felt immense frustration at being stuck within a human body? ( wow as i write this i almost feel like theres two parts...)
( hopefully me being so public about this trip is OK with you all. i thought it might be fun for those who like psychology. im pretty wierd ;D )
Sometimes. Use this feeling to recognize that you are in fact not limited to the human body. It's merely a temporary instrument of expression of what you truley are. If YOU can feel stuck in YOUR human body, then what exactly are YOU? Find your true position and then you won't feel stuck in the body anymore, and you'll rejoice in the fact that you won't have this body forever. And then the potential for the most beautiful expression of your temporary form can take place.
Yes, especially as this body ages, degrades, sags and just plain old rots. But, i expect that we only get this one single life, manifested as it is now. Being embodied, though burdensome and stressful and profoundly state of consciousness altering (moods, hormones, drugs, foods, etc.) is a wonderful blessing. Having a brain that self-identifies as "sentient" is even more of a blessing, with the ultimate blessing/curse being the undeniable knowledge of my ultimate demise/death in this form, . . . and probably sooner than later. Unfortunately, i have a sneaking suspicion that my life is over 50% over. My husband and father are even closer to the ultimate truth. Let's try to honor and enjoy what we have while we have it and recognize it as the blessing that it is. Things could easily be much, much worse. All i have to do is look around . . .
I have, but then i considered again. Faced with the prospect of not breathing as the head is held underwater, it becomes apparent that I want to be in the body after all.
you are not "stuck in your body". your body is as much "you" as the feeling of being stuck in it. It is illusion. what you really feel stuck in is this universe, but you are this as well. infinite claustrophobia, wanting to escape the here-now to some fairy tale land. embrace this jarring noise, you are making it.
my question is, why does this resistance to the here-now occur in the first place? This infinite claustrophobia, which i myself have been well acquainted with, can be the ultimate pain in the ass. Why does this happen? What is the paradoxical truth to it? If there is such a thing..
i believe the process begins during babyhood as we form what Heinz Kohut called Object Relations, that is as we begin to learn that we have a separate self/ego/body from our mothers. i believe part of it is just the simple formation of the two things that are essential for ego to function, memory and history. i have a big essay/rant on this in my book, but part of the thinking is something like: What do you have when you have a person with memory but no history? You have a newborn baby. Their memory is intact and functioning, but there is not yet any personal history. What do you have when you have a person with history but no memory? You have the equivalent to a demented end-stage Alzheimer's patient. Neither of these two states of being resist the here and now. They truly live within the moment. i believe our resistance to it is simply the cumulative impact of our memories and histories. And the older one gets, the WORSE the phenomenon becomes. Observe middle aged and older people. We spent a HORRIBLE amount of times IN OUR MEMORIES. Reliving the past, reviewing great times, going over mistakes and searching for final lessons or perhaps even punishments . . . .Years & decades pass and so much time is spent reviewing the past and worrying about the future that somehow the here and now just passes us right by . . .
Yes, that all makes sense. I suppose for me it's much more of a subtle game of resistance. Sometimes it just arises with no thoughts attached to it whatseover. It's just an inconceivable search for something. It's just a ruthless resistance that will use anything as its excuse, such as not opening my apartment door with quite the right flow. It's an OCD game perhaps. I mean, there's so many layers as to why this happens.
How deep do you want to go China? You could say it's an "OCD thing" or you could say that it is the yin to the yang of effortless bliss, the yin which is the energetic source of all change and arising and destruction, shiva, chaos, etc. a stone in the river causes swirls and eddies and froth. my own feeling is that it's something like that, or that our consciousness is just at an awkward kind of developmental stage where we are cognizant enough of things that we can arrive at such formulations of reality, and yet not cognizant enough to do away with them. our minds are teenagers, and teenagers always rebel against their parents.
Yes! your description Writer matches my own experience almost precisely. It's at this pathetically frustrating place where i'm aware enough yet my mind still rebels. And when i can breathe it's better than i could ever imagine. It's a roller coaster and no matter how aware i am it's not always pleasant. It hurts right where it counts.
My body often makes me feel claustrophobic. Sometimes it would be nice to escape the burden. Also, I know that one day it will fail me. That's a claustrophobic feeling.
I also like what you said about the yin to the yang. Reminds me of what i was reading yesterday about the Tao. Tao is the source and Te is the Chi energy that's moving, or something like that. I would love to get more in tune with this Chi, and harness it better, so that i don't have to go through this physiological rebellion forever. Fact is, this is a very turbulent time. My body is going through all sort of, yes i'll say it, "alchemical" changes. Lots of intensity. And lots of vicious rebellion from the mind. But then, my being will relax, and i'll literally be walking around the mall and i will "disappear" into everyone that i see. It's such a blissful state and is amazing to be a part of. Suddenly the interestingness and depth of things is just everywhere i turn. The suchness blazes forth.
