Is it weird that I don't miss my family at all? I know they're all worried about me because I ran away and all but I just don't feel anything. Don't get me wrong I love my family to death but all these years being alone in my room and not socializing I wonder if it has fucked something up mentally? I also haven't cried in a long time and I think I've acquired this "I don't care" attitude over the years, feels almost like an armour I guess and noone can hurt my feelings.
I can relate. I often miss friends more than I miss my own family. When I visit them it's more of a chore than something I look forward to. I see how my friends interact with their family (enjoy talking to their mother on the phone, going to family functions, etc.) and I wish I could feel that way too but I just don't. I don't spend time with family on the Holidays and when I do go visit, sometimes I just want to leave 10 minutes after I get there. Not only am I not close with my family. I have no desire to become closer. I'm sure that being gay and having to hide it from my family for most of my life has something to do with my distant emotional connection to them. But I'm not sure that's the only (or even the main) reason. Having said all that, If you ran away. And they have no way of contacting you or knowing if you're ok. Then I think you should call them just to let them know you're ok. I know you might be afraid they will cry or yell at you but it's something you are going to do sooner or later so you might as well do it soon because they are probably suffering. If you've ever truly been worried about someone then you know what a horrible feeling that is. I would just give them a quick call so they know you're alive and doing well.
My family lives down the street from me and never comes to visit. No one comes to visit and it can be very lonely and depressing and though I see them as they take me to the Doctor's and the supermarket we spend no time together in a way in which they really know who I am as a person , only the person they force me to be to them and follow all the RULES unspoken and unwritten but known of the list of things we dont talk about which leaves not much to talk about. So I am moving to Phoenix, Arizona in about 6 months so then I will actually have a reason that they dont come and visit or have any thing to do with me as a person.
I feel the same way and I have cut my entire family out of my life entirely, I miss having family a lot but not mine. You have a family here on hip forums.:grouphug:
I agree with Phil, let them know you are ok. you don't have to give out any furthur information if you don't want to.
I think a lot of us have come to that conclusion. While I am currently on good terms with my mother and sister, it has not always been so. Especially when I was living my differences and not particularly inclined to hide them, like homosexuality or interracial love or opposition to religious encroachment on my freedoms. Sometime in the '70s I came to this observation: "In your journey thru this life you often find yourself closer related to those you encounter than to those whose physical flesh you were born of and you realize that your physical heritage is no more than a garment you were issued by others and not always of your style or fit."
Ive always been a hermit since my late teens. I have no friends, or family. I just stay in my flat alone all the time. I never socialise, or meet anyone else. For me, its just a defense mechanism. I feel if I cant be around people on my own terms, and be able to live as myself, and have other people treating me as such, then Id rather be around noone. At times it is hard and hurtful having noone around, especially when Im feeling sad and in need of some comfort. But for me, its just the only way I can cope with things. Being around others makes me very self consctious, and I dont like it. I guess Im just trying to make my life as stress free as possible.
