Bad Night In The Mountains!

The Blue Mountains of Kentucky are far and deep. Not unlike the degeneracy found in the minds of the areas general populace.

I lack a fondness for Southern trash beginning that side of the Ohio River and including a good many of the bastards this side as well.

All the shit and piss of a bad night on the town eventually finds it's way into the aforementioned great muddy waterway so in effect the smell of the stream rising from same in the early morning hours is often confused with the stench of ham and eggs fat boy style.

Country fried bullshit on a paper plate is a common dish served high in the mountainous region of the "Great Cucumber Mountains".

Bring money or get run out of town by the local nosepicking motherfuckers is a good chunk of advice. Believe me I know for I once tried to bum a plate without any degree of satisfying effect.

 

I left that morning arriving that night. I didn't intend nor did I wish to remain in those piss forgotten hills longer than it took to fill the tank with cheap fuel.

The sign inviting all to a free country buffet caught my attention like a prick caught in a zipper. I eased my way across the hyway and into the driveway of the late night restaurant.

"Hey!" I said to a 300 pound white trash who slowly grunted his way this way from the diner. "What's that free country buffet all about anyway?"

 

The bananna split special at the white trash haven across the road from cheap fuel should not be accepted on the terms of the filthy pigs pouring the beer and frying the eggs and bacon.

 

I attribute the formation of personal attitude regarding fat pink hillbilly hawgs to the fact that as a child I quite often visited the pig barn at the Ohio State Fair and on several occasions caught an accidental glimpse of 300 pound pig farmers showering.

 

The morning brought blessed relief from the overnight agony of a cheap motel room with an even cheaper whore.

I'm not sure how I got there although I believe it had something to do with the free all you can eat country buffet for the last thing I remember before vomiting in the bathroom sink several minutes after awaking was a plate before my face smelling of fish, chicken and assorted beef by-products including a runny and lumpy gravy spooned over instantanious mashed potatoes served lumpy, cold and in a seperate bowl.

 

I had a vague memory of fornicating with a strange looking prostitute although no sign of her presence remained. Not even the lingering of cheap perfume or vaginal funk within the confines of the single occupant motel room walls.

Perhaps it was all nothing more than a sickening sweet nightmare full of graphic imagery and nocturnal ejaculations.

I checked the contents of my pockets in order to assure myself that all was still intact. I calculated the price of yesterdays fill up and deducted it from the $165.00 I brought along for travel expenses.

I had about $3.76 left and two thousand more miles of road to cover.

Something wasn't right and nothing seemed clear.

Was I finally losing my mind after all these years?

 

You forgot to mention how tempting white trash is before it goes to seed! You know- what you see isn't always what you got! I like your road diary but ya shure doo have an ate-i-tood.

 

After the buffet I wandered around back of the all night cafe in order to regain my bearings and consider what brought me to the State of Kentucky in the first place before beginning the trip back across the hyway to rent a sick little diseased bed between four walls stained with the activities of assorted traveling circus freaks and prostituted farm girls.

About an hour later as I lay in bed staring blankly at the strange formations of stains on the walls and ceilings I slowly drifted off into an uncomfortable, tormented sleep full of the usual wandering images of drifting shadows and swirling bubbles of past experiences and forgotten influence.

I tried to keep my mind away from thoughts of fornication for I knew that in the morning such an encounter with one of the crotch scratching local farm whores would leave me feeling dirtied and sweaty and discusted by my own carnal desires and filthy thoughts regarding female genitalia.

 

Around 5:30 am I awoke and began to prepare myself for the long journey South and then West.

Before falling into a trance like sleep the evening before I viewed several minutes of lesbian pornography on the motel television pay per view system. I fell asleep accidentally allowing the television to play though the night. In the morning the desk clerk informed my that the bill for the pay per view service came to $378.63.

"I fell asleep Goddamn it! I didn't mean to leave the fucking TV on all night! Goddamn it, I'm a Christian!"

 

Things went from bad to good in short order if in fact you are described by the great bird in the sky as being of a self torturing nature. 40 miles down the road I pulled off the hyway in order to avoid pissing in the bottle I brought along for emergency purposes only.

The ass backwards nature of the local nature was enhanced by green/blue/yellow and a thousand variations of the in between. All in all my day mellowed and dripped into a decent mode after I had put several miles between myself and the all night buffet.

I had no complaints and no praise. Only a solitary realization of the type of toilet stall
degenerates found in that particuliar neck of the woods.

 

Luckily I found in the motel attendant a compassionate way regarding my Christian upbringing. I'm sure he understood the gravitational pull of vice and virtue although he did not specify such an understanding I knew in my contaminated heart of hearts he was fully aware that God cares for all sinners.

In not so many words I cursed the satanic Christ and secretly held no real faith in his so called powers.

The billboard on the right side of the hyway promised a good time for a reasonable price exit 327.