help wanted

recently my life got dropped in the toilet bowl, in amongst all the feaces.
right now i can see a hand reaching for the flush.
i want to get out.
i need to scramble up and cling on to the seat before i get flushed.
and i want your help.

You dont have to climb in with me, just stand at the side shouting wise things and applauding once a while.

if i get out and clean up then your reward will be me, standing by the side if you slip down the lavatory.

 

Im in. Now all you have to do is talk... Im prepared to say stand by, applaud and even say a wise thing or two if you are willing to listen

 

ill listen to anyone. and ill need towells at the other end

 

Sure thing

 

ok thanks. ill talk

after a terrible tragedy in my world ive gone wrong.
given a new meaning to the phrase "substance abuse"
given up on any schoolwork i might have
given no attention to myself or to my friends
shut down emotionally
become very introvert and detached
lost my mojo
and i just lost my lighter too

 

also given up on punctuation

 

Punctuation doesn't matter, your life does!
Do you wish to speak of this tragedy? I understand if you don't feel like thinking about it, don't want to write it here, don't wish to discuss with a stranger but it will help me to help you. If not, then maybe elaborate on the other things.

 

i can think about it, i can talk about it, with strangers.
but its harder to talk about it with my friends and i havnt enough, im not being fair on them. ive made it now so they feel they have to tiptoe around me, watch what they say incase i snap and do something stupid.

 

Ever seen Flushed Away? That was a funny little cartoon movie.

 

no i havent, is it good?
what happens to the main character in the end? does he get out of the bowl?

 

Don't worry too much about your friends at the moment. worry about getting yourself back. Bringing other people into it will only make you feel worse and make it harder to get yourself out.
Is there any thing you believe in, any one that you love or anything worthy enough that you can keep it in your mind however you feel. Anything that can pull you through, even when it seems all hope is lost?

 

wouldn't want to spoil the ending.

 

ooo waking life you are evil, leading me on like that.

my partner, i could belive in her, she could pull me through help me out

 

well .... not really ..... you could just go rent the thing. Its just a movie .... oh wait were you comparing the movie to your life? Thats a great idea! Im RON BURGUNDY.

 

Great, well then hold that image in the front of your mind and let it help pull you out, even when things seem hopeless.Always helps to have something to hang onto.
What has happened to make you this way?

 

shes the very reason im tearing myself apart

she left with her family on a 6 month holiday, and the weekend before she was booked to fly home to me, she was murdered.
it gets worse but those are the basic facts

 

Oh dear, im so sorry. You show much incredible courage just coming here and asking for help. Im sure she would want you to be happy, she would want you to live your life. But you can't begin to live again unless you are prepared to let go. And i don't mean let go of the memories, or the love you have for her, but the way that things were/ could have been. Cherish the good times. And everyday as you climb out, remember her. Have the strength to live your own life again and have it for her, because nshe would have wanted that.

 

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

 

i think i understand what your saying i should do.
but her mum and her body a back home, i havent spoken to mum properly yet and im worried i wont cry or something when i see her.
its my basic defence thing i think, b/c after the initial shock i seemed to know what i was doing and i was doing it, "it" involved running for miles, going to lots of partys and doing loads of drugs. mild insomnia followed, i was on time to one lesson in two weeks. i ignored EVERYTHING.

 

Good for you, waking life, but i must let you know this thread isn't about scotch. Goodnight