I was just recently dumped by my bf of 2 years. I know that we shouldn't be together, but my heart tells me the opposite. I know that this will pass. However, in the meantime I am always looking for a new mate even though I don't want one or need one right now. I'm just lonely I guess. Any tips on getting over a break up and not rebounding?
That's certainly what I did immediately after breaking up from my only long-term relationship. I had a whole bunch of casual sex. But wishing to be free to have sex with anyone I'd like was part of the reason why I chose to break up in the first place, so...Bow-ow-ow! Yippie-yo, yippie-yay! I would assume from your post your situation might be different? If that doesn't work for you, then I see no other choice but to stick with the pain through to the end no matter what.
i just said i didn't want to rebound, np. lol. i am done with the casual sex. i've been there and done that many times. the problem is i don't know anything else. i've always either been in a relationship or had many sex partners. it's a miserable life.
rebound, as in fucking or getting into a relationship with another guy we still see each other b/c we have mutual financial and furry obligations.
i went through a really tough breakup as well. he was pretty much my life when we were together (also together for 2 years) i was devastated. its almost like grieving the loss of a loved one, it can be intense. just let yourself go through the pain, dont block it out or force yourself to be happy at first. focus on yourself and the positive memories and things you learned from the relationship. do things that make you happy, spend time with your friends, laughter is truly the best medicine (corny i know). being lonely is inevitable when you go from having someone in your life to being back on your own. its a good thing that you dont want a rebound because healing is best done without a crutch. hope this helps and good luck!
I am going through it now-and I KNOW I have co-dependency issues, but I also have to see my ex on a regular basis because of mutual commitments. It's really hard not to just reach out and try to hug him. I miss him terribly, my remaining roomie is a pain in the butt. I miss intelligent conversation. I went out a couple times with an old friend, just for sex, but I keep him at arm's length now beause he wants involvement and I don't. I think I've finally reached the age where either all this will blow over and we'll get back together, or I'll be alone the rest of my life (unless my daughter comes home-she's in an adoptive home now) So use your time alone to consider what you really want out of life, start a new hobby, or get a makeover-whatever is right for YOU! Take Care Lois
I was in an on again, off again relationship for 4 years, and everytime we were off again, I would date someone else. So I basically had absolutely no time to myself during those 4 years to deal with the fact that we were horrible for each other and our relationship was unhealthy, and I had no time to deal with the fact that I was not in the right frame of mind to date these guys that I dated during our breakups. The last time we split up was almost a year ago, and except for a quick rebound that didn't last very long right after we broke up, i've been single, and I've never been happier. Instead of focusing on sexual relationships, I've been focusing on female bonding. I've never had a lot of female friends, but during the last year i've cultivated a couple of really close female friendships. Now when I get lonely, instead of feeling like I need a man in my life, I do something fun with my girlfriends. It works wonders. I also try to focus all my energy on creative pursuits. Any kind of hobby that you're passionate about will keep you from running back to your ex or pursuing some kind of rebound. The great thing about this past year is that I've really done a lot of soul searching as far as why I always date people that are not good for me. I now know exactly what type of guy I want, and when that guy enters my life I will be ready to have a healthy relationship with little to no baggage. Its hard the first few months, but it really is worth it to stay single and focus on yourself. That way, when you do meet someone thats right for you, you will be ready to make that relationship really work.
I took a good long month to myself in 1999, after a break-up, to cultivate my own interests (he didn't allow me to have hobbies) I discovered I was good at several things I hadn't tried before I focussed my energy on getting my house in order too, he took a lot of MY stuff when he left (I never got it back either) I worked every day for a month straight, paid up bills he'd left owing, cleaned and cleaned and cleaned some more, had several truck loads of his stuff taken away when he didn't collect it. But 11 years later, I still come across the odd bit of metal scrap or a tool he left behind when I'm cleaning on any part of my property. (Who could believe 1 guy could collect SEVENTEEN TONS of junk-and I know how much because it all got weighed at the dump) But my heart is tired of being broken, either this one comes back or I'll just remain alone and have a room-mate to help with expenses. Lois
i found spending time with friends helped me get through a breakup or two. reconnecting with old friends, finding time for new friends, and just being as positive as possible. i went to shows (something that we always did together) made more friends. put myself out there. tried not to attract the opposite sex, but it happens when you are being your wonderful self. then my ex saw me having fun. saw how much i put my life in order and had fun without him. then we started hanging out again.... yeah, ended up pregnant. now we are together... but respect one anothers space and the need to be ourselves by ourselves. we're great together, cuz we can be great apart.
excercise and doing things you have always wanted to do i find are the best ways to allow yourslf to relax and enjoy time with you an added bonus about picking up these activities is that you may find someone wonderful with similar interests as you wail doing those activities it is hard to be alone but if you dont want to be with you why would any one else want to either
