Is all the talk about girls who have bad relationships with their fathers get into abusive relationships or become prostetutes or something true in any way? Okay, I realize that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, let me try again. How important is a male role-model, or a father-figure? Really? There, that's a bit better. Any thoughts?
i dont know...i only know guys who dont ever talk to their dads and live with their mom and they seem to be fine but i dont know about girls, unless hes physically abusive and controlling or preverted...then i dont think theyll become prostitutes.....unless they get into crack and go on from there....
Well, I dont have a good relationship with my dad..... He was never abusive.....but without going into a whole long thing, I dont really even want a relationship with him because of the person he is and some decisions he has made. We dont even talk to each other. Actually though we have been talking a bit lately because he has been sharing his pain pills with me, which I will gladly take But that is about the extent of it. It's been this way since I was about 12. I dont really feel that it will or has had a negative effect on my relationships. Maybe because Im just not the type of person who would ever allow anyone to abuse me......I'll kick their ass! But I will say one thing.....my dad did cheat on my mother with a friend of the family's and when I was in my last serious relationship I was very untrusting of my boyfriend and was certain that he was going to cheat with one of our mutual galfriends. I was also very jelous and insecure....which is totally not like me at all. But I couldnt help feeling these things which were hell on the relationship. Whether or not my feelings were linked to what my father did to my mother....I dont know. Maybe they were. But as far as the person that he is...it is a constant reminder to stay away from needy and insecure men like him with issues. Some people say that women are attracted to men like their fathers....I am the total opposite. I am attracted to men that are his polar opposite....and it has always been that way for some reason. Good thing though
i grew up in an abusive home and my dad was the threat but i didnt turn out half bad. I dont look to tons of men for love and just go around sleeping with random men. I think really it all has to do with the will of wanting to move on with your life and wanting to better your life. It took a long time for me to get past my "past" but I did it w/ no grudges against dad or stepmom. My dad and I get along 100% better now....and it took a few bad things to get it to be that way...one step leads to another but it's all connected in some way to get to the end. you just don't see that til' you sit back and look back at all the things that have happened I think a male role model is very important (my opinion at least), when I was going through all this stuff with dad and then when I wasn't talking to him for a few months, I felt that big void. A daughter does need to feel her fathers love but unfortunately it doesn't always happen that way. Luckily I did have some friends who were able to surround me with much needed love til' I could work through my problems...now I actually get sad when I think of my dad dying.
i'm not a psychologist, but i think it's safe to say that, usually having spent a lot more time with you in your formative years than anyone else, your parents are the model around which your perceptions of all people are built. to put it very generally, you perceive all females in the context of how they compare/contrast with your mother, and likewise all males with your father. also, your parents' relationship is the model for all other relationships. the foundation of everything you learn about people and relationships is what you learned from your parents. all the decisions you make are based on what you've already learned. but everyone makes different decisions with their knowledge. a woman who grew up with an alcoholic father might shun drinking and anyone who drinks, or she might take up with another alcoholic or start drinking herself because it's the only thing she knows. i personally grew up in a house where my assertive, self-absorbed mom weilds all the power and my dad, quiet and non-confrontational, often appears to be quivering in her shadow. they're still, more or less, happily married. now, in all my relationships with men, i feel like i "should" be the one holding all the cards, because i've been shown that that's how it works. the guy i'm currently with is, coincidentally, a lot like my dad. the women who've been sexually abused by their fathers (or others) and continue the legacy with abusive partners have been traumatised so deeply and at such an early stage in their learning that, i guess, their perception of reality has been permanently tainted. they carry with them a victim mentality that makes it nearly impossible to maintain a "normal" relationship, but is the natural habitat of abuse. any abusive asshole can smell that vulnerability a mile away. and the reason why so many of these women keep up the cycle of abuse is that it's the hardest thing in the world to unlock all those festering emotions, unlearn everything you've learned and start from scratch, not to mention the gruelling social/family/legal politics that get involved. the longer one's been trying to cover up those old wounds, the more difficult it will be to finally deal with them.
Course not, I feel the same about my Dad. Well most of the time, but then no father can go through life not loosing their temper and being a bit of a dick. I've always been a bit of a Daddy's girl, never understood why. We have always been very alike in our mindsets, views, even musical tastes. I'm also quite intellectual, which my Dad can relate to. That's changing a bit now as I grow and become more invoved in 'alternative' things (paganism, being vegetarian etc) whilst Dad is very much a middle class conservative. Underneath it all we are still quite similar. So it works. Maybe that's why I preffer male company, they seem simpler and don't bore you talking about shoes (lol) apparently I'm an honorary guy.
Another winner statement from Blackie. What you claim is an "excuse" is usually far from the case. Certainly in some cases, people overdo it, but in this "post-modern" world, let's face it, people live in a perpetual state of confusion because we are assailed from all sides contradictory notions of what what is proper/improper behaviour, etc. This breeds disfunctionality, and disfunctional people, when they have children, become disfunctional parents, etc. Disfunctionality has become so commonplace, that in many cases it is now considered "normal" or at least acceptable, and the recognition of these disfunctionalities has been deemed an indication of how progressive we are as a "civilization".
It really depends on the individual father; as with mothers, there are those who are positive influences, but also many who are not. In this day and age, when feminism is all the rage, it is not surprising that you would ask such a question; feminists have spent the last forty-odd years bashing men, maleness and fatherhood, and so it really must come as second nature to their little devotees to ask such questions.
My dad actually supported me being vegetarian. Well....he IS a nature/animal lover.(today he yelled at my brother for ripping a flower out of the ground...>.>)
Hahaha, no, lots of women love their fathers and that's good. But me, err, I'm walkin myself down the aisle or gettin my mum to do it.
