I like this girl a lot. Let's call her Marina. She's so smart, creative, intellectual, and kinda have a man's side in her with her voice and the way she walks. I confessed to her hoping that she also feels the same way. But hell, i was wrong. She completely dislikes lesbian relationships. She had a previous experience of a girl liking her and they tried to start a relationship but had to end it soon coz they both know it's leading nowhere. So I tried to treat her like a friend but i still feel the same way. She also acted differently. She acted awkwardly towards me and she tells me that she's scared of me. I told another friend about it, let's call her Beth, to seek advice. When Marina found out from Beth that i told her about my feelings, she was in rage. She shouted at me saying "Why do you still have that feeling? I thought you said it's gone? You better erase it!" We had a cold war for 3days. After that, we talked in black and white. She told me she only treats me as a friend, and she has ZERO feelings for me that would lead to lesbian relationships. She is kinda strong in her faith saying that she only likes men and that being with men is the right thing in God's eyes. She respects my preference for women but she doesn't want to be involved. We continue to be friends. In fact, we click on many things. We can openly tell our views about life, our problems, anything under the sun. It's only my feelings i can't share with her. I'm afraid it will scare her away. And we'll end up fighting again coz i haven't erased my feelings. I still like her a lot. I find myself staring at her and desiring to hold her close. But having her as a friend is better than not having her at all. How do i handle this feeling for her? Should i tell her that i STILL love her? HELP!!!
damm this is a sad story =/ but i think u should keep it as friends and dont tell her cuz ur just gonna make things worst she alredy told u she only sees u as a friend but i mean u should really forget her find someone else someone that is interested in ur things too and likes u =] good luck
Alicedana, It is definitely hard coming out of the closet while still in primary school (not sure what grade you're in but I'm guessing you're not in college.) I'm a little confused on your Marina girl. She at one point tried out being lesbian with another friend of hers a while back, but found it was going nowhere? Well I hate to burst her (M's) bubble but many, many hetro relationships go nowhere too! Then she gives you the "God thinks it is wrong" speach, which just shows her ignorance. The bible never uttered one word about women being with women, the only thing it talks about was men being with other men. The reason for this, back when the bible was written (by men) it was assumed the women could not have sex with each other, because they did not have an implement to use for penetration, thus only male on male was considered an abomination. Back 2000 years ago, women did not have sex...men had sex with women, or on women or to women, however you want to put it. Basically your girl is feeling guilty because of her Christian upbringing, mostly for the fear of burning in hell. Even if she gives you the load of crap that she accepts your choices, she still thinks in the back of her mind that you are going to burn in hell, she might for her previous actions, and she might for association with you. This is how many of the Christian churches believe and push on their goers. You are better off setting your "in love" feeling aside for this girl, because she doesn't love you back...if anything she is hoping to save you, or at least you will come back from the dark side (her thoughts not mine.) You might feel now that you are in love with her, but you can't be in love with someone who doesn't love you back, you can be in lust with them, you can be in desire for them, you can be strongly and hormonally attracted to them with a side dish of friendly caring for them. But to be in love (the real kind) it is a two way street. When you are in love with someone who loves you back, it feels different and better than any kind of feeling you have now. Being a lesbian is hard. Women tend to be difficult to deal with, hence why so many men have problems, but you'll run into all sorts of lesbians as you travel through life. Some that have known from an early age that they were attracted to women but don't hate men cause they never had anything bad happen from a man. You'll find the man haters, who had bad things happen to them from men in their lives. You'll find the confused women who tend to actually swing from full on lesbian to bi to straight. Then you will find the person who is right for you. How do you stop the feelings you have for your friend? Every time you see her, tell yourself that she doesn't love you back, she likes you as a friend, but that her religious belief might possibly prevent her from ever really being a good friend to you. Just think about the idea that she believes you are going to burn in hell. If anything you'll find you will become slightly angry with her, but at least you won't feel lustful after her anymore. You can also say to yourself, "She doesn't want me, so I will stop wanting her. I deserve someone who will love me for me as much as I love them." Just say that to yourself every time you think about her and your love feelings will fade. Then look to see if their are any lesbian groups in your school...there has to be...and find out about joining up with them so that you can feel accepted as part of a group. Don't worry so much about making a "serious love relationship" at this point in your life, you have plenty of time for that after you get to college and beyond. Just be friends at this point and try to keep your hormones in check. A side note on hormones: there is nothing that says you can't keep your friend indexed in your spank bank either. Many people tend to have thoughts and fantasies about people who they could never be with, but they make great masturbation fodder. Just don't let those fantasies take over your reasoning portion of your brain!
