The very first time I had LSD, I had this experience, which is still the most profound thing to ever happen to me. No time on any other drug really came close to this. But it all happened in a split millisecond. In one of those moments where eternity hits you, and you feel like you just went somewhere for a really looooooonnnggg time, but you come back and like only a second has passed. But in this glimpse of eternity. I was flying through space, basically playing like chase or tag with a bunch of entities. These were things, human forms of energy, flying in their merkabas. This wasn't just a visual either. There was wind blowing in this space. It was very real. It was one of those times where you feel your seeing the reality behind this reality. Well for me it seems behind this viel of physical form, we are flying in space, in merkabas. But anyways, in this flash of eternity, one of these entities flew up to me. Just looked at me. And there was an intense intense love. Incredibly intense love. The visual of this entity, in it's geometric form, with this feeling of love is perhaps the single most vivid memory of my entire life. Of anything. Anywhere, anytime. This is burned so deeply in memory, I could forget even my own name, but still remember this visual and feeling with perfect clarity. For the longest time I thought this was sort of like a foreshadowing to some point when I'll meet my life-long love, wife. That she'll approach in the same manner this energetic form did, and the feeling will be the same, only, she will be in the flesh. I thought this vision, experience, was like an energetic precursor to some event that the flesh will follow at some future point, I believed this for actually months... nearly a year. However at some point it hit me. That form is me. It is my soul. It wasn't an external form, but it was my own soul that I was seeing. I was simply so disconnected from it, that it appeared foreign. Now the thing interesting about this is. This experience is one of the things that actually never left me to some degree. The feeling of this place and this entity never left me. I was always sort of in a constant flashback, a constant deja vu to it, I still am. Like I said, it's a very deeply engrained memory. But it's more than just a normal memory. It's a memory of eternity. Which means it's a memory not in the construct of time, which means, it's still here. Eternity is the same at all times, so any reference to eternity is the same at all times. My memory of this, is actually it. It's not a past tense thing. It still feels the same now as it did then. The feeling never really left me. I still feel like I am out in that space, with this entity, only now the illusion of physical is formed back over it. But anyways, acid gibberish aside. This form is still here. The entity is still here. I can see it, I can feel it. I don't see it in visuals, or anything that registers as 'sight', I see it in another way. It's more like a can feel it so closely, that my mind interpolates a sense of it's visual. But I am always seeing\feeling this form. Always. I remember after this experience, over a year ago now. For months the form seemed seperate from me. And it gradually got closer and closer to me. I know this is a straight up textbook definition of a schizoid symptom, the presence of an entity. And I knew this all through it, but it didn't ever worry me. But over time, this presence, this entity got closer to me until eventually it overlaid me. It's body overlaid my body, it's arms overlaid my arms. We merged into the same form. And this wasn't on any drugs. This was just in meditative states. But as I said, I've come to understand that this energetic form I sense is literally my soul. My tangible soul. That I've reconnected with. That I am seeing. And now I feel like there is two me's. There is this energetic form of me that exists out in this space, I've come to understand as a psychic space. I can get feelings and intuitions from my friends over long distances from this space. Then there is the physical me, operating in typical physical reality. I post this only because, I'm curious if anyone else has had a similiar experience of sorts? An intimate relation with an energetic form that you always feel so strongly, you can nearly see it. And did you have a sense of it approaching and merging with you? Or maybe you always had it, so such a feeling never seemed foreign or stood out to you. I'm pretty sure that somewhere in my early teen years I lost connection with my soul. And then with the help of lSD, it found me again, and remerged with me.
yeah interesting it sounds like some sort of inner divide was healed by the LSD. but there is a much wider truth to this; you may have reunited with some lost fraction of your personhood, and you will still yet reunite with everything. There is nothing that is not you. tat tvam asi
When acid had launched me in a state of apparent perfection as I was meditating, upon closing my eyes I could see what looked like a psychedelic man sitting in a meditative state and I was being sucked into his body. I felt as though I was in the presence of God at the time, but who knows, maybe it was my soul. How awesome.
yeah I think I've had similar experiences. many times it's just a split-second flash like you said, long before I had acid and not on any other drug. then on a strong dose I looked in a mirror and "saw" a very aged or ageless being within me. I sensed a long beard and a dancing white fire in the pupils of the eyes. He was a weary traveler and wanted to lay down a while and watch all the creations of the universe, like a tired farmer after a harvest wanting to lay and enjoy his fruit. Even on a half a tab I looked in a mirror and this being flashed at me again. My friend facetiously said it was of course Sai Baba, and the sooner I realized it the better off I'd be. But it was my soul and he is a weary traveler. After looking up from the mirror I saw an old guy with a cane and a beard, limping along the path (this was in reality, on the campground path near the Dead concert last May). The old man was walking alone, but was followed very closely by a procession of young people, most likely tripping on something and also enjoying the symbolism of the walking old man. The man seemed like he was carving out a wake as he walked, upon which the younger ones floated and followed. Maybe it was Sai Baba or maybe just the ageless soul within all of us that knows us better than we know ourselves, upon whose ripples we ride. idk it was just a trip. Mr. Writer's comment kinda clarifies this for me. it wasn't necessarily a personal being but a collective one. and that feels like a better description when I sense this weary traveler who wants to lay and observe his creation. when i've had those instances the things the weary one was observing were not fundamentally separate from him, just as I can't view my kids as totally separate beings. they have a separate embodiment, but the mental reality is that we are inseparably linked. my blood is theirs and we basically share consciousness, effecting the other even after emancipation or death.
