another 27

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by winter skye dream, Dec 5, 2005.

  1. winter skye dream

    winter skye dream Member

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    ok so this one is posted somewhere else on this hipforums site and i probly put it in the wrong place cuz people have looked at it and nobody has commented on how bad it was or wat i need to fix or anything so i think this is the place for it.



    so i wrote a song yesterday....my friends said it was good but they dnt understand it cuz none of em know wat the 27 curse is...and i also think they r just being nice... so i just wnt some feed back even if it isnt a good comment. i am open to any suggestions on how to make my writing better. i wnt b afended in anyway. iv'e just started this writing thing so any help is good.

    Another 27
    Chorus
    Here’s a tale of a loveless man
    A man I knew, o so sad
    For days and days he wept on and on
    Then he discovered his baby was gone
    Verse 1
    He had forgotten the days and nights
    He had spent with other men’s wives
    When he was lost and alone
    To the cat house he would go
    Fun had turned into crime
    Drug possession he did for his time
    (chorus)
    Verse 2
    Night after night, show after show
    He followed his dream carelessly unknown
    So with nothing to do
    He strummed his guitar as it went out of tune
    Eyes blazed, needles and bongs
    Wasting away to his selfish song
    (chorus)
    Verse 3
    The man I knew loveless struck
    Depression is an evil cult
    Nothing to do and nothing to see
    He just faded away from the rock n’ roll scene
    Another 27 has joined the club
    Wasted away with drugs

    ending verse

    (change guitar for few lines- talk nxt lines)
    self centered thoughts and
    depression taunts
    rockers life styles is a little nuts
    (guitar solo fades-end of song)
     
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