Dealing with a girls past relationships/sexual encounters

How do you guys deal with it, please I really need some help.

My gf and I havent been seeing each other that long, its still some early days. Some background: Shes only the 2nd person ive had sex with, 4th girl I've ever even kissed, im 21, shes 20.

Her number however, is much higher, i dont even want to know for fear of it being ridiculous but lets just say shes been promiscuous...

I realise past is the past, people have had sexual relationships, but she keeps fucking bringing them up!?! And its not just case of me asking her not to cus I have and she keeps doing it accidently.

We're talking about this university SU event we are going to which is school uniform attire, and i start flirting about school uniform being hot etc and what we will get up to afterwards, and she just drops in how she had sex at school once in her school uniform.

UTTER BONER KILLER. Pardon my french.

In NO POSSIBLE WORLD do i need to know or hear about that. Yes, this is 100% about me being insecure, but am i being crazy for being this bothered by this kind of stuff?

 

uptight dudes like you make every other guy with little or no sexual history look bad...

if my girl told me how she got fucked in a school uniform, i'd be interested in recreating it - not suppressing that fact and pretending it didn't happen like a stubborn child.

if she didn't have a sexual history, she probably would be lame in the sack too.

so: yes you are fucking crazy, and you nailed it - you are way too insecure about it.

 

no dude, I used to be like that a lot. I have had girls that would not shut up about that sort of stuff and even revel in it to friends right in front of me. One instance got too bad and I dumped her. There was a lot more to why she had to go, but the straw that broke the camels back was one night, her, a friend and I got drunk and she was talking about that stuff. To make it worse, she was holding out on me and that made me feel really weird. Also, I once dated a girl with a "high number" that she was proud of. Since I knew it wasn't a life long relationship, we had our fun and split. Currently, my GF and I are open but respectful about the past. Sometimes being open can help a lot and clear up all those gray areas that your mind fills in when you only have a few details. Sometimes when you hear the truth, all you can do is think about it and let it soak in and realize that there is nothing you can do to change the past without a DeLorean and move on. If you drive yourself crazy with all of these details, you will have a bad relationship. I would say that if there aren't any other "red flags" in the relationship, then you are probably overreacting. In my experience, there is a lot of talk about the past in a new relationship. Maybe you should give it some time. Maybe she thinks that turns you on because she's down for that fun stuff...

 

also, what purp said..

 

Whatever happened to don't ask, don't tell?

 

fucking Obama, amirite?

 

You're loco and also ungrateful. You should be thanking your godess for the gift! Purp's right...........

 

I think the previous posts are mostly moronic. The problem is not your insecurity with her past - it's her absolute lack of respect for her boyfriend's mental well being. The % of men who WANT to hear about their woman's past sexual history is an extreme minority. Most normal women know this and keep it to themselves and most normal men know better than to ask.

Also women who just volunteer than shit randomly are the ones who are insecure about the shit they did - cause they know they were doing less than classy things. If they were secure about it they wouldn't be bringing it up over and over once you asked them to stop. You have a woman with low self-esteem who doesn't respect you.

People need to understand in life that there are just a lot of people who don't know HOW to respect another person the correct way in a relationship. They don't necessarily do it on purpose but if their entire life has been spent around self-absorbed people who treat each other with poor respect (family, friends, parents, etc) they probably don't even fucking know how to behave at all. Young people get confused by this because when they run into these people they get offended by their self absorbed behavior but the other person thinks that's normal acceptable behavior because hey - that's how i was raised and that's what life has been like for me - "so you must be the one overreacting to her trivial amount of bad behavior - you're just being a big baby!". Fact of the matter is you will meet people who are good people but just had fucked up lives and sometimes in life it's just easier to find someone who comes from your background more because they understand what that mutual respect really means - what it really looks like. And you have to realize something - if you meet someone in their 20's - you are NOT going to win the battle of convincing them that they are wrong in this. That's 20+ years of experience they have wrapped up in their brain that tells them that the way they do things is just fine. You won't win that battle and you shouldn't even be trying - just leave and find someone who knows what mutual respect is.

Sorry for rant but I just see this kind of shit so often nowadays.

And the other poster talking about his girlfriend bringing up her past sexual encounters when he was out with her friends and etc.... jesus fuck christ - you people have no self-respect.

Only on these fucking forums does someone tell you you're crazy for having a negative reaction to that type of behavior... lol.

 

I kind of agree with Yazz here.

But the others do have a point where the OP, if he can get himself to overlook his insecurity, turn her experience into new sexual experiences for himself.

But I don't think his insecurity is unwarranted and especially since he really did try to draw an honest line of what he is and isn't comfortable with.

If I were him I'd use the 3 strikes rule, for how many slip ups I'd tolerate from my girlfriend before I seriously have to have some 'inner dicussion' with myself over breaking up or turning her sexual past into a possible positive experience for myself in the relationship.

The OP can go either way, it's up to him really.

 

:iagree:

 

Get over it, your the only one that's tapping it right now, why should it matter? If it truly bothers you to some ridiculous extreme to the point of which you can longer tolerate, then perhaps you and this madame where not meant to be. Their's billions of fish in the sea brother. Many of them probably don't talk on and on about their past sex life.

 

I honestly don't think it is that big of a deal to actually consider breaking up with someone over.

Ask them to not bring it up because it is a sore subject. It might take a while for the person to get used to not saying anything about it.

If they are DISRESPECTING you, that person would CONTINUALLY do it without any sort of remorse.

If it is an honest slip, so be it.

I seriously think that it is a super male-ego driven issue though that is related to the same cultural customs that keeps women veiled behind a burka.

Get over it. Your girl screwed a handful (or even more than that) of guys before you. She's with you now, you are with her now. It's somethin you gotta ask yourself - are you dating a girl because of the girl or because of the guys she has or hasn't slept with? If it is the second one, you might want to also consider your closeted homosexuality, or just get over the dick measuring contest and enjoy your life rather than trying to meet a bar of expectations set in place by someone else and held in place by yourself.

Only on these forums will you get someone trying to encourage someone else to continue an unhealthy mental behavior.

 

No, it`s not. I didn`t have to read past the first paragraph to know what kind of chick we`re dealing with.

Not keeping private things private, and sharing unasked for TMI: THAT`s what I call a slut. Get rid of her.

 

i woulda thunk you would opt to keep her around and see other girls too

 

The OP doesn't seem to be that kind of person Purp

 

Dude, I`m the greatest getter ridderer of people you`ll know. I don`t just keep people around.

Either you adhere to a strict code of respect for personal space, or I`ll cut you loose.

Don`t do nagging, don`t do circular arguments, and I don`t say No to anything more than 3 times. And, volunteering unasked-for details about your sexual past would definitely be one of the things I`d say No to.

Realize however, that I find women with long, diverse, sexual pasts extremely sexy. In fact, I can hardly get it up with any girl who`s had anything less than 50 partners. :biggrin: I even like to hear about a woman`s sexual past.

BUT, I`ll only play if I feel she`s concerned with my feelings. I`m not beyond jealousy. I`m not beyond being hurt. And one thing is for sure, loud-mouth sluts will constantly expose and never ever spare your feelings.

I`m exhausted just thinking about it.

 

Well put, the tone of this message really sums things up. I think this post can be closed now.

 

I think that's just extremely clumsy, and even though it's normal that pple have their sexual history, it's definitely not a thing to bring up when your bf/gf is flirting with u.
Also, i pardon your french.

 

Replace KFC with a pair of tits and this would be OP

 

If it bothers you that much talk to her about it and tell her you wish not to hear about it. When a guy mentions his past experiences I listen but it's all the time there's a problem. Or simply meet a girl that suits you better.