Best friend whom I love.

Close thread please.

 

Tell her how you feel, and if it doesn't go in your favour, disconnect.

 

As much as I want to agree with this, I recently followed this advice. It didn't go in my favor.

I spent the last week, alone and upset at myself for making such an ultimatum, and I still don't know if I made the right choice. I'm meeting him for dinner tonight to talk, so we'll see how things go.

It's a really tough decision, because if she chooses her bf, it's going to be a lonely road after wards. If your going to go through with it, you're going to need to be strong to deal with everything that follows.

Ask yourself this: can you move on now? Do you think that you can be in a relationship with someone else while still being friends with this girl? If so, I would recommend that. If you feel you're going to lose (like I did) then maybe it would be best to keep a friend while you attempt to move on.

You understand the situation better than any of us, so we can't tell you what would be best. It might take time, but just think: if you can love someone as much as you love this girl, then there is a good chance that you will feel that way again. Don't give up on that.

 

maybe you should start thinking more about sex...

if anything, think about how you can improve your life, not hers.


beyond that, i agree with dragonvine. keeping her on as a friend will just be really painful, and prevent you from moving on.

 

Absolutely, definately do that. Honesty goes a long way with people. Tell her exactly what you wrote in your post, tell her how you've always felt about her but never said because you didn't want to risk losing her as a friend. Tell her that she's the most important person in your life. Tell her it all.

If it doesn't go your way it will hurt like hell. But that pain will go away after awhile. The sting of regret if you were to never say anything could last a lifetime.

Besides, whether you think so or not, something will eventually give. You'll only be able to suppress your feelings and pretend to be happy for her with her current boyfriend for so long. If you were to remain friends with her it'll just boil under the surface until one day it comes up in a manner in which you might not want it to (a fight with her). With that in mind I'd say it's likely just a matter of time until your feelings come out; now or later. At least now you have more control over them.

 

close thread please

 

Can I move on now? Absolutely not, I've been trying for 2 1/2 years.
Do I think I could be in a relationship with somebody else while still being friends with her? I designated almost a entire year trying to do this, even girls who are really attractive, I have no interest in. At all.
Been attempting to move on too long. It hasn't worked then and it's only gotten worse.

As I am expecting the worst, the main thing I hate about this is.

No more best friend. inevitable, but it's the worst outcome of it.

I'll be that asshole of a ex best friend who stopped talking to me because I didn't have feelings for him. Her brother is also one of my best friends. But I don't think he would care too much if I fucked out our friendship (girl and I). I'm certain he has known that I've felt this way about her for a long time, even though I never discussed it with him directly.

 

There's no need to feel that way. We're all people, some of who have had similar experiences.

Something you left out; you said you told her how you feel twice before but you never mentioned how she reacted. Did she not share your feelings? If so then you have your answer and I'd recommend you either keep her as a good friend only, or move on altogether. People we care for are hard to move on from but it's something that everyone does at some point(s) throughout their life.


Edit: I've just read your post above. If you've tried for that long to keep her as a friend while dating other women and have had no success, then I hate to say it but unless you tell her how you feel and she feels the same and it works out, you'll likely have to lose her altogether.

 

I agree with lunaverse. If you told her already, and she decided to stay with her boyfriend, it would probably be best to move on. You said yourself that after 2.5 years of trying to move on with her in your life isn't working. If you want to move on from this, you're going to have to make a drastic decision: leaving her behind in your life. I know she makes you happy, but at the end of the day, she's really making you miserable.

Explain the situation to her, I"m sure she'll understand. Take a break from her in your life: set a goal of not communicating for maybe 4 months. If you still feel the same way: increase the time. If you find this time alone helping and you get to the point where you feel comfortable enough to talk/see her without your feelings returning and ruining your progress, then see her. If not, then don't look back and move forward with your life.

 

close thread please

 

But what about now? Does she know that you still feel that way?

 

Perhaps that's why she made it obvious a few months ago, because she knew that you liked her. It's much easier to come onto someone when you know already that they like you. The threat of rejection is eliminated so it's much easier.


I'd tell her very soon how you feel about her man, straight up.


Also, the fact that she's back with her ex boyfriend is in your favour, somewhat. Most times when people "give it another try," it never lasts, usually not for very long either. One of them will soon likely realize why they stopped dating the other in the first place.

I wouldn't wait for that though, being a rebound is definately no good.

 

close thread please

 

Just be chill about it, be yourself. People don't like going to meet someone when it seems confrontational or like it's going to be heavy.

Be light, ask her if she wants to hang out. Go somewhere private, but somewhere she'll feel comfortable if she wants to leave. I don't recommend doing this in your bedroom. If she doesn't like what you say she'll feel uncomfortable. If you don't like what she says you'll be in the very uncomfortable position of having to ask her to leave.


Good luck

 

close thread please

 

Right on, good choice man.


Talk to her somewhere where y'all feeling comfortable expressing yourselves, but also somewhere y'all are free to leave if you should be inclined to do so.


And remember not to make it sound like you have something real heavy to talk about, that'll just freak her out.

 

let us know how it goes. w00t w00t.

 

close thread please

 

close thread please

 

Maybe yea. Perhaps she'll like you more after spending that time with you. You could also try to be super nice to her, try to swoon her a little throughout the season, then tell her how you fell at the end of it. She might feel the same by then, if she doesn't already. Plus there's a better chance she'll be tired of her current/ex-boyfriend by then.