If i'm angry at someone for some harm they've done me, is it my ignorance that makes me suffer in anger, and is the nager self indulgent becuase in truth, the other person is also suffering and by being angry im forgetting that suffering exists everywhere, and im not the only one to feel it. Therefore. im ingnorant in being angry becuase that indulgent emotion on suffering only leads to more suffering. So what are tips for breaking the cycle of anger induced suffering?. When we forgive someone are we forgiving them to feel better...and not suffer from anger.. or are we forgiving them because they are suffering, and they have been caused harm by others who have suffered at the hands of anger.... big circle.. how to get out of that trap??
I always just remember how small we all are in this infinite universe, and how little time we get in this go-round. Considered against the scale of infinity, any anger related problem seems completely silly and insignificant.
I like to remember that anger is the result of attachment more specifically anger is the result of attachment to an idea of reality that differs from the actual reality..give up any model or expectation of the way things should go and let go of sorrow
To end this cycle is to begin anew. Whether or not you are forgiving someone out of your own desire for alleviation, or for compassion, this is a question only you can answer. You must see yourself honestly. Observe what you are doing, not as how you desire your actions to be, but as they are. To end this cycle is to begin anew, and to begin anew is to learn what is old. What has been done, what are you trapped in? Are you continuing this cycle yourself? What must be done to stop it? To discover what has no yesterday, what is alive and fresh in this moment, compassionate and creative, born infinite and beyond time, is to be free from this cycle of suffering.
One must realize that the cycle of anger merely begets more anger but that by realizing that we're all human and given to letting our emotions run wild we can have compassion and try to serve our species and its best interests rather than our selfish and narrow pointed desires. For instance, at my job lets say that the manager slights me and I decide to get him back by sticking a spoke in the works. If the situation is sufficiently ferocious I can maybe actually stop the entire place from functioning, but guess what? I will have also put myself and other innocents out of a job. However if I let it slide and maybe even serve the person who slighted me I can generate a good will from my peers which will make that person look like an ass. By maintaining the high ground my opponent loses face until they are no longer powerful any longer. The only way out of anger is to serve the greater good and then the situation is lost in the greater picture where it proceeds to the background instead of the foreground as it had been.
The ignorance is not realizing that you are the one creating your anger. Not the other person. You create your anger by clinging to the feelings. When you experience a sensation you attach a feeling to that sensation of either liking or not liking (or neither-liking-nor-not-liking). You crave feelings and therefore you cling to them because you cannot let them go. In clinging to them you create (or give rise to) the next conscious moment ... there is the ignorance. Why do you become angry? Expectations! Buddha said "... not getting what one wants is suffering; in short, the five aggregates of clinging is suffering." Expectations lead to disappointments. Sustained disappointments lead to impatience. Sustained impatience leads to anger. Sustained anger leads to hatred. Sustained hatred leads to fighting, killing, murder, war, extinction. Let go of the wanting ... let go of the expectations ... cling instead to wholesome types of feelings such as Loving-Kindness (metta), Compassion (karuna), Sympathetic Joy (mudita), and Equanimity (upekkha). Clinging to these sublime states of mind (Brahmavihara) will uproot the cycle of anger by eliminating expectations.
