Funny or embarrassing sex stories.

Post 'em here.


A couple years ago, a close friend of mine was dating a guy I couldn't stand. And one day, she told me she was going to give him head that night. She asked me, "Should I spit or swallow?" I said, "Guys love it when you spit. Especially into their mouths."

I thought this guy was about to get the blow job from hell, and I was about to be able to laugh at his expense.

But the next day, she told me he loved it, and they did it twice.

For fuck's sake, why did I have to randomly guess this idiot's fetish?

 

after years of orgasmless sex my ex and I were both frustrated. I told him I think I may hold back because I am afraid I will pee. he said let it go you probobly just need to cum. I let it go but I peed-all over both of us and didn't have an orgasm.

 

Hahahahaha!

This thread is off to a good start.

 

another time this one is funny aftr brunch I went back to my exes house and gave him a blow job anyway I have a weak stomach and I gaged and threw up on him. He had a pice of spinach hanging of of his member.

 

I have so many other ones but they make me sound very unattractive so I will not share those.

 

HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

damn, lynsey, keep going. those are the funniest posts i've read all night.

 

probably because you're his secret ass buddy....

 

Not too long ago I had a 3some with 2 chicks. For some strange reason I could not come. It was kinda embarrasing being sucked by 2 girls and fucking the hell out of them but not being able to come. It must have been all the pot and alcohol i had that night cuz I'm surprised I can remember it.

 

so is it embarrasing that you need to make stuff like this up? sorry dude not believable

 

That's not completely unbelievable - you put a bunch of drinks or herb in me and I'm just not going to bust one, plain and simple.

 

the first 10 to 15 times that my ex girlfriend and i fucked i didnt cum once....and then she started to feel bad because she thought she wasnt pleasuring me. lol but then when i did cum that first time, i collapsed on top of her and i couldnt move for a while....


not as funny as lindey's but really embarrassing

 

i dont know about yall, but i think it would suck worse to come too early than not at all.
and yea, alcohol does that to you, for you unbelievers.
i dont know, does the herb do that too?

 

i never noticed it, but i guess other people have

 

my friend never cums with his girlfriend
she said if he didnt cum she would not have sex with him anymore
so now he fakes it every time

haha a guy that fakes it

 

....how the fuck can a guy fake cumming?

 

more sex stories!! they were getting good!!

 

I mean having teo girls suck you off at the same time. I don't thin kthat is a likely even-for any guy.

 

i wouldnt say that. anythings possible with the right girls. i betcha you'd do it.

 

uhm no I wouldn't there are certain things that enter the realm disrespecting ones self-that would be one of thsoe things.