I've been going out with my boyfriend for about nine months, which as a seventeen year old is a relatively long time compared to a lot of other highschool relationships. My boyfriend is the kind of guy who's always happy, talking about how great life is, and doesn't really focus on emotions as much as just his surroundings and observations. We've never really talked about exactly what either of us WANT from each other, or why we like each other. There was one time a couple months ago when he told me that he felt like he was a bad boyfriend and we talked about it a little, but since then we haven't really gotten down to the basics of our relationship. He doesn't even tell me he loves me at this point, something he used to say every now and then. Also, I feel like we're either just friends or we're fucking- there's not much in between. I really wish that I could sit down and talk with him, but I don't want to be the annoying confrontational girlfriend, especially with his super positive personality/tendency to not focus on emotions. How could I start this conversation without sounding annoying?
take off your clothes first. seriously, just say something. it's only annoying if you bring it up repeatedly, and even if saying something once was annoying, well that's the cost of dating you. if that's too much for him, then he's probably not right for you anyway.
I agree with this, just say something. I mean seriously if you ever expect to get better at communication you have to open your mouth and speak.
Agreed. Besides, what has a positive/jolly personality got to do with not showing emotions nor telling you he loves you? It seems to me that you are more of fuck buddies than actual partners.
There's no use communicating if its all bullshit Effective communication in a relationship, truth and honesty, being each others soulmate ....all that crap.....thats just how people say it is. Do as they really do, fight like cats and dogs about stupid shit, get passionate, get riled up on that gambling like addiction of losing the relationship, say mean things to each other so you make up tell each other you loves you, then have hot and heavy make up sex...you know, live life Either that or give up now and turn into your parents
You all make good points. Well today I went and saw him with some of our mutual friends and he seemed really distant, like he didn't really even want me there. He didn't even give me a hug hello like most times when we're with friends. I guess another thing that still seems strange is the huge contrast between us alone and us with other people. I'm all for keeping PDA at a minimum and I don't even mind him treating me like a friend when we're with friends, but it's just such a contrast. I know he likes being with his friends and me, though, because he's always saying "the more the merrier" and he likes hanging out in big groups. This just makes me think that he likes being with "friend-mode" me more than "relationship-mode" me. I think I really just need to spend a day alone with him, but I don't want to like, MAKE him spend the day with me if that's not what he wants.. gahh I just need to speak up! Easier said than done, though. Also I don't want him to think that me talking about our relationship is leading to me wanting to break up... haha now I'm just worrying too much.
I don't know if you're worrying too much. What I do know is that the more you write the less what you guys have seem like a relationship to me. My ex had that PDA issue, too, but that's because we're gay and we had an age gap of 21 years, but it still irritated me a lot. Why is it that you two don't like it? Is your relationship (or whatever you have) a secret? Look, to each their own, but a relationship where your bf doesn't tell you he loves you and doesn't even hug you (not to mention "kiss you") may be a lot of things but certainly not a healthy one. Might be a healthy friendship, or a healthy "sex arrangement" but not a healthy relationship, dear. I think you really should define what you want in a relationship and if you don't have it in this one and you and your bf are unable to work it out, then you should consider jumping off the boat. If you feel satisfied with things just as they are now, on the other hand, then keep it.
