me, the lines are wonderfully morose; and it's simpleness captures the emotions well. I really like the word "neat" in here... so out of place yet appropriate... nice work
teen angst? im not saying something like, "oh my god im gonna kill myself and i hate the world and my whole fucking life" or "she left me and now i think im gonna die and sit here feeling sorry for myself." i said that i love someone who feels the same about me. and our relationship is violent and most likely gonna kill someone, but that's great cos we're just sick enough to like it that way.
Though this may not be angst, although it does echo it, this is definitely a bit juvinile sounding. Now don't get pissy, I'm not saying the subject of the poem is juvinile I am simply saying that the way you presented the topic was weak.
