best T.V. Quotes

" God made man to sew his seed where he may, he made women to limit the crop to one farmer!!!" - frank, everybody loves raymond

"I can lose the weight, you can't lose the stupid" -some commercial on the comedy network

 

"If god didn't want us to eat meat he wouldn't made animals outa it"


"never trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die"

 

"up your nose with a rubber hose" -Vinny (Welcome Back Kotter)

 

"I have the strength of a bear that has the strength of two bears" ~marco, Sealab
"Hesh wants some sex" ~Hesh, sealab

 

"If I pick, do I not bleed" Jerry Seinfeld (i think thats what he says

 

"your giving me the 'Its not you its me'! I invented that line! if it's anybody its ME!!" -george, sienfeld

 

That ones Awesome!

and this too

[talking about being on the dating scene]
Estelle Costanza : Well, I'm out there.
George Costanza : No, you're not.
Estelle Costanza : Yes I am.
George Costanza : No, you're not! Because I'm out there, and if I see *you* out there, there's not enough voltage in the universe to electroshock me back into coherence.

 

[Kramer gave blood to Jerry]
Jerry : I can feel his blood in my body, borrowing things from my blood.

 

The all time best Seinfeld Quote!!


Jerry talking to George:

I don't even want to talk about it anymore. What were you thinking? What was going on in your mind? Artistic integrity? Where, where did you come up with that? You're not artistic and you have no integrity. You know you really need some help. A regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you. You need to go to like Vienna or something. You know what I mean? You need to get involved at the University level. Like where Freud studied and have all those people looking at you and checking up on you. That's the kind of help you need. Not the once a week for eighty bucks. No. You need a team. A team of psychiatrists working round the clock thinking about you, having conferences, observing you, like the way they did with the Elephant Man. That's what I'm talking about because that's the only way you're going to get better.

 

time for the festivous test of might~jerry stiller-Seinfeld

 

Mr. Burns: You're fired.
Marge: You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm gonna sue the pants off of you.
Mr. Burns: You don't have to sue me to get my pants off.

 

LOL! i remember seeing that on some show...dont remember which. lol someone said it referring to women and their periods. that was so funny.

 

everybody loves raymond:

Marie: shut your mouth before you eat!!
Frank: shut your mouth before you talk!!

 

it was on south park, mr garrison.

 

SERENITY NOW!!!!

 

indeed

 

I LOVE FAMILY GUY QUOTES.
Peter Griffin : Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a fat white guy who is threatened by change.

(Talk Show)

Guy- "I've got something i need to tell you. I'm not really a man, im a woman."

*pulls of man costume*

Girl- "Oh my god you a woman?"

Guy- "No, im not really a woman, im a horse."

*pulls of woman costume*

Girl- "Oh my god you a horse?"

Guy- "No, im not really a horse, i'm a broom."

*Broom falls over*

LAWYER: Aunt Margarite left you both something in her will
PETER: Oh! C'mon, big bucks, big bucks, no whammy's STOP!

Peter : I've been watching television so much the shows are starting to run together.
Announcer : [For Homicide: Life on Sesame Street] This show contains adult content, and is brought to you by the letter H.
Bert: [Answering phone] Hello? Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.
[Gets out of bed and gets dressed]
Bert: Some poor bastard got his head blown off down at a place called Hooper's.
Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.
Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the DAMN BED.
Ernie: Bert, you're shouting again, Bert.

 

I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about "protectin' the earth" and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets - I hate 'em! I wanna kick 'em in the nuts! --Cartman.

 

Yea and God said to Abraham, "You will kill your son Issac." And Abraham said, "I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone." And God said, "Oh I'm sorry, Is this better? Check, check, check... Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here."

 

Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.