So basically yea I'm a senior in high school and am stuck in a world where i can't find complacency. I am attracted to needy people and have finally realized that I want to actually be around people that value my friendship and can put out as much as they take in. But this being so means I'm kinda isolated. I have two friends that actually care about me I think but I dunno I just can't wait to go to college and start over. I have a boyfriend but he goes to a different school and I dunno we are really close yet I feel really far away. And yea everyone is supposed to have fun or whatever senior year, but to tell you the truth, the stress of applications to colleges and keeping up with my private school and honors classes is difficult. I am very prone to depression and have had depressive episodes several times but I'm just trying to do everything I can to prevent that from happening right now. I can just feel myself wanting to slip but I know I can't let myself do that. But yea I dunno really its strange. Everyone says that they think I'm perfect. I get good grades, I'm president of several clubs, the teachers love me, I'm the perfect daughter, etc, but really all I want to do is curl up and cry. This feeling isn't new to me but I dunno I guess if you had ideas to be happy or I dunno really but yea I guess I'm just putting it out there.
i know what you mean, on some of it at least. having a few real friends is better than having a bunch of fake ones. if you value someone else's time/friendship/relationship, then you deserve that in return. people who do well in school are all stressed. maybe it would help to know that you're doing the right thing, that is if you believe it yourself. i graduated 2nd in my high school class, got a four year degree, and now i'm working on a PhD. i also fucked up a lot (got arrested, got caught smoking and drinking/etc) so not to say i was viewed as a perfect son, but i was praised a lot, and there was a lot of pressure to do well, so i did. i just try to relax as much as possible, and "slide" through classes which is not a good strategy really but i guess it comes naturally to me cuz it's worked so far. now i'm rambling. you sound like you're doing well for yourself. but do what makes you happy. it that means this (all what you said) then keep it up. if it means taking it a little easier, then do that. someday you'll have a sweet job while your peers are still partying it their parents' basement. i dunno hope i helped
how heartbreaking! maybe you need to just curl up and cry and then after you will feel better and see clearer what you should do! do whatever you want to do.
