I have no friends. Think I may become a recluse.

When I was younger, I had quite a few friends. Got along swell with people.
During junior high and through high school, I became more withdrawn. I came to the realization that I was an introvert around that time.

Right now, other than friendly acquaintances at work, I have no friends. No one to hang out with. No one to converse with. That was one of the reasons I became a member of The Lonely Forum and eventually this forum.
I had no "real" people to be around so I tried virtual beings.

Problem is that I work against myself even on the interwebs. After I felt I was getting too close [or not close enough] to people on The Lonely Forum, I left permanently. I am tempted to do the same here.

In the end, I would be satisfied with only one friend... one person I can depend on. Preferable a mate.

I don't know. I am thinking I need to talk to a professional about this.

 

:seeya:... hi..

 

Yeah really, get you some counseling.

 

It happens, there is nothing wrong with feeling lonely, it's a perfectly valid way to feel. But it seems to me if you feel lonely, perhaps becoming a recluse is not a good idea. Lonliness I think would be best utilized as something to drive you to make more friends, becoming a recluse just sounds like you want to give up because youre fed up with being lonely, but i dont think it would work.

 

one to depend on is good...but interweb ones are great too

I love this place because the friends stay friends...in real life most of my friends become customers and then they start to either want me to work for them for free (which I normally dont mind doing as long as all paying work is caught up)...or they only call when they need me to fix something

 

...Are you me? :toetap05:​

 

@orison319: Hello!

@Shaw-Min: I might. I need to do a bit more research first.

@Xac: Loneliness does drive me to find something to fill the void but usually, after my search, I end up more disappointed than previous. I don't want to be recluse but I can see myself becoming that way.

@BBAD: Interweb friends would be cool. I feel like I try too hard or not hard enough on the internets, though. Gotta find the balance. Balance.

@MaccaByrd: Yes. Yes, I am me. I mean you... I mean we.

 

Use that feeling of loneliness and convert it into a positive energy. Use it to propel you to get out and be with people. The level of intimacy you have with people is up to you, but is also up to you to even make available people to be intimate with in the first place.

Find local groups and activities of things you enjoy to be with like minded people. Book clubs, film clubs, a local coffee shop that has poetry night, rock bars, running groups...etc whatever your scene is.

It just comes down to where you want to be in life. If you want to be a recluse, then thats a whole lifestyle and future your free to create. But if you want a true friend, you should first be a true friend, to everyone and anyone. The world gives to you what you give to the world.

Peace.

Peace.

 

Try joining an indoor soccer club or something like that. Best thing for loneliness and depression is physical activity, they say the worst thing is the internet; it just drains your time and energy.

 

LOL at your life

 

hmmm... Ok.

 

Laughing does help..I try to laugh at myself often.

 

its ok to feel lonely. people usually stop out of it and get back into the real life because their minds want to change. I dont have many close friends. like a hand full but thats really all i need you know

its hard meeting people..the right people. most are backstabbers and liars but you know if the person is good or not

 

That's not funny at all.

 

That guy's a dick.

Yeah man, I'm in the same boat as you as of a couple of months ago. But even then (back home that is), I didn't have any real 'friends' left. All I had was my girlfriend (who was a fucking psycho)... and a handful of friends I began to avoid due to anxiety . Then as my anxiety started to fade a bit, they were all too *busy* to chill with me (bullshit). Maybe they thought I was being a dick avoiding them. The never knew about the anxieties.

Wanna know the worst part? I live within a short walking distance of an old friend who I haven't seen in years, who has no idea I moved back here yet because I feel like too much of a pussy to make some sort of noise about being back. Like I'm not worth it or something. FML.

 

ha. He/She doesn't bother me. I just don't understand the reason. No worries.

I would probably do the same thing in your shoes. In fact, I did something similar. Visited my old neighborhood. Saw one of my old friends and just drove right by him as if I didn't know him. Just wanted to avoid the situation.

I know I work against myself. I just don't know a solution yet. I am also not sure if I truly want or need a solution right now either. Most of it is probably due to society continually telling me that "normal" people have friends. While I have little interest in being normal, it does seem like there is something missing.
eh... No worries. No stress.

 

@C.D
Thanks for the suggestion. Maybe I can find something in the local newspaper or something.

@jamaican_youth
Thanks for the suggestion. I will look into some kind of physical activity too.

@BBAD
Laughter is probably one of the best experiences a human being can have.

 

Don't worry, good friends are hard to come by. Most important is to be happy with yourself, this will inevitably attract other happy people into your life. Really - don't worry about making friends, just be your best self and be happy, and the good things will come in abundance.

 

I think you're right in not assuming a "problem". The problem is in thinking that something is wrong, or right, approaching it as a "right/wrong" problem that has a "right" solution.

It's all in learning to be content with your aloneness, whether you cry and are sad over it, or not. Sadness and mourning are too often frowned upon by people who think "happy" is the only acceptable mode. These tend to be superficial. Sadness performs a service to us. It deepens our human experience. It may be part of a painful process, but it enriches our being.

Then, when you care to, and choose to, coming from a standpoint of strength rather than weakness, find someone to share your loneliness with.

Sharing is good, but not if it becomes a kind of dependency. Then it tends to enslave the one with whom you share. They are imposed upon, with feelings of guilt and responsibility that are forced upon them by your neurotic "need".

Be alone, and like it, and like yourself, or hate yourself, but own the feelings. Then share, if you wish, with someone that is mature enough to appreciate you and act responsibly with what part of you becomes available to them.

Don't become emotionally dependent, addicted. It hurts others. Nothing wrong with "alone", contrary to what some may say. If you can't be alone, you can't be together, responsibly.

 

Everyone on the planet only really has between 1 to 4 real "friends" including the partner, the inner circle. Some may have a lot of others in the outer circle they call "friends" but they arent really friends.

Especially once you get into adulthood and real life, you dont really have all that much time to put into to getting a dozen "friends", work collegues will usually end up stabbing you in the back or just fake being friends to get something out of you.

Socially, sex and jealousy usually get in the way especially in regards to your partner.

So besides your partner, closest friends are usually that 1 or 2 that you have stuff in common, and feel relatively safe around your partner.

Anybody says they have more friends than that are full of it or are working on a loose definition of "friends"