im 19 and i started self harming (cutting) when i was around 12 or in the 8th grade. i dealt with a lot of verbal abuse at home and my reason for cutting had always been to control my anger/crying or stress. i never cut too deep, just enough to feel something and to distract myself briefly. i did it a lot at first, then stopped for 1 or 2 yrs in the middle of high school. i relapsed in my last year of high school because my mom suffered a stroke and a lot of shit happened afterwards with my family. my school sent me to see a social worker to help me cope with my family probs and eventually i told her about the cutting. she recognized that i used it for relief but recommended that i try other strategies. so from the time i started seeing her, i stopped cutting and resorted to writing and mostly crying as outlets. because i started to feel less shameful and weak about crying, i think it's made me cry more easily in situations that i normally would have kept to myself before. there are times where it's inappropriate to do so, but a lot of the times i cant hold back. and for some reason, when i cry just a little i cant stop right away even tho i dont feel as bad anymore. i need a moment to myself but when i cant have that moment im just a mess and people take it the wrong way. i relapsed last week, at work. i work for my bfs' family's resto and the environment lately has been stressful and hostile. his mom has been implementing more changes and her approach to discipline and order has been driving everyone insane. 4 people have quit and more will continue to do so. she stressed me out pretty bad last week and after i did my prep i cried pretty hard in the washroom. there was only so little time before my shift started and i didnt want her or customers to see me that way. i bought a mini exacto and broke a small piece of the blade out and cut myself. i kind of feel bad about it because i feel ive become more incapable of managing stress since what happened with my mom. i can be hypersensitive sometimes. anyways what do you guys think? should i go back to counseling? and do you guys think i might suffer some sort of anxiety disorder or depression?
If the counseling did you good before, you should go back (seeing the same person you talked to) I think. Also, do you talk about this with your bf ?
counseling might be good I suppose you could have anxiety and depression. getting out of the stressful and hostile environment might be a good idea. you might want to check out www.suicideforum.com . I think that they have a non-crisis forum for people who SI crying is probably good for you when you feel like crying. being in negative situations is probably bad though hope that things can get better soon!
i told my bf everything about my past and the cutting. he understands and doesnt judge me for it, esp knowing that it was for relief. however i didnt tell him about my recent relapse though. i feel bad about it and this is the first time that i've cut while in this relationship. im scared to tell him tbh. but it's gonna be inevitable because my cuts are apparent, on my arm.
Remember that you are not your past. Even if its something that happened two weeks ago. What you represent each moment in the now is what matters. You are not your past, remember that, and their will be less remaining issues to deal with. Don't let scars resurrect the knife.
you love him, he loves you. Dont lie, I think he will understand you. You arent feeling well and it isnt your fault. If people are not feeling well with an infection or asthma, they get medication for it. Feeling unwell in the mind should be treated the same. also, self harm is addictive and relapsing can happen alot. You should exercise any help that you can get, not only for you, but for your relationship
I suffer from multiple disorders which I will list below and explain how I deal with them and all I ask is please do not judge me and please give me ideas on better ways to cope with these.... My disorders are 1. ADHD 2. Major Clinical Depression 3. Bipolar 4. Border Line Personality Disorder. .. I deal with my ADHD by smoking Marijuana because it calms me down I also use it for my depression... I am a very emotional young woman and I began self-harming (Cutting,Burning) When I was 11. I have been in and out of counseling and psych wards since then as well... I hadn't cut or burned myself in almost 2 months but last week my depression hit harder than it ever had before and I relapsed. I also suffer from low self-esteem and low self-worth as well as self-confidence. Well after my relapse last week I decided I needed to stop the cutting and burning so I turned to something else... I have been using different types of drugs and have been drinking since I was 13 to help ease the pain and make me feel better about myself... Now.I.have
I'm guessing from your other threads that you probably need treatment that takes into account your drug use. You may want to visit www.suicideforum.com, since the folks there will probably have a lot more experience with how to handle the things that you are going through. Are you in counseling now? Do you feel like it's helping? Are any of the medications that you are taking helping? You may need some adjustment to your meds, and your psychiatrist and therapist should know that you also have some substance abuse issues.
That is a lot for anyone to deal with. No wonder you feel overwhelmed. Don't feel bad or ashamed about the incident in the bathroom. You were under extreme stress. Going back to counseling is the best thing to do. Everyone has a strategy for trying to escape from emotional pain and you have found one that so many others have found. You deserve to learn other strategies that won't cause more emotional and physical pain. Just remember there is no reason to be ashamed. You did the only thing that you could do, under your circumstances, with what you have learned from others up to this point. With counseling you'll keep learning new strategies to cope, and you'll realize why you deserve to learn the strategies.
