Hopefully this causes offence to no one, but here it goes. I'm gay and whether by sheer coincidence or I've got some invisible "bi guys, date me" sign on my head, I happen to have been with about 4 bi guys so far, by that I mean date for about 6 months or more. It usually all starts out good then ends up the same which is: "I'm not sure I can be with a guy anymore, and will prefer to pursue a ltr and settle down with a woman". All the guys were not fuckbuddies, we talked about relationship stuff during dates, and I made it clear what I really was looking for is a stable relationship. The break-ups kinda hurt as it made me wonder if I did something that made them think the gay side of their life would be too hard to continue. All of them ending the relationship for the other team made me kinda think gay relationships are somehow worth less in value than straight ones. Anyways, this experiences have kinda scarred me, and I'll admit I have a bit of biphobia against bisexual guys when it comes to relationships as I feel they only use the gay side of them to get their rocks off and will easily switch side to the "white picket fence, front lawn and a wife and kids mentality" when it suits them. Now I've met a guy who's bi, seems very interested and persistent, and I've numerously turned him down because as far as I'm concerned, bi guys are really not worth the effort when it comes to a stable male relationship. I don't know if I can take the plunge into dating another bisexual guy again as I wouldn't wanna enter a relationship where I'll be insecure and checking behind my back, if he decides not to be gay anymore. Thoughts? Advice? And a question for bisexuals, do you feel EQUALLY about both sides or does the thought of sex with the same gender turn you on, but a committed relationship repulses you? And why? Thanks
Every Bi guy is different, just like every straight guy and every gay guy. I, for one, would love to be in a committed relationship with a guy (as opposed to being with one for a while only to break up). You've just had bad luck, that's all. Keep trying. We're definitely out there, looking for love and not lust. Just keep looking. And don't let it be about sex. Maybe they think that it's about sex because that becomes a part of the relationship too soon. That happens. But really, don't be biphobic. Yeah, it's an extra concern I guess, that one will want to end up in the stereotypical hetero marriage, but there are plenty of excellent, charming, devoted bi guys out there, I swear. Good luck!
As the poster above said, it all depends on the guy. I for one, do not think I could do a relationship with a guy (but I wouldn't bother getting in one either); but there are plenty of guys out there that would, I'm sure. My advice is the same to you, as it would be to any straight girl consistently getting their heart broken. Be more critical of your potential partners, study them well, and most importantly make them earn your trust.
Start considering the effect your environment is having on your relationships. If you live in a very conservative environment, the general constellation is against you and the dudes who would be happy to settle down with you may be having other thoughts due to the external pressure. KD
Like it or not, environment plays an important role in human behavior. This however, does not go on to say that environment or external forces should be blamed for anything. They are a given. It really boils down to you and how you cope with them. KD
As LG says everybody is different - I place myself around 2 on the kinsey scale and feel that emotionally I prefer a woman, but am equally attracted physically to sex with both male and female. I don't feel that I could settle down with a guy full-time though. Good luck Simon
