ex-boyfriend wants abortion...

i'm 21. i started dating a guy (he's 25) about a year and a half ago and we "broke up" about six months ago but continued to spend everyday together (and have not seen other people except for one night he had drunken casual sex with one other girl - very hurtful to me, by the way, but trying to forgive him...) at times he acts like he's my boyfriend and refers to me to others as his gf and other times when it's convenient for him, he doesn't and reminds me that "we're not even together anymore!" or if i make him mad, "see, this is why i broke up with you!"

well, i'm two months pregnant now and he is trying to basically force me to have an abortion. i AM pro-choice, but personally don't want to have an abortion. i am not THAT young, i am emotionally mature, i am almost done with an associates degree (i know, it's not much, but better than nothing.) and i work part-time but i think i could easily find a full-time position.

he works odd jobs occasionally. i'd say he pulls in about 400 a month. i make about 600 a month, but like i said, could find a job with more hours. obviously, this isn't enough money to support ourselves, much less a child. we both still live with our parents. my parents are very poor though, and we might be getting evicted soon and being homeless with a baby would be pretty awful. i have some friends that would be willing to help, but that's uncertain and i would like a stable environment, of course.
he says he's not ready for a kid and isn't willing to look for a better job and feels like he has nothing to offer a child and therefore doesn't feel it is a responsible decision to bring a child into the world at this time. but i don't think it is a responsible decision to KILL a child, when i know that, somehow, i could manage.

now things get more complicated. like i said, we are technically broken up. he says if i choose to keep the baby he will "hate me forever" because it would be against his will. i said "well, i will hate myself forever if i do it, because i would feel too guilty." he said if i did get the abortion he would be there for me to help me emotionally, and even implied that we could get back together (he knows i'm dyyyying for this, because i love him with all my heart and want nothing more than to spend my life with him. he also hints that if i have this abortion now, that in the future he would consider a child once we're more stable, or have a healthier relationship. we do fight A LOT, but i think we're just overly emotional because of everything going on.) so he's kinda making me choose between keeping him and keeping the baby. but i feel like if he really loved me, he would be willing to make some sacrifices to support our baby. HE says that he does love me, and that he looking out for everyone's best interests - his, mine, and the baby (because apparently he thinks it would have a horrible life under my care...)

i really cherish our relationship, but am afraid he'd leave me whether i had an abortion or not, and then afterwards would feel guilty about, seeing as the only reason i want to have the abortion at all is to please him in hopes of keeping him in my life. (this seems illogical, right, i want an abortion if my man stays, and i want to keep the baby if he's leaving anyway. but do you understand my reasoning?)
basically if i chose to keep it, i would be on my own from the start to the finish with VERY little help. i have a shitty job and no place to stay. maybe my bf is right? i just feel like i COULD be a good mother. i don't know what to do... any comments?

 

Paragraphs make reading something this long a lot easier.

I would say put your baby up for adoption, or keep it. It sounds like you don't want an abortion, and I don't think this is a decision you want to have doubts on.

 

Sweetheart, it's your body. Your choice. Do NOT let this loser (and yes, I'm sorry, but he is one from your description) guilt you into something you really, in your heart, don't want to do.

It will be a tough road, but where there's a will, there's a way. Do what YOU feel is right. Let him sign over his rights and be done with him.

 

At least you understand the situation you're in. He is definitely trying to manipulate you into getting this abortion. He's offering himself as incentive, but in my opinion, if you have a baby, that baby will be YOURS forever, however, if you do decide to have an abortion, who knows how long you'll get to be with this guy. He may stay for a day and leave.

You already said you don't want an abortion, that it would make you feel guilty, you know you aren't getting one. If this guy really, honestly, cared about you, he would support your decision and not be so self-centered.

 

Agreed, I mean even if you have the baby you can always give it up for adoption. If you feel that the living envirnment isn't right. I know exactly how you feel though. About two months ago I thought I was pregnant and my ex wanted me to have an abortion and I knew that I wouldn't want to have one. I would always have felt guilty if I had. I ended up not being pregnant, but my ex broke up with me a week after I told him that I might be pregnant.

 

PLEASE PLEASE do NOT listen to him. CUT him out of your life now! IF he isnt man enough to raise this baby after he created it, then hes no good!

 

I agree 100 million percent.

 

Just because he's not ready for a baby doesn't mean he's not man enough to raise one. I think he sounds a bit iffy on the basis that you're his girlfriend at his convenience.

It's a tough decision and I'm sorry you're facing this dilemna but ultimately it is up to you. Dad has had his say but as neoroptican said, you shouldn't go through with it if you're so doubtful it's the right thing to do.

What if he wasn't in the picture to make you feel guilty? Are you ready for a baby? Emotionally, that is.

 

I really think you should leave him and keep the baby.
Raise it yourself or maybe even consider adoption?

 

Most of the time the responses on these forums are to say the least a bit juvenile. But the replies to you post are VERY good advice. They are thoughtful and mature. This could not be a more serious issue.

I am a fifty-year-old man who has raised three children. Personally I’m pro-choice like you, I respect without reservation your right to decide to have a baby if you choose. This is a highly personal issue and there is no right or wrong answer to that.

This guy is not ready to be a father. He many never be. So dump he. Dump him long, hard and fast. Forever and don’t look back.

If you decide to have this baby adoption is a wonderful option. There are literally thousands of couples that are just dying to adopt. If you want to give this child and yourself the very best odds for a great future this would be my advice.

With the adoption laws the way they are now. You can leave the door open to the child; he or she will have the option of seeking you out when and if she or he is ready.

 

punch him in the dick so that this never happens again.

 

it's kind of difficult for me giving advice on such matters for me.especially since i don't know either of you.i usually don't give advice on these subjects but this one tugs at my heart a little....you have to listen to your own heart but being a parent is the greatest thing a person can do.i have three grown daughters and it was hard but when i'm with my daughters and grand kids i wish i could live forever.maybe your man will come around and he can have this feeling but if he doesn't you will be just fine without him.it is definitly his loss.finances are important but it is the love in your heart for your child that is so important.best of luck to you.

 

That didn't last long


Hun, do what you want to do. Don't let anyone dissuade you any other way.

 

Please either give this baby up for adoption or have an abortion. You and your "boyfriend" both aren't ready to bring a baby into this world. From the sounds of it you're barely taking care of yourself, how do you expect to care for another life as well? Although a difficult one to make, it's a fairly obvious decision that you can't keep this baby, it wouldn't be right.

 

i would say you can do this.if you decide to keep the babe you have to do it and if you decide to you will.you can do what you set out to do.you can raise that baby.it's your decision and i totally respect that.all i'm here to say is you can do what needs to be done whatever your decision.

 

I actually found your post through google while searching for websites about abortion. I joined this site only to tell you about my experience. Please do not do this. I am your age also and had an abortion almost 2 months ago. My boyfriend (now ex) pressured me to have an abortion. I didn't really want to do it. Part of me was telling me not to. I know it was myu decision but i felt brainwashed. It was a horrible experience. Everyone at the clinic was really nice, but it was very scary. It did not hurt though...until after. I had horrible cramps the next few days, they were unbearable. All the pain from the cramps could never compare to what came after.
Every person is different, but if you are unsure now you WILL regret this. I have cried every day since the abortion. I want my baby back. I feel so awful. Everytime I see a baby or pregnant woman i get teary eyed. I will never have another first pregnancy and it hurts so bad. I can feel the pain in my heart. I broke up with my bf after this, I couldn't be with him anymore. I always thought he would be supportive and he completely turned on me.
This is something u will have to deal with for the rest of your life. Just think if u get the abortion there is a good chance you will regret it, if you keep the baby u will never regret having your own child. The moment u see ur baby will be the happiest day of your life.
Do not let this man decide u or ur babies future. If he really loves u he will come around, if not, he is not worth it...trust me.

 

Aw *hug*

 

agreed thats terrible, that anyone should have to go through that just to "please" their partner.

 

You've decided to have the baby.

Do what's right for the kid.
Others have suggested that adoption is best for the kid. I agree.
But, if you decide to raise the child, get a paternity test and court ordered child support.
The child will need the financial support.
Don't let your anger and pity for this guy keep you from getting what your kid deserves; some financial support from the father.

 

I gotta say this dude seems like a punk. Usually I only say that when im tryin to flirt with a girl, but this time I mean it. Just do your own thing girl. It sounds like you already know you want your baby, so go with your heart. There is never an ideal time or situation to have a child, just go with the blessings youre given. If he dont want to help then lose him fast, before you end up supporting yourself, your child, along with him and his next kid.