How does a man distinguish himself as a man?

i have to say, i can't think of very many ways available to men to establish his manhood in a socially acceptable parameter. personally, i'm a fan of the division of the sexes. i know not everyone is, however, there are crucial, biological differences in the way men and women function, and different things men and women excel at. but when i look at you typical suburban or urban setting, i have to say, there really aren't many options available to young men to exhibit their strengths.

for dave, he's a hunter, though i am, too. but he's also worked himself to the bone in activities typical of the rural landscape. he's done the classic rites of passage, i suppose. but what do young men in the city and suburbs do?

 

We live in the burbs, kinda rural. Bear loves to build things, he works in wood and in the dirt. He takes care of and emotionally and finacially supports his wife and his children. He does a good job at his place of employment. He hangs out with the dudes once in a while, just the guys. He's great in the sack and cares as much about my satisfaction as his own.

He's pretty happy as a man. I don't know if that is what you were looking for or not.

 

it's different for everyone. honestly, i don't think going out in the wilderness and shooting an animal would make me feel any more of a man. i give my girlfriend love and support, and i care so much about how she feels. that makes me feel like a man.

 

A man opens jars of spaghetti sauce, BBQs the meat, changes the oil, kills spiders, and investigates strange noises in the night.

 

yeah, that's pretty much what i'm looking for. i have several brothers, and i think their entire claim to "manhood" is by being the one who controls the remote and watching football. women are taught to revel and exult in those things that make us female, to enjoy our woman-ness. but i have to say, maleness is rarely truly celebrated on the micro-level. not everyone is cut out for athletics and those big spashy masculine things or military life. i don't see a whole lot of celbration of those better aspects of a man's specific abilities.

 

In the suburbs, I think they mostly play sports.

 

not all guys play sports. i cant stand watching any sport except hockey and i cant play sports. im just not any good at it. i agree with fat freddy, jars are where its at.

the only real claim to manhood a guy in suburbs has, is getting laid. which isnt really that much of a claim to manhood.

 

I've always thought that being a Man ment being honest and dependable, willing to protect those weaker than yourself, standing up for what is right and things like that. Sports and physical activity (while gendered activities) do not make a Man. The ability to use tools does not make a Man. Expressing good character in the face of opposition is what distinguishes a man from a boy.

 

Wow. That was hawt.

 

I don't know. There are many stereotypical differences, but differences are often what causes some people to hurt each other. Differences are beautiful and we should keep them, but when it comes to differences like that, I like to look at people as One, and yet a One that appreciates it's differences...if you know what I'm saying? I love difference and diversity, but I just wish people would celebrate that peacefully and not discriminate.

 

I don't know I don't like killing things unless its in video games (then I love it) because i feel bad for it. The manly activities I usually do are swimming and running track. I also participate in plays sometimes. I like to go out of the suburbs and go camping every once in a while (not in an RV but in a tent as in real camping) and fishing or whatever. I enjoy caring about others, romanticism, many forms of intellectual activity, and respecting women and their beautiful bodies. I like the fact they can do everything a man can do just as well despite all the objectification of them by men, and they usually have the power to control men because most men think with their dicks.

 

i see a lot of it as very sad. not a lot of chances for a man to step up and be a man, in some traditional rite of passage. yeah, the getting laid thing, which basically just leads to an objectification of women as a tool to feel like a man. those little things that help a man to rejoice in the better part of his masculinity as a seperate from the feminine. dave provides for us though his hunting, and reconnects with his family history and heritage, and has the knowledge that deep down, if things go really wrong, he knows at least one crucial way to put food on the table. it's not really about "yay! i get to hurt something!" it's about a quiet peace and security, for that one person who said "i don't have to kill something to feel like more of a man." that's fine, don't really care, but don't belittle something of profound importance to someone who came up the hard way.

but anyway, the point is, we leave litle leeway and understanding for those things that come naturally to our boys. we don't leave them much. we've swung too far into the direction of the feminine, i think it's unhealthy. it's not balanced. when you leave someone with nothing, they start fighting, they get cornered and frustrated. i dunno. just something that leaves me sad when i look at my brothers. my younger brother has found ocean based sports and lifegaurding. he can revel in his physical strength and power while communing on a deeper level with the earth. he's not just a tool to be used by females to satisfy their egos. nor is he like my brothers were, using and dumping women to up their score. though both have finally turned out to be wonderful fathers, thank god. but i can't help but think that they might not have left such a swathe of destruction behind them if their energies were better focused.

 

Beautiful...
Good to know there are more real men out there.
I sometimes desair and think my partner is the only one (yes, very subjective and bound by my personal experience I am) but it is encouraging to know that people out there see that it is something far more than "simply biological urges" -like sex and violence- that makes a male a man.

 

yeah, those things don't really make a man. those just make a biological entity. being able to pony up his half of the arrangement, being a father, being a good man, using his particular skills for good instead of evil. things that help him to appreciate his naturally given gifts (those that are indeed different that those given to women) are really important. comfort in our own skin, in our own chosen roles, needs to be encouraged in both sexes.

 

the classic masculine traits haven't changed.

 

Getting loved and loving my girl. And opening the jars. Plus, a little bit of it just comes from within, I can't describe it I just feel it.

 

BRAVO mynameiskc!!

it's a tough question because we (society) haven't given todays' young boy much opportunity to ponder himself as being a male and what that means. and, with the constant re-defining and de-masculating going on all around the developing male, he simply turns into a grown male who still doesn't have the answer.

 

Sure we have. We (society) have told our young males that boys and men are troublemakers. We have taught them that their image is more important than who they really are. We (society) misinforms our young males as much as we (it) does everyone else. Young males just don't have that much practice in recognizing bullshit. So they believe the crap their told.

 

i appreciate good sarcasm...hi there MikeE, that was a witty and amazingly fast response. i haven't been on a board with this many members in a long time.

wouldn't you agree just a bit that there has been a disproportionately concerted effort to target male-ness? dum daddies in tv ads, gratiutous jewel-knocking as humor, and "public service" spots that lay family-violence and its solutions squarely on the mans' shoulders but never address female-to-male violence as a family problem...

 

I don't think much about where the Man focuses His counter-life PR campaign.
Is it disperportionatly aimed at young men? All I know is that the corporate machine wants everyone to agree with its world view.

Part of being a Man is doing the right thing, even though you've been taught differently.