This is a poem I wrote that is totally opposite to my last one and not very positive I’m afraid !! Its about those times when you try to convince yourself that your happy, but you know something is not right and a low point will get you sooner or later and the fact that no matter how positive you try to be the rest of the time, when a low point comes you forget everything you know and let it win ! Despair I see an old ruin, under the sun and blue sky,I stopped for a minute and then walked on by,But curiosity got me and I had to turn back,So I walked right over and stared through crack. After one glance, what do I see ? Its was a hostile beast staring back at me,I jumped back with fear, and I made a sound,I saw it flinch, then its paws hit the ground. I turned and I ran and so the chase began.I was in a ghost town, and the sun just fell down. I hear a crash and the bricks start to fly,Theres a hole in the wall and through the beast dives.With a presence like thunder and slits for eyes,Its opens it mouth and revels it’s teeth like knifes. I’m running and running and I’m out of breath,This thing can sense fear, and I can sense death.I feel myself tremble and I know I cant win,I start to shiver as my legs give in. I’m on the ground and my back feels wet,All my past knowledge I start to forget,Its claws slashed right through me,and the blood seeps down my back,I close my eyes and all turns to black.
i like this poem, and i'm not usually a rhyming fan..."the sun just fell down," and "a presence like thunder" are great lines...anyway...can i make a suggestion? let the poem speak for itself...you dont need to preview your poetry, it's strong enough on it's own, we'll get the metaphor, dont worry...
Yeah I write a lot of poetry that doesn’t rhyme aswell, but I had writers block for a painfully long time and I’m just getting back into it so I find it flows more easily when it rhymes for now ?! Thanks for the advice though ! And thanks to you too Jack Maundrell, I really appreciate any feedback I get !
