I can slowly feel myself falling into antisocial disorder, a journey to insanity

I just right the frist paragraph briefly to explain what antisocial disorder is, Its a personality disorder that in its simplest form which is a psychopath. It is a disregard to other people rights and then abuseing other, let say rapist or a serial killer, or even a molestor. Some are thiefs, and most are charismatic.
(i'm basing this data all on my AP psych class and some independent research)
Things that make me not antisoical disorder
-to have it you have to be over 18
-most have childhood record of hurting others and/or animals i've only hurt a few dogs and i guess most of my younger years i defend myself by making beating up people who picked on me but nothing really serious
- The charismatic things is half way, i very good of giving the impression of being harmless and sweet, the one who the family always like oh he such a nice boy or at school he makes the perfect freind, i have lots of freinds who i can't really be myself around so it is like i'm all alone, and never had one working relationship a lots of weird ones to say the least

Welll i could say it all started as a way to deal with anxiety, it was very hard for me to even face the day becasue i was always feeling worried, i worried about what i've done the houses i been in, the deep desire to hurt them while they sleep, what i did or am doing to eileen ( a girl 've been harassing now after an unsuccesful relationship and slight molestation/harrasment) and what i was doing with my younger cousin emily she was 8, i could not take it i felt sick was vomitting by just thinking, i felt like dieing and i couldn't kill myself i wanted someone to stop me, and all i knew was that jail would be worse then death i wanted freedom, but i got better i can't really describe it but one day i woke up lighter refresed i just stop carring. One of the ways i carried on with out guilt was a mind game where i pretend they want what i'm doing and their ever move is calling me closer that becasue she not screaming means i should go further just simple lies to keep me going its easy to just let myself slide into automatic and not give a dam but a part of me dosen't want to be this, i want to have a normal relationship find real freinds have someone care for me, but its so hard to reach out everyword feels heavy i can feel readers feelings its a burden to be moral.

I was talking to my pych teacher indirectly about antisocial disorder and its a personallity disorder axis II which just mean that their no real cure to them other then the person themselves working over it. which is depressing to hear. i asked her if this can ever be cured she said something similar to this it very hard for someone to get over this because to live with what they did is very difficult for a normal moral person to live with what these people have done, (we were talking about i forgot which one but a serial killer)
She sweet and really like me, i think ever day if i could get alone she could be mine but i'm probably just disillusioned and if i got her alone i would just end up trying to rape her

I can smell the beer they were drinking the time i broke in and was caught the smell is coming back i am now more lost then ever, i can't stop, i barely holding on to the want to stop

i can't edit too much i'm just feel empty thank you for reading you can read my other posts but i guess they kind of all lead to this point in my life what keeps me up when i'm thinking which in turn makes me down is i'm being published if i do well maybe i could better but i'll probably fail in the only things i want which is just having people reading my work and when that is gone i will really have nothing to lose

 

I'm really sorry buddy... I wish that we all could have a great happy disposition, but it doesn't work like that. We all have our unique problems, and it sounds quite serious in your case. All I really have to say is that you need to try and change your outlook on what you are doing in life. If you can see what you are doing, and realizing that what you are doing is wrong, then you should be able to control your impulses. Since this seems quite serious, I would also recommend seeing your psych teacher, since it seems that you two are on the level and get along well. If you confront your problems, they will be met with reason and you can see why you have been doing these things, and find a way to end them.

I too know what it feels like to be ostricized, ridiculed, and feel like I am in an abyss of despair and sadness. Imagine going through high school with a handful of good friends, and then the last two years them abandoning you so you dont have anybody to really hang out with. I suffer from a minor form of bipolar disorder (or depression, each have their own definitions) and I have now realized that a lot of my sadness was self-inflicted. I never had the social skills to go out and make new friends during high school, and it was directly my fault that I didnt have different friends (even though what they did was fucked up). I sat around all depressed and thought that everyone hated me, and that I was just simply no good. There were multiple times where I contemplated suicide and thought about the many ways to do it (which can be really scary, especially if you can't control it).

I still am battling depression but I have realized that there are better things to do with your life than sit around and mope about how much it sucks. If you are out there doing activities and hanging out with friends, it makes it really hard to be depressed. I have had a few relationships with girls (although quite limited) and sometimes I do feel like my depression is getting in the way with liking a girl and getting to know her a lot better. I guess I feel like I'm not good enough?

Anyways, I think you should try your best to look at life in a more optimistic way, and know that there ARE other people that care about you. This post particularly caught my eye because I sometimes consider myself antisocial, but I guess I kinda like it in some ways. I hope that you find the answers to all of your problems and I hope that you can relate to some of mine, as you are not alone in this world, no matter how hard things may seem to get...

 

I could look thorugh my note today but i'm done with school work but the frist things i quoted. I'll just say it when i'm doing it i feel no guilt; i never do around the time i do, if you asked while i was doing it i would be conviced it was perfectly fine, i would't feel guilty if you caught me red handed and i have, because i just don't its the after percussion the thinking stage its now , don't at this often because it does make me sad to look under the hood

i wrote it in emotion and its quite all over place

my pysch teacher only knows my shallow output, anything i do or anything i really feel at this point would pop the bubble

Its werid the best way to put it is i fit in but internally i am alone their freinds but i feel so what? i have lots of lost guy freinds i barely do anything for, becasue i'm always trying to presue girls, but sry i lost in freinds department.

i sry if i did't say it right but antisoical disorder is a pyschological term for basically a pyschopath i don't think many people are happy they are one if they ever reaize they are,

but i level out during school days i think i didn't really corner anyone just touches that know one will know about thx for reading i think i wrote preety rawly

 

hmmm... sorry to say, but I really can't understand what you are trying to say in your posts, but I feel you on the "fake friends" thing. The only real way for you to realize that they are your friends is if you feel like they have done stuff for you, and have shown that they care. I too dont have tons of girl friends, but its not like a tragedy or something. Just get out there and make new ones. I know its easier said than done, but give it a shot. Many people aren;t happy with themselves, but seek counseling if you feel the need for it, which I think you need desperately. Later buddy.

 

sininabin,if i'm not mistaking,your problem is caused by sexual unfulfillment.you didn't said anything about murdering people,just rape and molesting.

you don't want to suffer the consequences,the guilt and captivity, of some irrational act,do you?

on to the solving of your problems,in my view.

so,you got a great sexual urge.you need a wank.seriously.perhaps not one,but 2,3,10 a day,how many you need for sexual fulfillment.or a girlfriend.or 2-3-4,if you can handle it.get into bondage/sadomasochism stuff with your girl(s),to get rid of your violent urges.

you need peace of mind.philosophy,meditation,psychedelic drugs.
we are alone in this world,nobody can relate perfectly to nobody.
but it's nobody's fault.it's just the way things are.

consider the above.

for profilactic measures,burn these words in your brain,focus on them,make them a part of your being and do not question them,it's for the better:

BEING HUMAN MEANS BEING ABLE TO STOP,RECONSIDER AND CONTROL YOUR IMPULSES SO YOU DON'T HURT ANYBODY.FOR THE GOOD OF YOURSELF AND ANYTHING YOU VALUE.

 

that frist part is a bigfactor i guess right other then wanking off and becasue i can't get a girlfriend that why i've been molesting my cousin heck like an hour before this post, but that would be a good idea with out connection to other you kind of go insane or worse being around others and you can't connect with anyone. woops she here i have to go but your last words are interesting and true but its a hard thing to do

 

you are a sick disgusting person, sittin here typing about molesting someone,,,, if i had an inkling of a way to call the fukking cops on you i would do so,,, you are out n out saying you are molesting people n shit,,, ,, if this is a joke it is a sick one ,,, if it isnt,,, i sincerely hope there is a way someone can track your sorry sick ass down n put you out of everyones misery, ,,, wtf.....

 

you can't "slip" into having antisocial personality disorder. you either are, or you aren't. it doesn't come and go. nor would you be posting what you do if you had it.

The stuff said here and in other threads is so full of contradictions and things out of the ordinary that I'm about 99% sure everything said here is made up, but hell, better safe than sorry....
https://tips.fbi.gov/

 

The simple fact that you are typing here and saying you are a "psychopath", in the true meaning of word, proves that you ain't

 

yeah that the frist thing i found out when i looked for psyschopath if you're looking for it then your not one, also i'm not of age, but that the whole point i'm slipping into it I'm not a psychopath but i'm defintly changing to where i wouldn't know, when you just stop careing is i guess when you've fallen off the ledge do to say , but someone who knows antisoical disorder can they fall trap to it:

The whole point of what i'm saying is that to cope with what i've been doing i'm starting to fall down this path which may lead to antisoical disorder i don't know and if it does then when i get there i won't realize it

just look at the rape one i've gotten my share of hate but it good to post that becasue it gives me a ratio of who reads this and is so made that they have to say something; if you want you sohuld assume everything is ture or then your just wasting your time decideing if this is a lie or not,

but i do suggest you read my other posts though you have to get them in the correct order so they don't contradicte becasue you can see some cycles of my mind

if you really want to think it but not to be perverted she has gone to sleep now, dam dad guarding her, but i still smell her on my clothes though she was being a little bit of a tart tonight i could discribe but that wouldn't help anyone

 

i have an idea. maybe STOP molesting your cousin, that is way fucked up. beyond fucked up. think about what the FUCK you are doing, maybe? is that the problem? you can't see right from wrong? get some fucking help! shit man, if you don't think that fucking your younger cousin isn't messed up, you might as well blow up the fucking pentagon. (though i'm not reccommending it)

 

9Sinnabin, i think your making all of this up...sorry, thats just how i feel and it had to be said

 

First off it looks as if you need some attention so you are going to great lengths to make people think you are some kind of freak and you hate your life yet you love to be mean. It doesnt really make much sense.

 

i'm not sure how you got to that conclusion but that makes perfect since if you hate life wouldn't you relish in hurting others, i'm not saying that is true in my case, but if i was that would a preety logically formula becasue why would someone who hates their life want to be nice to others

 

The point I am trying to make is your clearly not a psycopath, what you are is what you are trying to portray in yourself. What I mean by this is you apparently dont like life and are a person who finds dangering and exploiting others as fun but you cant help yourself because you claim to be antisocial. So basically you are labeling yourself with a mental disorder when in truth you just want some attention and want people to fear you.

 

i do not consider you asa a psychopath. i think you feel alone yourself. try to invove with others. try to make friends. everything will be ok

 

who ever said i was psychopath maybe it is written wrong but the whole point is i'm not one i can't be one. i never labeled myself with any disorder i said i might have symptoms that might one day lead to anitsoical disorder or something else.

Why the heck would i care if you feared me and why would anyone fear someone who has mental disorder, it is a sickness it is like fearing someone with influenza, the frist thing you would do is try to prevent it from getting worse. give them helpful adivce to remedy it, or spectulations on where they could easily recive information

If i making this all up then how am i endangering anyone? since that is your stance on what i'm saying

sry i'm picking away at your reply but i want to understand what you are saying

 

I am not a mental health professional, only have been around alot of mentally ill people. I see in your profile that there is no age listed, thought I assume that you are a teenager as you stated in your first entry that you are not yet the age of 18. I cant recall if you said the age of your cousin. I see alot of reference to sex or sexual urges, and some say that you make it up. I know that if your cousin is alot younger than you are and you state that you are 'molesting' her then that would be more on the lines of you being a possible 'pedofile' if you are mainly interested in the urge to inappropriately violate in a sexual manner someone much younger, and if this is the case or if you really believe that your on you way to being a sociapathic tendency, then I would suggest that you talk to a 'mental health professional'.

Your Psychology teacher is not properly trained to evaluate and asses a mental disorder or conditon and is much more limited in the field of psycology and though may teach psycology is most likely not a person with a Masters Degree in Psycology or Social Work.

It may sound on the lines of if you are saying or doing this to get attention, which I have no way of knowing nor does anyone besides yourself, it could be a condition known as 'Borderline Personality Disorder'? I am not in disagreement with your self feeling of being a sociapath, though in some ways I see you reaching out to others and though you say that you express or feel no guilt, yet talking about the condition itself could be some subconcious form of knowing somewhere that you really know what your doing is not what you want to do.

Most sociapaths are at some point early on institutionalized, and if you have not been at this time, I think that your really needing professional help to determine what the reason is for all the negative acting out that you state you are doing. If you do not get professional help now, this will only grow and grow and already you are putting yourself or another in harm or danger. In the US this even thinking of causing harm to someone or yourself would warrent the need for Emergency Detention in order to get the help that a person who desires to harm themselves or others.

I really think that you need some professional mental health, NOW , not that I am judging you or think your a bad person, I only feel it is what you need to do for yourself and if not for yourself, then do it for your victom(s) so that you can regain control of your mental health, and prevent future harm to others and or to yourself.

Peace be with you and please talk to a professional about all of this.

 

i guess it comes down to that but if i talk then everyone who matters will know it will interrupt my education and would cause the seperation of me and my cous and shatter the image of who i am to my family, i hate drugs (medication) and i dislike being confided but in the end i guess that is what it comes down to choose that which would be like being disowned with the slight hope of getting better, or just deny it all vent her enouph to make it through the week hmmm, but your post is very thought out and logically i'll look into borderline personallity thanks for thought out thoughts

 

Tell the Docter, you must tell the doctor, your ill.

Either way, telling the truth or not you must see a docter and tell them your ill.