Don't enjoy making out.. Help

So here's the issue.. I am quite happily in love, and have been dating/engaged for 4 years now, so I'm very comfortable with him..
Our sex life is great - But we had to overcome some.. problems. At first.
I have a history of sexual abuse and so when we first started out, I would shake uncontrolably when he touched me, etc. We've overcome that with time..
But I do not enjoy making out. I can't seem to relax - When he kisses me, I freeze up, and I can't think properly, and I feel like I'm panicking, but I don't know why. I also seem to have a strange fear of saliva..
A psychiatrist is out of the question, so have any of you got some advice on how to fix this/overcome it? Any techniques? Any advice would be greatly appreciated..

 

just try to focus on the fact that nothing bad will happen to you if he kisses you, maybe even try kissing him first, which would be a huge step.

 

I do sometimes initiate the kiss, trying to overcome my fears. But it doesn't help any, and I usually back out because I panic.

 

do you know whats making you panic? is it a result of your sexual abuse?

why don't you try kissing for a few minutes every day? the worst it could do is freak you out, but making a habit of it could cause you to overcome your fear and realize that making out is extremely fun- not a chore.

 

I'm assuming it's because of the abuse in the past that I'm so afraid of intimacy, at times.
And that's a good idea - Trying it every day, that is.
Anyone else have any advice?

 

but i don't mean like forcing yourself to do it.

maybe for 30 seconds, maybe for a minute, maybe let it lead to other things

but don't keep kissing long after you start to feel uncomfortable, because that could cause your mind to associate being uncomfortable and the sexual abuse to making out. just go for a little bit and the stop.

i was thinking about it like teaching yourself to be flexable- everytime you stretch you can stretch a bit further, but you can't do a split the first time.

i hope it helps, sorry if it doesn't.

 

Thank you very much for your suggestions, I'll definitely be trying them. I'll take any advice I can get at this point.

 

why is a therapist out of the question? if your past abuse is affecting you this strongly, it sounds like professional help could, well, help

 

I'm a starving college student who doesn't have the money or the insurance for a therapist, I'm afraid.

 

most colleges/universities provide free counselling, even if its a limited number of sessions. you should see if your college provides such a thing, i know my school does and ive taken advantage of it a few times and its definitely helped me out

 

where are you positioned during these kisses? my idea is this. maybe if he sits down on a couch or something and you straddle him and lean in then you have control over the kiss. starting and stopping as you please. as much and as little as you want. it is a hard thing to imagine not wanting to kiss. it is most definitely one of the most passionate embraces you can share with another person.

 

It's pretty depressing.. I've always envied teenagers for just loving making out and all that. I suppose I should seek out therapy as it can still affect me pretty strongly, and I still get the shakes sometimes if I get into a similiar situation/position, etc..
I'm usually under him, or standing when we kiss - That was a very good idea, dark hippy. I'll have to try that. Anyone else have any advice?

 

hmm ya i agree with darkhippy if you basically make him the "slave" sounds stupid i know.. but if you are the master and control everything like the pace.. so you can slowly work ur way up to a comfortable level or slow down if ur panicy. just make sure he lets you do it all so he doesnt try and rush you.