Hey guys, I havn't posted in a long time, so lets wrap this up. I'm in a serious relationship, so to speak. 15 months into it now, and I'm not feeling the way I used to at all. I feels like i'm "stuck" in this and don't know how to escape. I got made redundant recently, and thanks to my brother, I got a new job, which was very lucky as money was about to run out. We're both at university, and I work until 9pm 3 days a week. Now, according to her, this was all my fault and I chose this job on purpose to make her suffer, which I didn't. I get really tired as it is hard work, going to university, then work, then to see her, then wake up to do the entire process again. This job has given me some time away from her however, as we used to spend everynight together. She thinks that I'm physically not allowed to see friends or go out with them. I made a tonne of new friends at university and I can't socialize because she makes me suffer. Her way of thinking is: "If you have a girlfriend, then you would want to spend all of your time with her". Is this a healthy way of thinking? She couldn't even be nice to me on my birthday, a girl said happy birthday to me on facebook, and I said thankyou. Now apparently i was super excited to recieve that comment and am now cheating on her etc. She cheated on me a while back, and she says I can't be trusted, but she doesn't even have a reason why. It really annoys me because I feel it's so hypcritical! I would never cheat. All I want to do is to socialize more, before my university years disappear and I wake up one day thinking FUCK ME! I would take her along if we wouldn't fight, but that's all we do. Even if I'm late from work, it's automatically my fault and she doesn't speak to me for the entire hour and a half I'm there. I can't seem to reason with her, and I need some urgent help please! Sorry for the big post, but thanks for your time!
This is not a healthy relationship to be in. The two most important things in a relationship (at least to me) is honesty and trust. Binging in a relationship with someone does not mean that you have to spend very possible second with that person. You should be able to spend time with your friends too. If she can't be honest with you and trust you than its time to end the relationship. Though that is just my option. Anyway best of luck!!
She's not your girlfriend man, she's your fucking keeper. You're wasting your time trying to make this work, she doesn't trust you. Maybe it's her own insecurities. I don't know. If you don't want to spend the time trying to analyse her behaviour get out of the "relationship". It can only harm you! Sorry!
^^^This^^^ Run as fast and as far away as you can- unless you like being treated like a misbehaving pet by a domineering owner. This is not a relationship it is ownership and you my good sir are just property... a wardrobe accessory at best.
Thanks for your input guys! I didn't know if it was right or just me, apparently not. It's just I try to sit her down and talk but it never ever works, as soon as I say i'm going out or i've made plans or something to that extent, shit hits the fan. You've given the impression that I should run, which is indeed, the impression I would give to someone else in my position, but how can I go about this? This girl is all i've known for 15 months, what if my friends don't want to know and i've got nobody?
she is insecure about you cheating, plain and simple. she doesn't want you out of her sight. they say those insecure about things like cheating are the ones who have or would - she has proven this. i hate to sound mean, but every relatonship has a natural winner and loser. or, one who is punching above their weight, i think she feels like this. suffice to say, it explains the constant admiraton she needs, the affirmation you are around, not cheating on her and would explain her cheating on you instead. she needed to prove she was worth her cop. my advice? dump her. she will cheat on you again, not before she continues like this here after. i had a girlfriend like this mine was so bad that i swear she fed me to make me fatter and less attractive to women.
You cannot be responsible for another persons emotional well being. People who say they need you are trying to exert control by making you feel guilty. I think any confusion about what to do in this situation is caused by your own double dealing. On one hand you recognize it is unhealthy to feel trapped, but at the same time you want to use her because your afraid to be alone with yourself. This is not a relationship issue, it is a personal comfort issue.
If your friends judge you on the basis of whether or not you have someone then perhaps you should ditch them too. You shouldn't require another person to make you feel whole or to make you happy... that's way too much responsibility for one person... to be responsible for another person's happiness. As far as how to go about it... quick, blunt and too the point. Tell her that you believe she should find someone new because you know that you need to do the same. Don't be angry and do not try to hurt... just speak your mind and if she tries to escalate things then it should be confirmation that splitting is the best course of action for you. She needs to find someone who will not enable her shit. You should spend a couple years free of committed relationships to rediscover being whole outside a relationship unless you WANT to cultivate an emotional reliance on someone who couldn't care less for your feelings and clearly doesn't respect you as a person. A clean break (as in not even just friends) would be the best for the both of you. She needs to be with someone who demands respect and you need to built your own self respect.
sounds like she has some issues that you are under no obligation to help her with. get out while you still can; with your soul and dignity intact.
