Boyfriend watches porn...

My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years now, he was away for a year going to college and then we were apart for one more year for me to finish school. For the time that we were away and wouldnt visit, he would look at porn and told me that he was 'getting off' to it every night. Now im here, give him everything he wants (sexually) and he KNOWS that him watching porn really bothers me... i mean why do it if you have me? and it feels like if he does get off from it, i dont get the attention i get when he doesnt.
it seems like he absolutly needs it, i just dont understand why, i dont mind him looking at it so much but i cant stand him getting off to it, another girl, cause to me, thats not right or loyal.
i say, look when im gone, and wait till i get home and get the reall thing...
he tells me hes slowed down alot and hasnt done it in the past few weeks, and i notice that things are soo much better between us, i get the attention and affection i need... and i can somewhat tell when he uses porn cause im totally unhappy cause its like its not him...

i dont know what to think, i feel like its wrong, its kind of unattractive, and i feel like theres someone who wouldnt do this to me knowing that it really hurts me... are all men this way?? in a happy, long relationship and still get off to porn? i feel like hes addicted?? how do yall women feel about your man doing that when your at work...?

just curious and think that hearing other peoples veiws on it might ease my mind!! THAAAAAANKS SO MUCH

 

I am probably going to get my ass kicked for this, but I think porn destroys a lot of relationships. It denigrates women to sex objects and turns the act of love into nothing more than masturbation with someone's help. I think all men masturbate, or at least 98% admit they do, the other 2% are liars. I could write a book about why, but in my opinion it does not harm a relationship if a man masturbates using his imagination and does so privately, unless his partner is interested and open to mutual masturbation. Most men and a large percentage of women have some sort of innate need to masturbate, and it is better to accept this as a natural thing than to try to fight it.

If you are interested in saving your relationship, you may need to get your boyfriend to a therapist that specializes in sexual addiction.

 

Those aren't real women. They're electronic images. I guess I don't see how images could harm a strong relationship. But then I've fallen off roofs 3 times ,so maybe my brain is out of sync.

 

jesus christ just get over it. dudes look at porn.

i think humperdink's first point is right. don't destroy your relationship over something as insignificant as whether or not he likes to wank to porn.

hell, why not watch it together?

otherwise, my advice is to find a nice mormon boy. i hear they can't even shake it after they pee.

 

Op Y U No Make Porn?

 

I agree with Humperdink.
It's all fake, the people are fake, they do fake things, it's unreal...
Masturbating can be easily enjoyed without porn. I would be upset too if I were going out with anyone who watched porn- let alone be addicted to it.
It definitely tears relationships apart...

 

I dont know. I do porn and Im not fake..

 

Porn will only tear the relationship apart if you let it... or its so serious an addiction that the sex seriously suffers.

I used to have an inferiority complex over it as well, but now I couldn't give a fuck. These days I'm in an open relationship, which involves sex and masturbation with other REAL people, and my partner and I still love each other.

I do think its a bit shitty of him to keep doing it under your nose though when he knows you don't like it - that's just insensitive. You two should talk about it, maybe watch some together even... Thats something I've been meaning to try also.

** Sent from my phone using Tapatalk :]

 

The internet is really really great For porn I’ve got a fast connection so i don’t have to wait For porn There's always some new site, For porn! I browse all day and night For porn! It's like i’m surfing at the speed of light For porn! The internet is for porn The internet is for porn, Why you think the net was born? Porn porn porn I’m glad we have this new technology For porn Which gives us untold opportunity For por—oops, sorry Right from you own desktop For --- You can research browse and shop Until you’ve had enough and your ready to stop FOR PORN!! The internet is for porn! The internet if for porn! Me up all night honking me horn to porn, porn, porn! the internet is for porn! The internet is for porn! I masturbate! All these guys unzip their flies For porn, porn, porn! Grab your dick and double click For porn, porn, porn!

 

Some of the posts in this thread make me wonder if this isn't just another case of people criticizing and moralizing something simply because they aren't the ones who enjoy it; not to mention there seems to be a lot of grand and fatalist statements being made, "Porn definitely tears relationships apart". Can this even be backed up beyond a few anecdotes? Is it possible we can say, "There are cases where porn has had a negative impact on relationships" rather than subscribing to an unsupportable belief as if it were law?

In the OPs case, assuming she has correctly identified porn as the catalyst for changes in her boyfriends behavior, "Krystal78"s response has to be directly proportionate to the severity of the changes.

 

Pretty sure nearly all guys watch porn. I do, i just do it with my girlfriend. Maybe you should be open minded and watch it with him, or at least talk to him about it. Maybe you'll like watching some certain niches of porn. BE OPEN MINDED!!! :daisy:

Life is way too short too hate, so don't hate, be a lover, a liver and a fighter.

 

i wonder if they accept trolls at the nunnery. i don't see any other option for the character OP is portraying, as someone that spoiled will never be able to have a relationship.

for porn!

 

To get some scientific stats, I did a google search for "impact of porn on relationships" and this is the top hit. http://www.theartofloveandintimacy.com/2008/02/does-pornography-help-or-hurt.html
A very good blog article with some intersting stats in it, such as this one-

I could dig up stats all day, but I am not going to waste my time because the people around here wouldn't believe it anyway.

It is simply not true that all guys look at porn on a regular basis. All guys masturbate, or at least 98% do, but not all guys use pornography. http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/porn/special/why.html
In this study of 17000 people in the 1940's only 54% of men were aroused by porn. According to this study reported in Women's Health, only one out of five men look at porn daily- http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/mens-sex-secrets and only 87% do occasionally. That's 13% of men who never or hardly ever look at porn, and I am one of those 13%. I masturbate frequently and with no guilt attached, but I find porn damaging to my relationship with my wife. There was a time when I was addicted to porn, so I do have some experience with what I am talking about.

 

One day you will have to learn that when you're in a relationship with a man, or in fact with anyone on the planet, neither their minds nor their bodies (even their eyes, their hands or their genitials) belong to you. They belong to them. They are a person, and people do people things.

In an average day he will probably engage in several different activities, all for different personal gains or purposes...He may, for example, chat to an attractive woman on his way to work because she happens to be reading the same book as him, or watch a funny movie because he feels like having a laugh. He might see a hot chick in a bikini on a billboard and briefly think about fucking. He'll wipe his nose, scratch his arse or have a wank. He might watch porn because he's horny. What he's thinking about isn't even entirely under his control sometimes, so you've got no chance in hell of it being under yours. He is human. He has a human sex drive. It makes him feel good when he watches images of tits and fucking. Sorry, but you're very unlikely to find a heterosexual man who wont be aroused by those things. It's really very much like watching horror and feeling scared, or sci fi and feeling excited...it's not seen as anything real, and he's not doing anything wrong...he's making a personal choice.

What matters is what you two have between you...if your sex life is declining, or he's favouring porn over spending time with you, then there's an issue you need to talk over...

If he's watching too much porn, either for his own good or for the good of your relationship (which is what you seem to be getting at) then talk it over with him. He should be open to the possibility of modifying his habits. He'll probably feel a bit awkward and embarrassed, so make sure you don't go in from an attack angle. Porn addiction does happen and if he's using porn every day even though he could be having sex with you every day, it may be a sign, so help him out and be understanding. For a start, drop these "why do it when you have me!?" feelings. They're based on blind jealousy and misunderstandings.

 

1) he'll grow out of it - I know that sound patronizing, but it will eventually become boring to him. If you make porn seem like forbidden fruit to him, he'll want to watch it even more - that's the way the human mind works.

2) by "getting off" - I'm guessing that you mean masturbating to porn. Yes? I can understand your insecurity with regard to the porn, but don't make the mistake of thinking that because "give him everything he wants sexually" that he won't want or shouldn't want to masturbate from time to time.

3) The fact that he is open with you about porn and masturbation (not trying to do it entirely in secret) and the fact that you say, "he KNOWS that him watching porn really bothers me" this all leads me to the conclusion that this isn't about Porn and Masturbation at all - it's about a power struggle:

You don't want him to do something and he doesn't like you telling him what he can and can't do. You could insert "video games" and "gaming all night long" in place of "porn" and "masturbation" and you'd have the same scenario. You want more attention from him and he wants to pursue this "past time". You need to understand that this isn't about SEX at all. I don't know, but I DON'T doubt that he is satisfied with your sexual relationship - I honestly think that this is more about him proclaiming a bit of autonomy and personal space. I know that there is this general conception out there that if a man is getting everything he wants in bed then that's all he needs or wants from life and that he should be damned grateful and do anything to nurture and maintain that situation. Well that's simply not the case - but I suspect that you understand this.

The fact that you've been with him for 4 years tells me that you value something about this guy, that you love him. Of course it's up to you to decide whether or not this relationship is worth dealing with this issue. I'm going out on a limb here and I'm going to say that wanking to porn is nothing like cheating - at all. I can understand that perspective, but I don't agree with it. Your boyfriend objectifies the women he sees in porn, it's novelty, eye candy, not the genuine desire that you have experienced from him, or the genuine desire required for him to actually cheat on you with another human being.

I'm going to go out on another limb and guess that you have never, or don't make a practice of "getting off" on porn - good for you - it means you have a fully formed and healthy imagination. If you've never masturbated or don't enjoy it, I would say that you're neglecting a part of your own sexuality.

Finally, you're absolutely correct in thinking that there's someone out there who doesn't engage in this type of behavior - millions. Go to a church, a synagogue, a mosque would be your best bets, but no guarantees. There are people (men and woman) who are addicted to porn, but watching porn and getting off to it doesn't mean he/she is an addict. Your boyfriend might be and he might not be.

I had a buddy who was engaged to a girl throughout college - his fiance was very religious - he watched porn all the time. She accused him of being a porn addict - but he wasn't. He was really into to it for a time, because it was novel to him. The novelty wore off by the time he graduated and they got married. Now he plays Halo 2 hours a day and I'm sure that still puts a strain on his marriage. Four years from now it will probably be golf or fishing for two hours a week.

They probably have the most healthy marriage I've ever witnessed. She came to accept that he needed some space to pursue his interests (I doubt she likes it any more than she did in college, but she's learn to accept it) and he learned that he can't always do whatever the hell he wants, whenever he wants, because he's a married adult.

My final advice - don't take this Porn thing too personal, that is if you want to continue with this guy at all (you should probably think long and hard about how you really feel about him). These kind of flaws and annoyances have a tendency to become huge issues in the minds of people who are really, subconsciously, ready to move on and trade up.

Just remember, you don't need an excuse if you're ready to end a relationship (I'm not presuming that you are). Feelings change and you don't need to justify it by fixating on someone else's shortcoming (again, not saying that you are).

Bottom line - if he's worth it, stay on, give him space and time for Porn to lose it's novelty (it will). If not, you don't need an excuse. Just move on.

 

i havent gotten a chance to really read the last few long ones but, i tell him that im okay with us watching porn together as long as hes not pretending im that girl, which he agrees that he wouldnt associate it with that and never does or has, im open minded about that... and yes i agree that men masterbait wich is fine just as well i do to and its human nature, i just HATE that its to another women on the computer, and if its easy enough for him to to this knowing i dont like it and it hurts me how am i supposed to know if he doesnt go further than that...?

i love him and he loves me we know this, this just seems like the biggest problem in our relationship keeping me from being 100% happy and as well as him cause of my unhappiness....


i like hearing what yall think; thank you so much keep posting

 

Please read my post. I know it seems that way, but he's really not masturbating to another woman - he's masturbating to a moving image - an idea. It's novelty, nothing more. I honestly doubt that he has any real desire for these performers - it's simply an eye candy substitute for an undeveloped imagination.

I'd be much more concerned if he frequented strip clubs - every guy I know who started frequenting (and I mean frequenting - not the occasional bachelor party) was, or wound, up being unfaithful.

 

you need to lighten up.... have a sense of humor

lesbians are pretty tongue in cheek

 

oh man...its so easy to see why your boyfriend needs porn in his life

the poor bastard

 

well ROLLINGALONG its not that way so thank you for your un needed imput.

and JAMGRASSPHAN you helped soo much! i compleatly get what you mean and what you are saying. Ive tried to give him that space, and i think the reason it has really bothered me is because i didnt want it to lead to anything worse, or possibly ruining our relationship, because yes it is something i love the most i am learning to let go of the bad things so that we can move on with life and i hope and pray that he will just get over this and i see that he is slowly stopping this problem. The other reason it makes me worried is because his father is just the same and cheated on his mom and he seems to take after his dad in so many ways... and him and his new wife im pretty sure do the whole "swinger" stuff; and thats a no go for me cause my man is myyyy man lol. BUT im going to take what you said and hope for the best, thank you so much again!!