Dating can be hard...any advice?...

hi,
I'm Tracy, I'm almost 19 and I've been dating my current boyfriend for a year and a half. This past week was filled with relationship upheavals..I found out that sometimes he makes himself have sex when he doesn't want to just cos I want to. I found out that he lied to me about getting hit while hanging out at a friends house the week before. (he said he didnt remember how he got the red mark on his face) He got mad at me for caring about what happens to him. We also had a huge issue on saturday, we were both at a party and I missed the last train home. Ken (my boyfriend) already had arrangements to stay at the house where the party was. I'm friends with the people who own that house too so I assumed that I could stay over too.. He got really pissed at me and said that we were two different people and that he felt like he'd lied to the houseowners because he hadn't asked if I could stay over he only asked for himself. It was really strange... and it all boiled down to that I was welcome to come to the party but he didnt want me staying over, he'd come to hang out with his friends and its not the same hanging out with his friends if I'm there or some shit like that... It made me very sad....now I'm still not really sure if he likes me.....I mean...we've hung out since and its been ok but I still let him know that I'm a bit wary of him.... I'm really confused about our relationship... Any advice?

Tracy

 

Sounds like maybe he doesn't want a serious relationship. Is he the same age as you?

 

This is strange, guys are so hard to understand and I'm sorry this is happenng to you...something similar is happening to one of my best friends who is 22, her boyfriend says their relationship is "missing something." this is crazy because they even stayed together while he lived in argentina for 4 mos.

 

Ken is 20, almost 21. He just doesn't really have much direction and I think that disturbs him. He has all the ideas and doesnt think he has the time to think them through and finally act on them.... but the way he talks it seems like its going to take a long time for all of his thinking and such... He thinks that he doesn't have a life of his own... which is weird cos I only see him on weekends....but then I guess he doesn't consider the day to day stuff a life...like going to class, cooking, and chilling. this is where we differ I guess... he thinks I take up all his free time....and I feel like I don't take up much time at all.... I dunno....life is weird some times....

 

good luck

 

dude. the fact that he views the time spent with you as a waste of time is really bullshit. if he truly cared for you, he wouldn't view you hanging out with him as a waste of time if there's so little time you guys hang out in the first place. he just sounds immature and like he doesn't want a serious relationship. what are your feelings for him? do you feel that staying with him is really worth it? it's your call...

good luck. i have been in similar situations. boys can be really hard to understand. boys find us just as mind-boggling. either way, being in a situation like this is so hurtful and sickening. i hope everything turns out okay for you

peace and love

 

dump his ass............

 

Sadly enough, I love him alot....like alot alot... he's like my favourite person and we're usually good together. Its just really hard right now... it does make me feel sick and wonder about him and his love. He says its really weird for him because for 18 years he did everything by himself and was always alone and now I want to be there "all the time" I don't know what to do.... I still love him and enjoy being around him but I feel kind of weird about him...like I'm wary of him....not sure whats next or something... Thanks for all the good luck... I just wish I knew what to do... much love!
Tracy

 

well, all i can say is good luck i guess it's hard when you have really intense feelings for someone and all they do is push you away.

 

well, all i can say is good luck i guess it's hard when you have really intense feelings for someone and all they do is push you away. have you asked him lately why he's doing this? have you asked him if he needs a break?

 

sorry about the sorta-double-post.

 

Dump him.

 

I tried to ask on saturday night/sunday morning when we argued for 2 hours...lol... I've asked if he wanted to take a break or just come see me when he wants to or something lately...but not recently..he always ways no because thats not what he wants and he thinks that'd make me really sad which I guess it would or might but I'm feeling quite ambivalent towards him. I dont know what to do.....

thanks...Tracy

 

all i will say now is that someone who is that confused about what they want doesn't need to be in a relationship with someone who knows what they want out of life. he seems to be the one who doesn't know what he wants, and you seem to know what you want. therein lies the conflict...

 

When Jer and I first got together, until about 2 years into it he felt the same way about me. It was like yeah I could hang with his friends sometimes, but they were "his friends", and all of that silliness. He also said that it was not normal for me to want to spend time with him. LOL it is so funny to think back on it now. It is funny, because we took some time apart for about 2 months the summer that it got bad between us, and well that short amount of time is all it took for him to realize that he missed me like crazy and that it was completely normal to want to spend time with each other. We've been together for 4 years now. So, I don't think that I'd jump to the conclusion that it isn't meant to be, but perhaps for right now, he just needs space, or time or something. So maybe give him that and see what happens. Good Luck! and if it doesn't work out, then there is someone else out there who is supposed to be with you.