Can an abusive Spouse/Partner change ?

Personally... I don't believe he/she can, abuse lays in the need that someone has to dominate and control another person physically or mentally.
Once an abuser always an abuser.

 

Most women seem to think so.I suppose it can happen ,but my guess would be only a small percentage can.Probably depends on the extent to which they were abused and education level/common sense.Although there are,I'm sure,plenty of intelligent abusers.Sounds like an oxymoron to me tho.

 

Abusive behavior continues until therapy.....It takes years to resolve the underlying issues that predispose one to abusive behavior.....At times, therapy may be needed several times per week with multiple approachs to the underlying root problems....Substance abuse is often a component and must also be dealt with....If an individual refuses options or ceases to go thru treatment, then I would have to say that the likelihood of change is extremely rare.....Hope this helps.

 

Yes, they can change, but they need to be taken far away from the people, places, and things that trigger and enable the abuse. A person can only change if they truly want to.

 

Very true. I know this from personal experience, having had an abusive father and then husband. If you stay, in their mind, you tell them that they can keep getting away with it. They apologise (it's a fake apology) and can be very charming (this is to reel you back in). But, they soon return to the same behaviour. It's a cycle that never ends.

Only if a person truly acknowledges that there is need for change, then they might start to make that change. If they do start to work on changing, it will take time, nothing happens over night. There's a lot of issues to deal with, that led them to being abusive. YOU ARE NEVER TO BLAME FOR THEIR ACTIONS, (though they will constantly tell you this) THEY CHOOSE TO BE THIS WAY. IT IS THEIR CHOICE.

To other's reading this who don't get why it can be hard to just up and leave. There's conditioning. After a time, you do believe that no one else would want you or that you have been made to feel so unworthy of them (not good enough for them). Like you should be grateful that, at least, they would have you because you are "ugly" "stupid" "useless" "bad" etc., etc.. They work on you and work on you, until you believe it.

Think about conditioning that happens to all of us. Advertising- how many of us believe that we are not tall enough or thin enough or not muscular enough? That's conditioning.

My (ex) husband convinced me that being single would be a bad thing and that society would think I was a "loser", if I were alone. He also convinced me that no one else would want me. I would leave, but end up going back. I had been brainwashed so much.

After years of putting up with it, I left when I found out I was pregnant, determined that my child would not grow up in that environment.

Verbal abuse (unsupportive messages to strip your self esteem), physical abuse (physically harming someone), social abuse (controlling your social life- it's to protect them so you won't tell anyone what they do, but they will use guilt, blackmail etc., to convince you otherwise), financial abuse (taking your money to gain control over you), sexual abuse (forcing unconsentual sex on someone) etc., etc., are all abuse.

It's all about taking away your self power. Some think "well he's not hitting me or raping me, so it can't be that bad". A relationship with someone who doesn't make you feel good about yourself and who only cares more about their own needs, is abuse. Abuse is not an act of love.

Just know that all your brothers and sisters here, think you are awesome and a great asset to the human race. You are worthy.

 

I will always believe in this, and for very good reasons:

"a leopard can never change its spots"

 

people are not leopards, they don't have spots and yes we can change. it is however difficult and takes time to reach the goal. if your partner is someone with a lot of energy and insight then perhaps it'll happen.

christina you're way too young to be so cynical.

 

No I'm not too cynical, I'm just simply not naive. And age is just a number, you have no idea where ive been or what ive been through, so please dont judge.

 

people can absolutely change if they want to, but it takes effort and hard work - something many people in today's world don't want to attempt because they're looking for easy answers and instant gratification

 

If they put forth hard work and theres the support for it, people can change. But its something they want to progress to. It is not an instant thing though, And those who do not want to change, will never do so.

 

that's right it is or how else would we know how many candles to put on your cake.

 

I think some abusers can change, if they have the right attitude about it, and if they're willing to get professional help. I also think that they need to have ties cut from their victims, for both the safety of the victim and the hope for the abuser to learn to modify their behavior and disassociate from their past (although I do believe in a victim's right to confront their abuser later to duly tell them off should it help them get closure). Someone who is abusive is dealing with pathological and dangerous behavioral patterns that need to be under control, and the last thing that will help an abuser recover is to stay in a relationship with the person they abused.

I think abusive relationships are based on power and control, not love. I've known men, as well as women, who were victims of spousal abuse.