Hi all It's been a while since i've posted here. I'll explain my situation, Please let me know if any of you might pick up on something, or if you have some thoughts to lend. Lately, for the past several months or so, I've just got this bad feeling, like anxiety, but for really long periods of time. As if, if i keep associating with the person that i've been hanging around lately, nothing good will come of it. As much as i like and respect and think this person is interesting, i can't help but just get bad vibes. And i feel it all the time, even now, stomach tight. Maybe i should explain about him. I met him 3 or 4 moths ago. SInce then we;ve become pretty close. I was initially attracted to him because i considered (and still do but not to the same extent) that we are the same breed of people, if that makes sense. By that i mean, slightly eccentric with an emphasis on sincerity. Some of you will know what i mean, you can tell easily when you meet people like you, if you are like that. We dated for a while, but he was just, stressing me out, constantly. (I could go in to all the crazy detail if needed, but i wasn't sure if it was appropriate) He was, and still is really really in love with me, and i just had to get out of there. I was explaining this to a friend actually when i experience d my first panic attack. It was so bad, i thouhgt that i was going to die. So i broke up with him. And he wouldn't let me do it. It went on for hours of him purposely missunderstanding me, and then he couldn't keep doing that. So he started saying things like that he was gong to kill the next person i was with, and lots of crazy things like that. So, yeah, i was dying to get out of that situation. And once i did, as terrible as i felt that i hurt him, i felt relieved and healed, and actually kind of happy. A part of me missed him though. After that we hadn't talked for about a month, and then we started talking again last week. He apologized and said how he didn't mean what he said, and i apologized that i hurt him. It's just this bad, bad feeling. Does anyone pick up on anything? Thank you
You've said everything you need to know, but you can't see it. You're too close to the situation. It's simple: You did right breaking it off. DO NOT under any circumstances go back to any semblance of a relationship with him. Accept his apology, apologize yourself, be nice, but be firm, get out the same way you did the first time: The relationship doesn't work for you even the second time, even though you thought at first that it might, and you don't need to supply any reasons - "it doesn't feel right" is the truth and is sufficient, and you have a right to your feelings, and the right to do what seems best to you, so stand your ground. I would go farther than that - the best thing would be for you to disappear for a few months to another state. If this isn't possible, explain the situation to a female friend and ask to spend most of your waking time at her place for a few months. Or find some other place to take up residence in your waking hours - a public place, like a library, or a restaurant with wi-fi - having mutiple hangouts and using them in random order would be best. I'm sorry, but I don't feel you can treat this as a casual situation. And learn to give more credence and power to these feelings of yours.
I think you need to listen to the warnings, the red flags you already have ... anyone who actually says things like "I'll kill the next person you're with", and the purposely missunderstanding me' bit,... is gonna be trouble. He sounds quite manipulative, probably mostly unconciously. Sounds to me like someone who could become dependent on you in a bad way and even turn against you ... volatile basically. So there's a recognition, a familiarity ... some people we sometimes feel are like us, ...speak the same language, a soul mate even but i believe that if one person can be a soul mate then everyone can. Just be careful and do the right thing by you both as you see it ... and remember if it's something real like love and respect and sharing you're looking for, then ask yourself if you want that and consider if he is capable of that right now? If he's not? ... then don't hold it against him and let go permanently unless you think you could be a friend to him ... but that could be difficult if he's attatched to you. The void in your stomach and the panic attacks ... to me, say you're giving away your power to this guy, like you've lost yourself to him and lost your self, your center in the process. He's fucked with your head and maybe you feel you don't know what's true and what's not? Well don't listen to anyone but your self. But anyway i've been there, it all sounds familiar ... the challenging relationship, the pit in the stomach, the panic attacks, the eventual seeing sense and letting go. *hint*
Thank you both. It's true, i'm too close to the situation so i couldn't see it clearly. Wonderful advice from this forum, as usual
