I can see you! My idol, my model Look at me Why don't you see me? I'm your replica I'm angry Do you care? I'm happy did you notice? If I left tomorrow would your heart break? Mine did
ahhhh, the tearing apart of american faimly has been in full force for awhile now. You can thank the establishment for that and ther programmnig. sick i konw.
Relating with people, focusing on our similarities rather than our differences, makes life a lot more enjoyable.
Hi Autumn's Angel, Give your relationship with your dad a little more time, and it may help you heal the pain of his leaving. I wrote this poem to my dad when I was a little older than you. My dad died at the age of 66 from pancreatic cancer, 10 years ago. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him, and think of him, and wish he was still here so I can ask his opinion and advice in some situations that have come my way. Perhaps it was his relationship with your mother that he couldn't tolerate, and not so much that he left you, as he lefther? Maybe he truly did want to be there for you, but felt his spirit slowly dying being with your mom? Many people get married young and find themselves in relationships that just don't work no matter how hard they try due to the changes they go through both individually, and as a couple. They may just grow apart, and 5 minutes together in the same room may just be too much, even though initially they thought they couldn't live without each other. During the times he is with you for visits does he let you feel his love for you? Or are you so overcome with hurt that he left, you might not see this? I hope the pain goes away for you. Here is a poem I wrote for myself about my dad. He loved it. "My Dad's Love Profound bliss, Pain, sorrow- Blending, Childhood lesson. Beyond happy To- See, hug, spend time With you. Tears, happiness- Simultaneous grief Sadness when- You would leave. Fortunate one To experience Such deep felt Emotions. You weren't there- Day to day, Spared the mundane Happiness when you'd visit. Powerful love Precious gift I- Was given. Because, I felt your love's strength Intuitively found Strong, loving men. New insight, I, Not deprived- Enriched. I love you, I always will Sweet love, My dad's love. sugarplumplum
How do you deal with the absence of the security? Of the one who "should" (?) love you the most? As a child, you don't realize the relevance, of this.. feeling... (or the absence of).. And yet, it is so critical in the shaping of one's .. being, essence, security, personality, confidence... Perhaps this is solely a daughter's perspective. I can only feel it through my own experience. As far as Love is concerned it has, unfortunately, left me feeling.. unworthy? Undeserving? I question my wording only because I cannot put into words the empty feeling of an unmet need. I was born of him, and I am him. Just as smart, as adventurous, as impatient, and (ironically) just as unfulfilled. I used to wonder about love.."If he can't, then who will?" I have carried this terrible misconception with me ever since. I miss the confidence of my youth. But then I aged, and I began interpreting the world. I realized that he just wasn't paying attention. Everyone else could see me. They adored me while my father ignored me. I do, though, give thanks to him for the positive traits. I will hold onto them. At least he left me with something. HOWEVER! My mind will not allow me to waste time wallowing here. Although it never ceases to be incredibly disappointing, (when I give in and give it more time to be exaimined), it is still just life. Some things are detrimentally damaging to our souls, and some things do the exact opposite. The only life I can live is mine. I own it. I know how it feels to be me, solely. Where he came from, I will never know; but where I am going.. I can decide at any time. Knowing this now, I have learned to look at my father as an equal. He cannot be my "hero" anymore. He will never defend me. He will never protect me. He is just another human in this world, with me. In this position, he is harmless. I am no longer the little girl who didn't understand why her father didn't give a shit about her.
i can relate to that... nice poem... my Dad was the same... never really got to know me, while i spent hours/years trying to get to understand him... trying to understand why he was like he was... i think he loved me... i think he loved all his children (he had atleast eight) but was just incapable of expressing that love... he didn't love himself... was fucked up emotionally... he needed my mothers love so much that he didn't see we needed him and her too.... he never left (except when he died)... i didn't say goodbye because it felt so false... we'd never really said hello... understanding why he was like he was did help but there was a huge empty space inside of me... that hole has got smaller and more bearable as i learned to love myself... i know who i am... i don't need to have that acknowledged by anyone anymore... (it would be nice, i just don't need it anymore.... not like i did) i wish it could have been different but at the same time i wouldn't change a thing... have learned so much about myself and others... im crap at poems so i won't attempt one... thanks for yours
This message moved me strongly. I read it aloud and it made my partner cry. Hope you don't mind her reading it. We are both with you now. This message needs to be read by your father, at your own discretion of course. This message should not be read by his wife. Don't see how you could ever pull off this feat while she is still alive or while they are still together. Please stay in touch with us. We love you dearly. You know who we are, right?
Okay now, this poem made ME cry! Please know that you are greatly loved by me, and although I can never be your dad "for real" in the way that you would like, miracles can and do happen every day in the way of healing. You were the most beautiful child I had ever seen. I am still crying. Sincerely, You Know Who.
I took me eons to find these two poems but it was worth it! The longer one was great but the shorter one was so very powerful for me. You will be amazed at the healing that will ensue, if you aren't already amazed. I don't think a poem has ever made me cry before. Thank-you so much for this profound sharing experience. I can feel you here with us now. I love you.
Betcha my Dad was/is worse than all your Dads put together. :bigcry::bigcry: NONE of you deserve to wallow in self-pity as much as I do!! :sad::angelsad2:
