i can't orgasm.

whats wrong with me?

 

Short Answer: NOTHING

There are tons of women who can't orgasm, there is nothing wrong with you. It could be alot of things.

Can you not orgasm at all or just during sex?

 

just during sex.

 

Then it's far more likely to be your partners falut. MANY women don't get off from just vaginal sex. Like 75% need clitoral stimulation as well.

 

really? its just that he seems to be really good and all.. its just that i can't cum.

its the same with my past partners as well, not just him.

 

It's entirely common. No one I've been with has actually orgasmed from sex alone. Do you still enjoy it, though? That's what has already mattered to me. It's never bothered me when a partner can't orgasm during sex, so long as they still found the sex enjoyable and meaningful.
Something I've taken to a lot... do whatever it is my partner wants to orgasm first, then have sex. I'll go as long as they want with whatever else it is before sex. When it's been a partner who gets even more sensitive following an orgasm, it makes for great sex. Of course everyone is different, but I've found it a nice way to make sure both of us get off and enjoy the sex.

 

I'm taking a whole class on human sexuality right now and one major problem with basic education about sex is that women seem to think its their fault when they can't orgasm. The percentage of women who can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone is very low. The nerve endings in the vagina just aren't that sensitive. Yes, there is the "G" spot, but in normal sex, its hard to position yourself just right, and even then it may not work. Also, if you are on any type of medication (especially anti-depressants), this can make it much harder to orgasm. Clitoral orgasm is fairly easy for most people to achieve. You could get a small vibrator and try to use that during sex, that way you can enjoy it even more.

 

some women orgasm during oral sex instead. in fact a large percentage orgasm ONLY from oral sex. i know i do. so ive checked that out. because i rarely orgasm during just intercourse. i have to have something extra, and definately some oral.

 

Whether you say you can or you can't, you're right either way.

By the way, my girlfriend can/does orgasm from vaginal sex. Not every time, but when she does, it's amazing, I can feel her vaginal muscles squeezing the hell out of my cock.

 

Nothing indeed! Have him get down there and give a good lick and a suck before you let him cum! Oh, that is my favorite.

 

Rub yourself while he's thrusting inside you (or he could also rub you)-it's actually a lot of fun and in my opinion probably just as erotic as if you came without any help. I frequently have to rub myself to come during intercourse, and I'm completely happy with it. Just relax and enjoy yourself, and do whatever you need to do to get off!

 

More than likely nothing.

I don't understand why most women and or men think achieving orgasm is easy ?

Why do you think its easy ?

There are so many reasons why you don't, you may have been pack raped - now I'm sure your going to develop a psycho-sexual trauma and I think its safe to say that you would probably have trouble having an orgasm after an incident like that.

I think most guys and maybe girls don't really know how to achieve orgasm, and from what little I know myself, I would say its not something that is easy or common.

I have only ever been on the end of one fantastic orgasm with one partner and three mild orgasms with three other partners.

So don't despair if you haven't yet achieved it.

Despite what some say, I would think most women are capable physically of orgasm.

Now personally I think mostly its technique, most men are rough and clumsy, and it wouldn't surprise me if they learnt everything they know from porn movies.

Well I seriously doubt that a female can have an orgasm under those conditions, after all its just commerce.

So if your using pornography for reference I think your most likely going to fail.

I think what men need to do, is, do whatever they are doing to a women to themselves, and then ask themselves does what I'm doing to my partner feel pleasurable ?

Reverse the role and have your partner do what you're doing to yourself.

Nothing like a bit of feed back to speed up your learning curve.

If you like anal have her do that to you, and ask yourself honestly does it feel good ?

And be honest.

If you don't have too many bad experiences I would say its probably not too hard to improve your sex life if your prepared to educate yourselves.

Firstly I think you need to masturbate and get in touch with the pleasure you get from masturbating.

How do you feel about masturbating ?

I think there are probably so many reasons why you are not able to orgasm, you may be over tired, you might be worried about something, the list I'm sure would be a long one.

I think only through experimentation can you learn what feels good for you.

If you believe what Masters & Johnstons writes (if I remember correctly?)about primary sexual dysfunction ( the reason most women don't orgasm ) then its poor technique, followed by I think it was (body image) and how the media has these perfectly airbrushed fantasy women that you can't possibly compete with.

Its these kinds of factors that affect how you feel about yourself and the negative thoughts that you think of whilst having sex that can affect your abilitly to achieve orgasm.

Personally I like to have sex with the light off, or perhaps just moonlight or a candle.

If your a guy, stop having sex with your partner if she gets dry, thats an indication that something is wrong.

In fact don't enter your partner unless she's dripping wet.

I can understand how men think all you want to do is get your penis in their and start thrusting, but this is not the way you get a women to orgasm.

Women really do need a lot of foreplay, and I can't stress enough the importance of having a fun relationship with a women and making her feel relaxed and happy.

Dine her and just have fun, eat out and do things that you both enjoy, and above all else don't get into the mind set of just fucking her as another notch in your belt.

I think one has to love life and learn what is both fun for both or you.

Boring sex is selfish sex, where you just don't care about the other persons feelings or sexual needs.

If your deep, sensitive and intelligent and you are prepared to educate yourself and think more about your partners sexual needs and less about your own, you may just reach nirvana.

Foreplay to me is like nurturing a seed that grows into a tree and finally you pick a delicious juicy peach from that tree, that your grew.

The difference is that you loved and nurtured that tree and the final result is fruit that is both succulent and delicious, compared to everyday fruit that is dry, stringy and tasteless.

Giving and then finally recieving after a long time and realising what you have achieved.

A man has to do a lot of foreplay that means cuddleing, kissing, caressing over a long time, to achieve orgasm.

If your not prepared to do that then you can't expect the ultimate pleasure for her AND yourself.

Like anything in life - nothing comes easy.

 

uhh.. im a woman.

 

gentleben...that was a huge post.

Don't worry about it. The worrying stops it as well. I know I used to have a very hard time orgasming. there were emotional issues that would come to the surface whenever I tried. That too was the ticket, I was trying.

Through a lot of work and relaxation techniques on my end, that has finally changed. We've had to work together as a partnership to see what really turns me on and I have to remember to relax when I want to habitually freak out.

Its very common, as many others have said.

 

What do you mean emotional issues this is an area that I'm very interested to know about ?

Could you please tell me more.

 

Sex is 90% in the brain...well, let me rephrase that. Perhaps you're jumping to intercourse way to fast. Spend lots of time in foreplay, and let yourself get really turned on. If you can cum from masturbation, you obviously enjoy the feelings. I've found it very helpful to lick and finger my partner to the edge of an orgasm, then I finish her off during orgasm.

The other thing that will help is if your partner focuses on you and not on him/herself. If you are concerned with making each other have the best experience possible, you don't have to worry about it (an orgasm) happening, cause it will. That's the way we are made!

 

good advice...... i always try to think of things that turn me on a lot going on the thing about sex is 90% or something like that in the head......

 

Dutch is correct, personally I think a man has to have the right attitude, if a man can just think about the womens pleasure and not about himself, that to me is the key.

You could I guess coerce a women into bed and force her to have sex with you.

I think its better to use the carrot (no pun intended or implied) where you spend time on getting the women aroused to the point where you can enter her - she's not going to fight what feels good for her, I've seen books called "speed dating" where the emphasis is getting the woman into be be stealth and doing it in a covert kind of way.

Now this method to me is a lose - lose formula.

Why not genuinely take a women out and have real fun, wine her and dine her and yourself ( don't forget about having fun yourself ) and then make her happy and do lovely things for your partner to show them that your care and love them.

Learn how to kiss a women passionately and very gently, and spend time on learning what feels good for her.

Don't be selfish and race to the finish line.

After all its the journey not the destination that is the important.

If you caress her body for long enough you will experience orgasm/s together eventually.

If you don't at first succeed try, try, try again.

Let it happen don't drive it.

Enjoy your life it may be the only one you get.

 

LMAO
I thought it was pretty damn obvious!

You've gotten some good advice here. One more thing that you might try is changing the angle of your pelvis a little so that his pubic bone contacts your clit on deep thrusts.

Also teach your partner how to do the things that you do when you masturbate.



Have fun and play safely!

 

[Ben, if men can't orgasm easily, what the hell have I been shooting all over myself to the tune of "O merciful Jeebus!" for twenty years on the nights that I pleasured myself. It is our curse that we orgasm so easily. BTW somebody else wrote "90% in the brain." Actually it is 100%! Not that physical side effects aren't pleasant. But all human feelings take place in the brain.] My mind was thinking "oral, oral, oral," as I was reading. Whoever has told you he's good has been fibbing. He thinks he's good. The second biggest problem (after physical impediments) in women failing to have an orgasm is the male ego. He has got to stop thinking about his own satisfaction. He has got to do anything you ask and for as long as it keeps you progressing. He has got to leave his crank out of it - maybe all night. Let him jack off afterwards. His main concern is you!! Maybe try a new lover of the softer, emo kind. They're usually quite good at selflessness.