An Explanation Of Me

This is an explanation of me, my beliefs and the reasons I act certain ways at certain times. You don't have to enjoy it or read it it's your choice. This might offend some people and I apologize a head of time if I do affend you. This might be a little long so I might have to put it in multiple post so if it ends suddenly don't worry! I'm still working on it. I don't care if you guys like it but I feel I need to explain myself.

My handle, screenname or whatever you want to call it is Peace. Why is it Peace? Because it's one thing I can truly hold on too. Now I know sometimes I'm not verbally peaceful which in my eyes is just as bad as not being physically peaceful, but I'll get to that later. If you want to know my real name is Tyler Wayne. I don't care if you know because someday you'll hear about me. I don't know what for but you'll hear about me. Now if you hear in the news someone called Jesus that might be me too. I've decided to change my name to Jesus which is a funny story which I'll also get to later.

My story starts in eighth grade, the last year of middle school right befcore I go to high school. At this time I wasn't popular, but I had friends. I was doing bad at school and was plain miserable. I hate to say but I did think of suicide. Now want to hear something sick? My mind didn't think of suicide in the sense of ending my life to due problems, but at this time I felt the only way I could make an impact to anyone was suicide. Now my mind was closed. I was outside that glorious forest and couldn't figure anything out. My academics weren't doing good either. I felt the need to be goth. Now I say this but I mean it in a different way. I didn't actually intend to be "goth", but I wore and had my mom buy basically everything black. Around Christmas my parents sat me down and we had a long talk. After Christmas I stopped wearing things that were black and tried to change my mindset.

Sadly, I started wearing everything skater! I wanted to hang out with the skater people and have that kind of glory, but the only thing that I could do well at on the skateboard was a primo which was ironically my favorite move (probably because it's the only thing I could do). Now if you're starting to see a pattern you probably are. I didn't realize it at that time but I do now. Our species as humans depends on groups. We don't always mean it but we tend to try to adapt to a group for whatever purposes. Like I said at that time I didn't realize it. But also during that last semester I found a new idle. We're good friends now but at that time I just wanted to be his friends. I learned that he smoked the glorious herb. I did not. So I pretended to. I did this up until about September of the same year (my first freshman semester). I know it's a horrible thing, but I thought that I was doing something good. I mean I was getting a little closer to be friends with this great guy. The problem is I tried to be friends in the totally wrong way. I tried to convince everyone that I smoked. I really ever talked about actually smoking, but I would try to look stoned.

Sometime near the end of summer and the beginning of freshman year I was downloading music as normal. You see music is the one thing that keeps me together. I listen to a diverse range of music and some of this might be due to my constant change. Well you see I downloaded some Pink Floyd. I knew nothing except that I liked the song. If I remember correctly, I had Time, Breathe and I think I had Dirty Woman. That last one might not be right but it comes to my mind as to what I had.

I'll continue on a new post.

 

Nobody cares.
I feel so bad for you, though. Wasting your time typing all of that. You must really have no life.

 

god damn!! i was gonna type the same thing again!!! this sure is one weird night.

sorry peace, ill read it later

 

Hahahahahahahahaha! Damn, we're so cool, Chuck!

 

us two and nathan have made like 300 posts a day each these last couple of nights, lmao!

 

Now this might be why so many people love Pink Floyd. Because they speak to a wide variety of people. So I talked to my mom in the car one night coming home from Best Buy or Wal-Mart. "Yeah, I heard this song by a group called Pink Floyd and I was wondering if you or dad have any other music like that?". You see at this time I didn't even realize what great music my parents listened to. So I get home and look through their cd's. I missed almost all of the great cd's they had that I listen to today. I found two cd's; both cd's were by Led Zeppelin. Now this time school had started and for some reason I still had the urge to be friends with Ryan. This is probably one of the things that has made my like I am today. Well one of the cd's was missing but the other was there. What great Zeppelin album was I listening to? Perhaps one of the best, Led Zeppelin IX (Four). I had my dad take me to Best Buy a week later and I bought more cd's. Sadly I only bought Pink Floyd (Dark Side of the Moon) and more Led Zeppelin (One, Two and Three). I eventually had the mindset of "becoming a hippe". It's hard to describe those passive people in the 60's and 70's called hippies. Maybe I wanted to "become" one because they looked so damn happy.

I hate to say I tried to become a "hippie". I changed my beliefs, actually went to a Hippy site (the one that this forum is connected to) and read up on hippies. I joined The Hip Forums by the name of t_wayne. To me I felt like I was becoming a hippie. I started listening to more music, but I still mainly only listened to Led Zeppelin. I started growing my hair out again and bought tye-dye Zeppelin shirts off of Ebay. I transformed my beliefs into the beliefs of that of a stereotypical hippie. I was passive, did drugs (or so people thought, note at this time I was still faking it sadly), wore tye-dye, listened to classic rock and eventually dropped Christianity.

I finally had the chance to smoke with my idle Ryan. One of his friends (a big dealer and soon to be one of my good friends) had moved two houses down. Ryan often smoked over there and even I knew it. I told Ryan that I was interested in buying weed. Now I had told him that my sister hooked me up from colleges. I told him that she gave me pre-rolled joints in a plastic bag and I had hid them under my pillow. Now I didn't want to act like a complete fool so I went online and looked up types of weed. Little did I know that I was looking up strains no types of weed. I even downloaded a video showing how to smoke (it showed how to use a bong which was really no help to me).

Continued in next post.

 

Hahahaha. I know.

What a weirdo...300 posts a day each the last couple of nights. Mwuahahahaha...share those drugs!

 

Ryan went online (at the neighbor's house which I didn't know at the time) and invited me to smoke. He told me to go to this guy's house so I did. I wore my Bong (by Billabong) sweatshirt to make myself cool (you must forgive the way I acted). I went over there and attempted to smoke. This guy had a glass sherlock. I had no clue what was going on, but I tried to act normal. I have a feeling Ryan knew I had never smoked, but he never and still hasn't said anything about it. I don't think I got high because I totally used the clearhole wrong. But I thought I was high. I went home watched televison (I have a TV in my room). My mom had no idea I was high, but that was probably because I wasn't. I chilled in my room and kept asking myself, "So this is what it's like to be high.". I felt good. Over time I wore more tye-dye, smoked more herb, gradually diversed into more music, and started actually hanging out with Ryan.

Now at this time I had aquired many friends at school. I know what you're thinking. "Oh, so the fake hippie bastard made drug friends. Good for him." But no, I feel like I need to point this out. The commercials and teachers always say that drugs will only make you friends who also did drugs. Funny thing is that the weed (even though not properlly smoked yet) wasn't making me the friends. I was actually making myself a better person. How do I know? I made friends with everyone. I honestly don't know what hapened but something did. I was making friends with the "nerds", the "popular people", the "stoners", the "anti-drug" people and even the "sluts" if you say. I was feeling good.

Now by December, if I can remember correctly, my attendence, if you wish to put it that way, from the Hip Forums was dropping. Yes I had made friends (Stephanie) and idles (Gibson a.k.a. --love--), but I just got bored you could say. I wasn't posting much, but I would post something every couple of weeks or months. At this time I truly was a pot-head and I felt great. I did many diverse activities. Bowling (which I had started the year before), tennis, the usual basketball, football occasionally and hocky on nice days. I had quit some bad habits and I thought my life was doing pretty good. I wasn't "popular" but I felt like I was friends with most everyone and very little people hated me.

Now my God (not really but you get my point) Ryan quit using pot to prove to his mom that he could quit whenever he wanted. Now at this time Ryan was probably smoking the most in our grade. He was amazing at everything though. He ran cross-county (I don't know how), he was an amazing guitarist infact make that an amazing musician and was a great guy. We both essentially became buddhist.

Now he had quit and at the same time him, the guy next door, and his older brother (two years older) had a great plan. To grow pot. Now the only reason I found out was because I was talking to them about growing pot myself and eventually they told me.

Continued on next post.

 

my names wayne too! your tweaking arent you?

 

Now Ryan had started to grow in his basement. His parents were cool though. Or so he thought. He knew his dad wouldn't care because he was a former potheatd himself and the only reason (or maybe not the only) he quit was because he was on probation (we don't need to go into that). Now he thought he could keep his mom away. He though that would be easy because he was growing in his basement's former weight room. Well eventually his mom saw them and instantly knew it was pot. My grow at the time consisted of inexperiance and milk jugs. Somehow though even though my conditions were horrible worse, my plants were amazing. I overwater them, they had no drainage, they light was too far away, I used tap water (which is bad in case you didn't know), and many other things. Ryan on the other hand did everything right, well sort of. Him and his "circle" (the two brothers) had bought a bunch of good items for growing. Hydroponics, a 400 Watt Metal Hilade. They knew that the MH light was for vegatative growth and they planned to buy a HPS for blooming. He was good friends, you could say, with the Hydroponics store's owner and recieved help from her too. He printed a feeding schelude and bought a thermometer (which also measures humidity) and everything else they needed.

Well since his mom found out, she made him move or kill all the plants. His idea was to move them to my house. I had always said my closet was a perfect place for growing. We packed it all into the older brother's car and drove it to my house. We emptied my closet and set-up the plants. We didn't even know of the shcok that could have happened at the time. Now Ryan had made one mistake. He always had people over and more people started finding out. Once the plants were at my house I was scared of everyone knowing (which is ironic because for some reason I wan't everyone to know). The plants had become an obsession. I would stay up three to four nights in a row on Overgrow researching about plants, the hydroponics, and other important stuff. I also joined the forums there and started posting a lot on those forums.

Continued on next post. Hope you're either enjoying this or learning about me.

 

what if we're not doing either?

 

my mum says if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all

 

Yea, and your mom can't lick clit for shit. So, we don't pay any attention to her.

 

Hahahaha. You stole what I was going to say!

 

hahaha that is so true

 

you all really scare me sometimes...

 

Well I spent thousands of hours learning about these plants. This is were my friendship started with my nextdoor neighboor. You see since him and his brother were "sponsering" this they often came over to look at the plants. Now they also would smoke me up which was awesome because at the time I was jobless (I'm still jobless but I do job like things for my parents). I had all these great new plans like buying things like dinner so Ryan wouldn't always have to buy dinner for me (that's how great Ryan was, he would always buy me dinner if I was broke). I also planned to use the money for college so that I could help pay for a out of state college. Now what our plan was was for me to grow and the two brothers to sell because at they time they had been selling to most of the school anyways. They could sell ounces of nug (fifty dollars an eighth) in one or two days.

Well at this time I was doing good (or so I thought) in life. I had plenty of friends. In fact I basically was friends with anyone. Yes, even the straight-edge anti-drug people that some "druggies" get irritated with. Even though my social life wasn't great (as in I didn't hang out with too many people on the weekends) I was still busy. I started to sneak out more and it seemed like I was becoming even more of a hippie. But the thing is at this time I was starting to realize something. That I didn't want to be called a hippie. I didn't know how to explain what I was thinking though.

Well eventually those plants died dued to a technical error made by Ryan. The two brothers had started getting upset with Ryan because it seemed like he ditched them. I was still hanging out with him often so I didn't really say much about it. We tried to start the plants again, but we had no seeds. We couldn't order any because of some problems we were having. Now it seems like my life was great at the moment but one thing wasn't doing good. Again my academics weren't doing well.

My parents sat me down again, you see we had been having these chats more often because my grades were starting to drop. But it was due to a number of things. One was my sleeping. A problem that haunts me now was growing due to the fact that I had stayed up so much for the plants. I often stayed up all night. But I had a reason. It was to do my homework. But I have a wierd personality and would always put it off. "Oh I'll do it in thirty-minutes." By the time school started in the morning I was still playing Yahoo Pool with the undone homework.

Continued on next post. Long ain't it?

 

can i lick your nipples?

 

I'm not sure if it was because of the "dope" (as my mom would call it once she found out) or something else but I had become lazy in a bad way. I would either sit in my chair (that pink, totally pimp thirty-five dollar recliner) and watch TV, or read a book, or play Yahoo Pool (which I was starting to become addicted to) or something else, but I would constantly put off my homework. This partially created my bad sleeping schedule and because I often wouldn't even start on it until school, it usually didn't get done and it was a zero in the gradebook. This is the main reason my grades were dropping. You see I'm in the gifted program, the "smart class". Essentially I'm basically a nerd. But I never liked for people to know how smart I am. My testing was excellent, but my homework was awful. Our big test in our freshman year was called the Iowa Test of Basic Skills or something like that. I'm not exactly sure how it's graded but here's my knowledge of it. You are put into a percentile. Ninety-nine is the highest you can get. Like I guess your scored was in the highest group or something so you're in the ninety-nineth percentile (I guess you would have to have to highest score to be in the hundreth, but they still didn't have the hundreth percentile anyways). I had very high scores in all areas except one of the reading sections where I got into one of the seventyth percentile. But my average percintile was about ninety-six I believe.

Well on with my point, I am basically a genious (what all the enrichment teachers have told me as well as my parents) but my grades were slipping so it was concerning my parents. I knew the reason too. It was because of the homework. In Honors Geometry she gave us our average quiz, test and homework score. By the end of the year I believe my test score was about eighty-eight percent, my quiz score was something like eighty-six percent, and my homework score was fifty-four percent. I barely recieved a B in that class but the others I wasn't so lucky. My parents told me with my grades I probably wouldn't be able to go to Washington University like I had wanted to.

I guess I was dissapointed but I kind of saw it coming. We had started up the growing again and I had tried new drugs. Well, I only had tried morning glory twice, mushrooms some odd times that I don't recall, and Adderall XR (as well as Ritalin which I didn't like as much). Near the end of school Adderall became my savior. The first time I did it, I started tweaking in math and eventually stumped the teacher. She asked how I came up with the answer and I could even explain it. I went home and spent the rest of the afternoon (about to ten) working on those damn triangle equations. I might have figured something out but I eventually threw the papers away (yes all thirty of them).

Continued on next post. Writing is fun.

 

At about this time my mind really was opening. I had also really started playing guitar. I had the wierdest reason for craving to learn this instrument though. Around November I had boughten the Led Zeppelin DVD and watching Jimmy play so well made me crave to learn. I had bought the guitar with the help of my Nana and Papa (what I call my grandmother and grandfather on ym mom's side of the family), my Uncle and my parents. It was essentially my christmas present. I had no idea how to play and because at that time I was taking tennis lessons (I later quit) I couldn't afford guitar lessons. Well what I mean is that my mom couldn't really afford them. I planned on using my grow money to pay for lessons. So up until summer I never really did much on it except learn some chords as well as some church songs (using these chords) and some basic tabs.

Well the summer had began. At this time I was and felt like Jesus. I had some two or three foot BOG LSD plants in my backyard as well as two other marijuana plants. One day near the begining of the summer my sister (which I had previously thought was cool with the plants) instructed me to either kill them or she would kill them and tell my parents. We had also started some indo' plants in my closet and she wanted those gone to. I honestly felt horrible. One of the Whos 'Y Daddy was discovered to be a male that day but the other was not. I decided to kill both of them anyways (note that these were my biggest plants). I felt horrible and told my neighoor (also sponser) that they were both found to be male. I eventually moved the LSDs. My sister found them and I gave them to a trusted friend. She didn't know how to grow and even though she had good intentions, she killed them.

Now at this time I was known to about half of the schoo as Jesus. It's kind of a crazy story in itself. One day I thought that Jesus actually was a cool name so I decided to change my name to Jesus. I told it to a couple people in second hour and of course they loved it, as well as the people in philosphy. However, somehow they got they idea that I was Jesus Christ not just Jesus. I thought that this was a good idea so I went by that. It spread around and eventually even teachers knew it. Some I didn't want to know (mainly because they were hard on Christians) but I really didn't care. This is one reason I felt like a God.

Now back to the summer. Most of it I just layed around and watched televison or played on the computer. I also hung out with my friends, some stoners and some just really good friends. The funny thing is that my one best friend was the brother of this guy in my grade. Now he was only one year younger though but he had been my best friend practically all through out my Kansas life. The funny thing is that originally I was friends with his brother (the one in my grade) then started hanging out with the younger one. I guess we just liked more similar things. Well Nick (his name) and I hung out a lot and I started hanging out with one of his friends. Well he was actually both of our friends but Nick tented to hang out with him more. Me and Ian started hacky sacking and jamming on guitar.

Continued on follow post made by me.