Groundbreaking research

I've done a bit of research on the subject of death and I've made an interesting observation. Everyone who has ever died, was breathing immediately before they died. There must be a causal link there.


So if you don't want to die, don't breathe! Simple!

 

but not breathing wud make you die???

this must be some sort of ironic humour or something but im stupid and dont understand

 

Well everyone who's ever died was breathing immediately before hand. Don't you see something sinister in that?

 

I (gasp) am (gasp) not (gasp) breathing. [falls out of chair].

 

I fear it may be too late for you though. 20 years of breathing might kill you even if you stop now!

 

Nooooooooooooo!

 

Intresting!

(I need to make up space to post this message )

 

oh dear... ive only had 18 years of breathing... and im quite lazy and often forget to do it....... do u think there might be still time to save me?! *holds breath*

 

Wow dude, deep. Deep.

 

I heard that as long as you quit breathing before your 30 that you'll be alright...He maybe we can have those cool messages you get on cigarettes floating around in the air...you know "breathing air means one day you will die" and stuff like that ...

 

News just in... drinking water causes Cancer!

 

Good shout

 

You're inhaling all the smoke though- that can't be good!

 

[still fallen over from not breathing]

 

That's very true ... in theory submerging yourself in water away from all that air should be good for you!

I'm off to try it.

 

As far as fire is concerned, you'll find yourself inhaling in order to scream out all the air.

And as for drowning, well what happens is all the air you breathe into your lungs wrecks your lungs' ability to process oxygen from water so when you start letting the water into your lungs your lungs just can't cope.

 

Well then what about being in a monsoon then?

 

Well drowning in a monsoon is the same as drowning in anything else, Shirley!

 

Have you noticed that dead people never move? They just sit there all stiff, stinking up the place. So I think the trick is to keep on moving. Like, even if you're sitting down keep twitching your ankle or something. Keep on moving. It's the key to immortallity I tell ya.


Also, you never see dead people masturbating? So maybe wanking is the fountain of youth. All you have to do is keep on pumping and you'll keep death at bay.

Keep watching those dead people. See what else they don't do. The clues are all there.

 

Also you very rarely see dead people standing up. If they are standing they are propped up against something.


Perhaps we should get rid of these all seater stadia for the football and go back to terraces!