am I being used or is he genuine? Please help I'm confused

I've met someone recently, things happened very fast, he asked me to be his girlfriend at first I said slow it down lets get to know each other better, he asked me a few days later again and said he wants to make me really happy. He’s had a really bad car accident and is a bit disfigured but I really like him as a person he has a great personality.
Damn it I gave it a go and said yes, I thought if it doesn't work so be it.

Since then he's been amazing we connect so well he's so affectionate he's already telling me he loves me (I'm well aware guys say what a girl wants to hear but it seems so genuine) takes me out all the time, introduced me to his friends, has told his family about me that live in the country, wants me to meet them. Has a little girl he wants me to meet her, often pays, talks about the future and goes into depth. He's met my younger son I was a little apprehensive because my little one has really taken to him, he fixed his bed bought parts and fixed his DVD player, he wants to meet my older son and has invited him over, he texts/calls at least 8 times a day. I live over 2 hours away but he visits me at my place so I don't have to travel and it won't cost me fuel although I've been there too his house looks masculine it could do with some pretty pictures etc, I didn't say that though

But...
He had a very bad car accident nearly died said he has a soft spot for his ex because she sat with him for weeks in hospital. He said he doesn't want me to financially contribute to his home incase something went wrong with us and he wouldn't have to pay me out.

He's gone to his parents house for Christmas to see his daughter and parents in the country and going fishing with his dad on boxing day etc. and he'll see me NYE. It's a week away, we've been spending just about everyday together all of a sudden it's a week.

His best friends are swingers he told me I could skinny dip with them (and him) He told me he wouldn't get jealous if I have male friends it's ok with him. I confronted him with the being naked in front of another man and telling me he loved me he said he was joking it would never happen. But it concerns me that he said he'd love to see me with another woman too.

I feel so left out over Christmas, he said he would never want me to choose him over my kids and giving me the time with them he said it's the last Christmas you'll have without me.

I'm really confused. Am I being used or do you think that he's ok, I'm thinking maybe if I put my foot down and tell him how it is we might be able to make it work, or do you think this is a destined to be doomed relationship.

I've got many conflicting answers.

 

Please?

 

Hmm can't say for sure.

I think he's alright, but you guys have to have clearer communication, I think the confusion stems from a joke.

Other than that he seems ok, and his accident only seems to have given him reason to make haste to get his life and relationships in order, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

But you have to know what your boundaries and clearly state them to him and gauge his reaction.

In many cases ex's will have soft spots for each other, but as long as the line isn't crossed where he's cheating on you then I think it's fine. The soft spot, should be no different than say if you were dating him and his ex had passed away, it shouldn't be expected that his soft spot for her should just disappear.

 

This Would Have To Be The "Understatement" Of The Decade....



Cheers Glen.

 

I Do My Best To Please...



Cheers Glen.

 

I got nothin, I'm a smartass not a trained psychologist.

 

I think his intentions are in the right place, how he said he doesn't want you to put your money into his home shows, to me at least, that he doesn't intend to take advantage of you. Polyamory can be confusing for people who haven't experienced it. It is a huge difference, and the important thing is what you are comfortable with in your relationship, and what you want from it. If he is serious, then he will not have a problem committing to you if you ask him. I think you should have a heart-to-heart conversation with him, lay everything out, and decide where to go from there.

 

You lost me at "he pays", the does this for me, he does that for me, "he texts x times a day", "it won't cost me", etc. And the question is whether he is using you? Chick logic at its best.

 

I even mentioned that I understand his soft spot but I don't want him to cheat on me I'd never do it to him his reaction was pretty quick with not a hope in hell. I trust he wouldn't. I might be a bit insecure but not to the point I would need to stalk him to make sure he was faithful.

Thanks for replying x

 

guys will still do that shit to get layed too. They do it to keep more than one girl going. Throw around money and get some honey. I was actually really concerned he was going away over Christmas to his home town bc he had a gf or or to see his ex. And/or for a partner to join the swinging group.

 

I'm not just blaming him with all this, my question information and confusion probably comes from my own insecurities, I have some real trusting issues. I even told him, he says I won't hurt you.. I'm not going anywhere. I've just been lied to and headf*cked so much that I nearly gave up, but I wanted a relationship after being single for a while. I didn't want to deprive myself of it, it just means

I have to work on it. I have trouble making decisions as you can see that's why I like to ask people like on here. I have asked girlfriends about him and had a couple saying get rid of him hand him back to his ex. or swingers.. bad news what man that loves you would want you naked in front of another man and him going away over christmas he's seeing his gf and will be feeding her the same line he fed you when he's with you NYE.

 

And women do it because...?

Tell you what, the above was a rhetorical question. Let's stop talking for good.

 

whoah! Sensitive...but anyway..

 

ehh mostly this.

If you feel like things need to slow down, say so.

It sounds like he had a "sieze the day" type of "trip", when he almost died and reorganized how he handles his shit.

It sounds like you can sieze the day too, but without being too serious about things. Work on being good friends and getting to really know each other. It sounds like to a degree, he's clingy and obsessive, and you feel like it's sweet and you can't turn him down, but remember that it's a lot harder on his feelings if you accept all that when you don't like it, and it falls apart later because he's so clingy.

I mean, maybe mention that he doesn't have to call 8 times a day, and you can all just pay more attention to what you're doing, and set aside time to talk and meet more in person or something, ya' know?

 

Sounds like he is a bit older than you? He sounds pretty mature about things. The accident would create a perspective shift im sure. Sounds like someone who would be honest if you sat down for some heartfelt communication. Face to face, pick the time so he is relaxed and give you the attention you deserve.