so i have been dating this guy a little over a month, & we are very crazy about each other... i pretty much love everything about him, & i am not one of those girls that likes to change things about there guy once it starts getting serious, but there is one thing that kind of bugs me about him & that is that he sleeps sometimes up to 13 hours a day & never wants to do anything... This wouldnt bother me at all if we both had seperate jobs & seperate freinds & hobbies but we are backpacking together, which means we plan everything together......i dont want to be a tourist & wake up everyday at 8am to go see sights & take photos, but i dont want to waste each day of this trip waiting for him to wake up.... i am a very energetic person who only needs like 6-8 hrs of sleep & can party alot harder than he can without getting sick...i always look after him but some times i get so damm bored. i feel like he is kind of holding me back a little.....he is a fairly heavy pot smoker & sometimes it takes him forever just to get out of bed & roll a spliff just to get his appetite going..... i have tried doing constructive things to keep me busy, like reading, writing & drawing while he sleeps, but it sucks... i know if i try to talk to him about it, he is going to think im being unreasable & say that i know he has health problems. which to be honest i think he overreacts about, (he suffers anxiety) so theres always something wrong, some reason we have to end the party early, sore head sore tummy heart attack! shit.... he is such a handfull but i really want to make this work...sorry for the long rant
i also never get morning sex, no chance of waking him up for that he gets grumpy when woken up......usually i wait till 3pm & if he isnt up then i wake him up
I don't know what your question is but only you can decide if hes too lazy for you are not. It sounds like you already know anyway.
BORING!!!! you sound like way more fun than he and eventually you will do things without him and then you will become distant, so i would try to talk to him because we all know communication is the key.if he doesn't at least TRY to change i would find someone else to backpack with
I agree and stay away from pot heads! I enjoy smoking a few times a week or so, but can't stand people who wake up and get high or go to work high...blahhhhh. I was with a guy for five years who was a pot head. He had a great career, was super sweet and loyal, but all he wanted to do was smoke pot, gamble, go to vegas or party. Never wanted to go hiking or kayaking or snorkeling and had problems when I went with other people because I wasn't spending that time with him...gggggrrrrrr. Unless he wants to make a serious effort (and I mean he really puts effort in rather than just getting better at hiding things from you) I would leave before you waste anymore time.
I was with a pothead too and to be honest, I've never been with anyone that wasn't a pothead but exactly what are you getting in return for acting like this guy's mother? If you bugs you within a month, it will probably keep bugging you further on. Granted, the guy has problems with anxiety and is obviously addicted to pot if he can't function without it but that's not an excuse to act like his nursemaid. He has bigger problems that you can't fix. The only way to deal with it is to resign yourself as a caretaker because it sounds like that's the role you'll inevitably play. If that's fine with you, then I wish you the best of luck. However, having played "mom" in a relationship before, the role quickly becomes tiresome especially when nothing is being offered in return.
thanks for the advice but i think i love him, thats the problem, what do you do when you fall in love with someone, but there is something about them that really bugs you, i really dont think i can talk to him about this stuff cos he thinks im having a go at him & gets really defensive, he says he hates how i say im bored all the time
I've noticed that when people are in love, what would normally be a dealbreaker becomes tolerable. Like for example, I can't stand smokers. The ashtray smell and the time they waste out of each day as they slowly kill themselves drive me insane. I've made a boyfriend quit. However the most significant relationship I've had was with a smoker and while I hated the act, I could tolerate him doing it. What was normally the last straw was merely an obstacle. This does not sound like the case for you. While you may love this guy to a certain extent, it does not sound like you love him enough to even out his faults. While in every relationship there is a period of boredom and stagnation, it should not be within a month. He doesn't appear to be very proactive in attempting to work at the relationship and you appear to be working more than you should in a relationship. The two people involved should be willing to meet halfway otherwise you have an unbalanced pair. You can drag this out for as long as you want, but if things don't change, you will only become more frustrated and unhappy and he will only lose himself into pot to get away from you. I've been there and I know how difficult it is when you care for and about someone who's simply unable to do the same thing. If things don't improve, you may consider letting this one go.
You live with their faults. Everyone has them. Some you can live with if everything else is good and some are dealbreakers but you decide that. People for the most part don't change.
so he can say he hates that you say you are bored, but you are not allowed to express that you are displeased with any aspect of him? That's not right.
yesterday i said i was bored & that i would like to be more productive with our time, he said he felt bad that i was bored with him & said that he was keen to do more, so i guess we are sort of comming to an understanding, i guess i was a little harsh on him... i mean when im single i tend to make use of my own time doing all kinds of things but when im in a relationship i have the tendency to expect the other person to entertain me & then i complain to them when theres nothing to do.....so i guess its my fault too, he is a good boy & i hope we can work around each others faults, it seems like we had a few bad arguments the last few weeks even though we havent been toegther that long which kind of made me feel like it was going downhill so early, but lastnight he explained to me that there is no such thing as perfect in a relationship & that all couples have to go through a stage of discovering each others faults, i mean it was a weird sitch cos we met on the internet on a travel forum like a year ago & we talked so much & decided to do this trip together, i had some unrealistic expectations about him being as wild & adventurous as i am....
As long as there is an attempt to make it work on both sides, then it gives the relationship a fighting chance. The problems arise when there's one or both parties that don't take responsibility for the relationship. I do hope things improve for you both. The high expectations are so common with online set ups. People tend to see the best and are usually unprepared for the worst. Although I think that's common for every new relationship, it tends to be heightened when people meet online. However it's not the end of the world, just another adjustment.
I think your mate has a serious problem. Even my boyfriend was in the same situation. When we met, everything was perfect we had sex. But with time, I think, after one month we did not had sex though we were living together....no hugs, no kisses. I talked to him, he said that he still loved me and there is not any other girl in his life. So, I really did not know why there was this gap between us. With great difficulty, I convinced him that we need help; luckily he agreed to see a doctor and the latter told him to use Caverject. Have you heard about it? you can read about it on this page http://www.drugdelivery.ca/s3366-s-CAVERJECT.aspx i hope that you are cured. best of luck
umm thanx plumtaste but theres nothing wrong with his manhood, the sex we have is amazing, infact its the best ive ever had, we definatly have strong chemistry, i think we just need to get around these personality differences, i mean i was once diagnosed with ADHD, so i guess i am a person that needs to be doing things all the time or i can get really disgruntled & go crazy, & he is a person that loves to relax & do nothing......that is our main problem & it is proving to be a challenge travelling together, cos i feel like we are wasting all our days & not being adventurous enough
